Hiya

[mewix]

Came to say hi to y'all
I dunno I don't really identify as aromantic,
I don't say I am romantic either particularly. I don't know if I find the concept particularly something useful to me personally, but I came to have look around and learn a little as I was reading a book, that talked in part about aromantics and some of the experiences which were relatable. I am a bisexual female however but towards Women and mostly prefer that. I read there are sexual people who identify as aromantic, which I usually associated as more of an asexual thing. I agree with the fact I rather have a friendship that is a sexual sort of thing or just deep friendships generally. But I dunno if that is an orientation more then just a preference or a choice that I made for myself. I haven't really particularly been in many relationships but the few times I did they felt so restrictive, even though I enjoyed the attention I got. 

I dunno if getting presents for someone you like is seen as romantic as I enjoy it. But then you get presents for a friend to express you like them so what is the thing that distinguishes that.
I don't like a lot of traditional hetero-courtship tho but thats kinda a different thing some of it related to gender roles/sexism. A lot of girls seem to have a close friendship in a way could be constructed as a light romance yet not defined as such.

In terms of romance stories I find them particularly boring. Then again homosexual romance sometimes can be a bit more interesting to me so not always.
As a side thing I think romances can make a story interesting but as a main thing I don't see the point, there needs to be something else.
I don't like the whole weak princess saved by a prince thing either.

I have seen romance defined as exclusive.
But then polyamory can be non exclusive, sure some relations are like more or less closed to 3 or more people but some are more open. Or even just open relationships.
The definition of romance seems kinda blurry.
But even with standard poly it does have a level of commitment that wouldn't so much interest me tho there is solo poly. But something like relationship anarchy as concept is something interesting to me, especially since it isn't just about sex tho even standard poly doesn't have to be I think. 

Casually dating sounds fun too without  commiting but idk how much point, maybe friendship dating.

Part of romance does seem kinda socially constructed, I mean most concepts are but like there is a clear sense of it being created historically speaking as a thing.
Before it existed I think things like relations were more defined just sexually or for societal reasons. The whole courtship thing seems it wasn't much of a thing before. And even such intense sorts of feelings the likes that are associated with it seem to fizzle out and being too infatuated or obsessive in itself might be unhealthy?

In the end I don't think I am averse to romance just not interested at least in the typical sense. Maybe something more open.

I also just enjoy hugging and relaxing with others even as a group I wouldn't mind. I just rather there was more acceptance of this kinda thing.

I heard some Women saying that being non commited is the worst thing and a character flaw particularly towards men which seems very harsh to me. I get a lot of Women want commitment especially with a guy. I have seen poly described in such peoples minds as like one man with a lot of girls and not treating them very well, which I don't think necessarily is the case. Or they think sex for just the sake of it is bad.

Also there is the thing that Women are more romantic or the ones who want it and while Men might give romance they are seen as more sexually attracted tho ofc both are and Women can be quite sexual too.

I think if you want a family or stability it might make sense for traditional things. But yeah I am not that particularly interested tho openminded on things.

I am interested in relationship free or alternative ways of being in a community. I don't see myself wanting to start a family or whatever anytime soon.
I have also looked into celibate lifestyles (as opposed to asexual) and how people learnt from such to relate better to others.
Anyway that's my rambling over, nice to meet you all. 

Also I like animals, art, computers and stuff like that. 

Edited May 24, 2021 by mewix

[roboticanary]

Welcome

hope you enjoy being here

On 5/24/2021 at 2:37 PM, mewix said:

The definition of romance seems kinda blurry

Yep, this is a pain. I have a similar sort of problem, I don't know exactly what romance is but I know I don't want it

I get that thought of a friendship which is sexual rather than a romance too. 

Hope this forum is of some help working out whatever questions you have. Not really identifying as aromantic but also not being particularly romantic is something that has came up a few times here, just be whoever you are and if you find some parts of aromanticism relatable, thats cool.

 

[Nessa]

Hello and welcome.

I am aromantic but understand that it is difficult to identify as romantic or aromantic. Sometimes it takes a while to really know who we are or just really identify as one or another. 

Feel free to be just who you are!!! The most important if for you to be happy whatever people around you think. ? (I know it is not always easy)

[Erederyn]

Hello! I think you sum up well quite a few intricacies of experiences related to wanting relationship styles/lifestyle that falls out of the typical romantic norm ? The aro experience can also be pretty diverse, it is a spectrum after all. But at the end of the day, a label/identity should reflect what is useful to you! Either way, I hope you enjoy your time on the forum!

On 5/26/2021 at 1:49 AM, roboticanary said:

I don't know exactly what romance is but I know I don't want it

Hahaha, this is on point.