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I'm in love with an aro ace and I wanted to tell them but I don't know how or if I should.


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OK, lets start with the obvious, what is your reasoning for telling them.

If it is because you are still looking for some form of relationship with them are you aware of if they would be comfortable of some form of non-romantic relationship which would make that possible and are you willing to make the sacrifices to make that work? If not, I would say why tell them? If you don't know whether they would be up for that sort of relationship then I would tell you to be a decent friend and try to get to know them better before you throw an 'I love you' at them.

If this is just for your own benefit and you have no intention of acting on it then I would advise against telling them.  Telling someone you love them when they do not love you back just puts a lot of guilt on them just for your own peace of mind. I doubt they would be unhappy with you if you are polite about it but it does not feel good to be told by someone that they have these feelings you can't reciprocate.

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Like roboticanary said, why would you want to in the first place? It might put both of you at a mental disadvantage.

But to answer your question, If I were in their situation, I'd expect you to confess calmly, not making a fuss about it. Do not pressure them, or say how you wish they weren't aroace. If you're comfortable with it, you can tell them you may be/stay friends (don't if you feel like you might end up frustrated!). And please, PLEASE, listen to what they say. Do not think you'll change them, make them "believe" in love or other bullshit.

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The golden rule has some flaws, but it is a good guideline and I think it is applicable here. Imagine that someone you know, who you don't have any romantic interest in at all, developed feelings for you. How would you like them to handle it?

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unpopular opinion (maybe) but:
actually I personally would REALLY like to know it, especially when the other person (you) knows that I'm aroace and therefore has no or only low expectations or "hopes". so telling this seems just as getting something out of the way which could stand in between you? bc the person can feel that "there is something" without being able to tell what it is and that could be very nasty...

when the aroace person is a relaxed person this shouldn't change a lot.

 

also some aroaces do want relationships so never say never^^

but as @nonmerci mentioned: it relates on the person and whether you think they would be uncomfortable with it or not

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4 hours ago, Acecream said:

bc the person can feel that "there is something" without being able to tell what it is and that could be very nasty...

 

Good point, that is something I wasn''t really thinking of. This is a really good reason to let someone know.

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  • 9 months later...
Guest YogurtB3rry

I’m an aroace and I’ve always have wanted to know that feeling. Sometimes I think of having a relationship a specially now just learning that I was an aroace. It does make me somewhat uncomfortable due to never having someone say they like me. Or thinking that someone loved me in that way and not knowing how their way is. That is sort of the problem and separation issue of an aroace, and your average person. You can’t relate to each other’s feelings making the sexual part of love hard. The furthest bit of that kind of love I’ve felt is imagining the moment of someone kissing me. All in all though make sure you tell them you have feelings for them and how’d they’d like your relationship to change like: stay/be just friends, have a relationship that doesn’t involve much sexual or major romance, or if the aroace is okay with it, try and help them experience that love in any form you can agree on. I’d love to feel well that love, so if I ever find the right person I would like to come up with an agreeable comfortable relationship with one another. I’d honestly would love to befriend another aroace like me or have a relationship with them, but will just have to wait and see. (Btw depending on the aroace, yes we can feel that sort of love, but for me and maybe others I really only feel it with made up stuff or with my self). I understand that this topic is hard and confusing, but I believe any aroace can find a good relationship.
 

❤️Have a great day! Hope you can set a health relationship with this info!❤️

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