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How does your aromantic orientation affect your career?


Guest Doodlebob
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Wasn’t quite sure what to put for the title, so that was the best question I could come up with for it. What I mean by it, is that for me, I’m a musician, and since a lot of songs are about love, I have a hard time finding music that I can perform that I actually relate to. I realized that all this time, when I sang a love song, I liked the music, but I had always somehow changed the interpretation of the lyrics in my mind to mean something else so that I could relate to it somehow. I don’t really have that much of an issue with love songs, but I was just thinking about how, now that I know I’m aroace, I might change my approach to music and my career. Like in a way that would better fit me and my aromanticism than bending myself to fit a norm. I guess I’d just like to know if anyone else felt that their aromantic orientation impacted their career in some way or vice versa? For the arts or any other career really.

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I'm in a very diffierent boat to you, physics research is my day job. I suppose the career itself hasn't had an impact on my aromanticism, however the cultural stereotypes of a young man going into science have been a pain.

I suspect I would have had a better chance at finding out I was aromantic earlier if it wasn't for a large amount of culture showing the lonely research nerd. I pretty much deluded myself into thinking the problem was that people like me simply weren't any good at romance rather than that I wasn't interested in it.

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Most of the jobs I've had have involved regular travel. It always used to baffle me why this would be treated as a negative thing in job descriptions or interviews. Because dude. Free travel! Work wants me to fly overseas for a meeting or conference? Fuck yeah, I'm gonna tack on a few days of holiday and explore the area! Who wouldn't be stoked about a free return trip to another country or city??

I only finally understood why others might feel differently about this about five years ago, when my boss and I were both expected to go on the same international trip, and I mentioned to him that I was planning to stay a week extra at our destination to do some sightseeing. He told me that sounded like a great idea but that he couldn't spend that long away from his wife and kids. And I had this kind of epiphany moment where I was like oh. Oh. That is why employers treat "regular travel" as a downside in a job. Because for people who have committed relationships, it really is a negative to be away from the city and/or country where you usually live. And employers apparently just assume that people of a certain age have these sorts of commitments and attachments.

Well, pandemic aside, I for one absolutely adore my travel-heavy career and industry. RIP to those tied to their home lives but I'm different ✌️

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I suppose not having a relationship made spending the first decade of my career moving to different countries regularly easier, I know the "2 body problem" is something that people in committed relationships struggle with in academia. 

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3 hours ago, Rolo said:

I suppose not having a relationship made spending the first decade of my career moving to different countries regularly easier, I know the "2 body problem" is something that people in committed relationships struggle with in academia. 

Funnily enough, back when I was doing my PhD (and well before I'd ever heard of aromanticism as a concept) this used to be my go-to excuse for avoiding romantic relationships: I didn't want to have to take anyone else's academic/professional plans into account when deciding which country to move to next...!

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It doesn't really affect my career... I get asked if I have a SO occasionally but I just say "I'm focusing on my career". Don't know if it'll work when I'm older but no one bothers me now.

On the plus side, there's no one in my life to feel neglected when I'm working all day. Except my pets, who have a good pet-sitter.

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I am a community development worker and my job includes talking to and supporting different people in various situations. It's not quite social work but it's close. I guess I struggle to relate to some people, because I have never had any romantic or intimate relationship. I guess it's still something I can improve on and work on, even though I may never become involved in a romantic relationship, I just need to understand people's experiences and how it might impact them. 

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