The Genderflux Thread

[senACEay_11]

Hello everybody!

I have recently discovered that I am genderflux, and because I haven't seen too much discussion about this identity on the Internet, I decided to make a thread about it so that we can share our experiences and hopefully be able to relate to one another! Feel free to talk about anything, such your story of self-discovery, how your style of dress changes according to how you're feeling that day, how you feel about different pronouns, etc.!

[Spark_TheDemiboyRat]

I myself am not genderflux, but I read up on it and it sounds pretty cool! I think I might be genderfluid, although I'm not quite sure yet. I actually had to look up the meaning of genderflux, because apparently I'm a clueless idiot lol. Anyway, I would love to hear about your experiences! And maybe you could help me see if I really am genderfluid.

Edited November 13, 2020 by Confused Artist
Spelling error, wanted to add sentence

[ScarfOfSexualPreference]

I'm in the middle of my gender self-discovery, but I think I'm a Demi-girl or something non-binary. For now, I just wear a binder and present a little more non-binary. I'm not 100% sure yet, so I'd love to hear others' experiences

[senACEay_11]

8 hours ago, Confused Artist said:

I myself am not genderflux, but I read up on it and it sounds pretty cool! I think I might be genderfluid, although I'm not quite sure yet. I actually had to look up the meaning of genderflux, because apparently I'm a clueless idiot lol. Anyway, I would love to hear about your experiences! And maybe you could help me see if I really am genderfluid.

Oh no you're good! Yeah, I don't blame you, it isn't super well known. Of course, I'd love to share some of my experiences

I defineatly get how hearing others' journeys can help you on your own.

50 minutes ago, ScarfOfSexualPreference said:

I'm in the middle of my gender self-discovery, but I think I'm a Demi-girl or something non-binary. For now, I just wear a binder and present a little more non-binary. I'm not 100% sure yet, so I'd love to hear others' experiences

I can defineatly relate!

I also have been given this amazing piece of advice from someone that I wanted to share in case it may help someone else on their gender self-discovery journey. It was, "If there were absolutely no societal pressures to look a certain way or dress a certain way, what would you look like? What type of clothing would you wear? How would you style your hair? How would you act?"

[Spark_TheDemiboyRat]

Now that I think about it though, I might be genderflux. I know I said I wasn't, but I looked into it more, and it kinda fits how I feel. If I was genderflux (and I might be) I would be more on the feminine side of things. Some days I feel feminine, some days I don't, and somedays U feel kind of feminine, but not fully. I am currently thinking about having some people calling me them/they. Any other suggestions? 

[senACEay_11]

1 hour ago, Confused Artist said:

Now that I think about it though, I might be genderflux. I know I said I wasn't, but I looked into it more, and it kinda fits how I feel. If I was genderflux (and I might be) I would be more on the feminine side of things. Some days I feel feminine, some days I don't, and somedays U feel kind of feminine, but not fully. I am currently thinking about having some people calling me them/they. Any other suggestions? 

For me, one of the ways I found out I was genderflux was that I knew I wasn't a man. So, "girl" or "woman" must fit me then, right? And it wasn't so much that I completely didn't identify as female, it's just the term didn't fully describe me. There was some extra stuff, experiences, and feelings that were being left out. It mainly came down to, "Well, I'm not a man, so I must be a woman." But, now that I've found this term, its sort of all-encompassing and more flexible than just "female."

If you feel better with people referring to you with they/them, then that's awesome! Try it out, get a feel for it, and see where things take you.

(P.S. There's also a term for both genderfluid and genderflux combined called "fluidflux," if you wanted to check that out!)

[Spark_TheDemiboyRat]

I've never really felt masculine, so I think the term genderflux fits me better. Also, thanks for helping me to see where I fit in. I think I have a better understanding now.

It was actually really surprising to see that not many people know what genderflux is. Heck, whenever I searched it up, it always auto corrected to genderfluid. I wish more people knew what it was, so people new to the community would know where they fit, and where they don't. 

[cyancat]

i tend to float in the... genderfluid, -flux, fluidflux area. at the start, i associated pronouns = gender which is a huge fallacy but alas it was the stuff my brain got up to, and lemme tell ya, every other hour i was changing my pronouns because they would sound okay, and then they wouldn't. it didn't help that i was fixating real bad on 'em. when i finally got my brain to settle down tho, my pronoun changes became less frequent (tho more bc pronouns just... don't come up that often in my life??). that being said, now i tend to experience this shift between agender, adrogynous, transmasc, and male identity? (there's a bit more, but i don't really know how to describe those so i won't.) it isn't something i necessarily notice all the time, it's just small things here and there, where i realize "huh, guess i'm feelin' more agender today." or it's behavior based, where i'm kinda gravitating more of a "masculine" feel? i don't always notice it, it just kinda happens. i sometimes use my pronouns as a general indicator abt what i'm feeling at, but pronouns =/= gender, so, eh, dunno.

[Spark_TheDemiboyRat]

4 hours ago, cyancat said:

i tend to float in the... genderfluid, -flux, fluidflux area. at the start, i associated pronouns = gender which is a huge fallacy but alas it was the stuff my brain got up to, and lemme tell ya, every other hour i was changing my pronouns because they would sound okay, and then they wouldn't. it didn't help that i was fixating real bad on 'em. when i finally got my brain to settle down tho, my pronoun changes became less frequent (tho more bc pronouns just... don't come up that often in my life??). that being said, now i tend to experience this shift between agender, adrogynous, transmasc, and male identity? (there's a bit more, but i don't really know how to describe those so i won't.) it isn't something i necessarily notice all the time, it's just small things here and there, where i realize "huh, guess i'm feelin' more agender today." or it's behavior based, where i'm kinda gravitating more of a "masculine" feel? i don't always notice it, it just kinda happens. i sometimes use my pronouns as a general indicator abt what i'm feeling at, but pronouns =/= gender, so, eh, dunno.

That's similar to how I feel, except I'm on the more feminine side of things. All of the sudden whether you picking out clothes, or whatever else, you just get this feeling that's like hey, I feel more like this today. It's really interesting that one day you can completely one way, and then the other you feel the complete opposite. 

For my pronouns, I just use they/them. I covers all bases I guess.

[senACEay_11]

13 minutes ago, Confused Artist said:

That's similar to how I feel, except I'm on the more feminine side of things. All of the sudden whether you picking out clothes, or whatever else, you just get this feeling that's like hey, I feel more like this today. It's really interesting that one day you can completely one way, and then the other you feel the complete opposite. 

For my pronouns, I just use they/them. I covers all bases I guess.

Same, I usually end up selecting clothes that I could wear no matter what I was feeling that day, so I usually lean to dressing more androgynous. And yes I agree, it is very interesting how these things change.

[Spark_TheDemiboyRat]

3 minutes ago, senACEay_11 said:

Same, I usually end up selecting clothes that I could wear no matter what I was feeling that day, so I usually lean to dressing more androgynous. And yes I agree, it is very interesting how these things change.

Have you told anyone that you're genderflux yet? If so, how'd you do it? I might try to soon?

[senACEay_11]

2 minutes ago, Confused Artist said:

Have you told anyone that you're genderflux yet? If so, how'd you do it? I might try to soon?

I actually told a friend of mine yesterday, as they were telling me about their struggles with their gender, and so I told them I was genderflux in an attempt to help them see if that might be a possibility for them as well. I basically just explained my discovery journey and how I finally arrived at this conclusion, but it was a little different because they also had some awareness they were genderqueer, so it wasn't like I was coming out to one of my cis family members/friends who might not understand the concept of a fluctuating gender identity and stuff like that.

[Queasy_Attention]

Oh man, this has been bugging me for AGES. I've had a really hard time figuring out where I lie on the gender spectrum, mainly because a lot of people in queer internet spaces put so much stock into personal pronouns- specifically, on the hardships they face when they are not used correctly. But pronouns have never been that big of a concern for me! I'm totally fine with the fact that everyone in my life uses she/her to refer to me, since I'm afab. If they wanted to use he/him or they/them I would also be happy, but I don't need them to do that in order to feel comfortable.

I also can't relate to the gender dysphoria that many, many genderqueer people go through. I've never really minded my own body. Again, it's a case of- well, if I had he/him parts, I'd also be happy, but I don't need them in order to feel like myself. 

At the same time, I can tell I'm not "just" female. Consistently since childhood I've felt a pull towards masculine presentation. I've resisted dressing in traditionally feminine clothing and preferred masculine or androgynous clothes instead, particularly for formal or important occasions. I refer to myself as a guy sometimes, and it feels natural. Sometimes I imagine my body as if I were a different sex- sometimes I wish it were. I also am comfortable presenting in a feminine way sometimes. And sometimes I like both. 

So I think I'm bigender-- or bigenderflux, if I wanted to get really specific about it. I like this label over "genderfluid" because it implies that two gender identities can exist at the same time, even if the proportions of which is more present tend to shift around. (Basically, I have some days where I feel more feminine and some days when I feel more masculine, but I don't constantly have "boy days" or "girl days" where I know for sure that I am one or the other, and being referred to as the opposite would upset me.)

It's kind of tough. I've struggled to relate to (and honestly empathize with) a lot of my friends who are genderqueer, because I have never understood what it feels like to be misgendered. Obviously I believe when they say that being misgendered causes them pain! At the same time, I don't have a problem with any pronouns, so I have a hard time putting myself in the shoes of others who do. 

I just feel like everyone I see has such a strong take on pronouns and dysphoria, and I haven't seen or met anyone else who feels more easygoing about it like me. It makes me doubt myself and whether I even am genderqueer, whether maybe I'm just a cis girl who just wishes she was a boy sometimes, maybe because of the way men are allowed to exist in society in ways that women aren't, or because dicks seem more fun than their female alternatives? Idk!! It's really hard to parse out all my feelings. 

[senACEay_11]

7 minutes ago, Queasy_Attention said:

Oh man, this has been bugging me for AGES. I've had a really hard time figuring out where I lie on the gender spectrum, mainly because a lot of people in queer internet spaces put so much stock into personal pronouns- specifically, on the hardships they face when they are not used correctly. But pronouns have never been that big of a concern for me! I'm totally fine with the fact that everyone in my life uses she/her to refer to me, since I'm afab. If they wanted to use he/him or they/them I would also be happy, but I don't need them to do that in order to feel comfortable.

I also can't relate to the gender dysphoria that many, many genderqueer people go through. I've never really minded my own body. Again, it's a case of- well, if I had he/him parts, I'd also be happy, but I don't need them in order to feel like myself. 

At the same time, I can tell I'm not "just" female. Consistently since childhood I've felt a pull towards masculine presentation. I've resisted dressing in traditionally feminine clothing and preferred masculine or androgynous clothes instead, particularly for formal or important occasions. I refer to myself as a guy sometimes, and it feels natural. Sometimes I imagine my body as if I were a different sex- sometimes I wish it were. I also am comfortable presenting in a feminine way sometimes. And sometimes I like both. 

So I think I'm bigender-- or bigenderflux, if I wanted to get really specific about it. I like this label over "genderfluid" because it implies that two gender identities can exist at the same time, even if the proportions of which is more present tend to shift around. (Basically, I have some days where I feel more feminine and some days when I feel more masculine, but I don't constantly have "boy days" or "girl days" where I know for sure that I am one or the other, and being referred to as the opposite would upset me.)

It's kind of tough. I've struggled to relate to (and honestly empathize with) a lot of my friends who are genderqueer, because I have never understood what it feels like to be misgendered. Obviously I believe when they say that being misgendered causes them pain! At the same time, I don't have a problem with any pronouns, so I have a hard time putting myself in the shoes of others who do. 

I just feel like everyone I see has such a strong take on pronouns and dysphoria, and I haven't seen or met anyone else who feels more easygoing about it like me. It makes me doubt myself and whether I even am genderqueer, whether maybe I'm just a cis girl who just wishes she was a boy sometimes, maybe because of the way men are allowed to exist in society in ways that women aren't, or because dicks seem more fun than their female alternatives? Idk!! It's really hard to parse out all my feelings. 

I actually can... relate to a lot of what you're saying. I don't really care too much about pronouns, like, call me whatever you want, idc. I might prefer some over others depending on the day, but not enough to the point where I would be super uncomfortable. 

[Spark_TheDemiboyRat]

34 minutes ago, senACEay_11 said:

I actually can... relate to a lot of what you're saying. I don't really care too much about pronouns, like, call me whatever you want, idc. I might prefer some over others depending on the day, but not enough to the point where I would be super uncomfortable. 

I dont really care about pronouns either, but there are some that I prefer over others.

[cyancat]

8 hours ago, Queasy_Attention said:

Oh man, this has been bugging me for AGES. I've had a really hard time figuring out where I lie on the gender spectrum, mainly because a lot of people in queer internet spaces put so much stock into personal pronouns- specifically, on the hardships they face when they are not used correctly. But pronouns have never been that big of a concern for me! I'm totally fine with the fact that everyone in my life uses she/her to refer to me, since I'm afab. If they wanted to use he/him or they/them I would also be happy, but I don't need them to do that in order to feel comfortable.

I also can't relate to the gender dysphoria that many, many genderqueer people go through. I've never really minded my own body. Again, it's a case of- well, if I had he/him parts, I'd also be happy, but I don't need them in order to feel like myself. 

At the same time, I can tell I'm not "just" female. Consistently since childhood I've felt a pull towards masculine presentation. I've resisted dressing in traditionally feminine clothing and preferred masculine or androgynous clothes instead, particularly for formal or important occasions. I refer to myself as a guy sometimes, and it feels natural. Sometimes I imagine my body as if I were a different sex- sometimes I wish it were. I also am comfortable presenting in a feminine way sometimes. And sometimes I like both. 

So I think I'm bigender-- or bigenderflux, if I wanted to get really specific about it. I like this label over "genderfluid" because it implies that two gender identities can exist at the same time, even if the proportions of which is more present tend to shift around. (Basically, I have some days where I feel more feminine and some days when I feel more masculine, but I don't constantly have "boy days" or "girl days" where I know for sure that I am one or the other, and being referred to as the opposite would upset me.)

It's kind of tough. I've struggled to relate to (and honestly empathize with) a lot of my friends who are genderqueer, because I have never understood what it feels like to be misgendered. Obviously I believe when they say that being misgendered causes them pain! At the same time, I don't have a problem with any pronouns, so I have a hard time putting myself in the shoes of others who do. 

I just feel like everyone I see has such a strong take on pronouns and dysphoria, and I haven't seen or met anyone else who feels more easygoing about it like me. It makes me doubt myself and whether I even am genderqueer, whether maybe I'm just a cis girl who just wishes she was a boy sometimes, maybe because of the way men are allowed to exist in society in ways that women aren't, or because dicks seem more fun than their female alternatives? Idk!! It's really hard to parse out all my feelings. 

this is definitely something i can relate to. i generally don't care about my pronouns? except she/her. under no circumstances do i want to be called she/her. even when my gendered brain be like "she/her," stress-mc-stress-response won't allow it. that's not a dysphoria thing, that's just my brain having come to associate those pronouns with high stress. (and honestly @ this point i've thought of myself so heavily in terms of we, he, they pronouns that it's kinda weird to suddenly be called 'she' alksjdfl.)

but regardless, i've dealt with the other issues of like,,, dysphoria... mhm... do i have it, do i have enough of it - i can't truly relate to the intense levels of self-hate some people have for their bodies, so maybe i don't experience dysphoria and while that doesn't necessarily mean i'm not trans, does that make me less valid? obviously no, but that's how medicalism will treat you. i don't even know if i necessarily experience anything as high as 'gender euphoria.' or maybe i do, it's just that i'll never reach a point where i can achieve said gender euphoria thanks to those weird gender-y thinger-y maheckeries going in my brain that are different from the standard gender binary. 

that being said, i wonder if maybe the way my dysphoria is expressed is through more of a general... apathetic neglect? because i absolutely neglect my body. i just... don't care about it. i think i kinda... idk, i usually go through life feeling some detachment from my body. it may also just be a response to my sister, who is the opposite - really obsessed about being clean - and i may have developed something against that because of her. of course, it could also stem from the fact that i can't stand things on my body thanks to sensory stuff alsjdfkl,,,

well, regardless of the reason, i've never felt particularly in-tune with the "female" side of things. maybe i am faking being trans or something, but gender expression is a journey anyway. if i went back, i'd feel incredibly uncomfortable, so for now i'm sticking with where i am at. if, in the future, i realize that i'm not trans, that doesn't make the things i felt any less valid, just that my understanding or feelings have changed - y'know, like how most human beings operate alskdflj. 

[Karst]

As someone who doesn't have a particularly strong sense of Gender Identity (I just sort of grabbed the "agender" label and called it a day), it's amazing to me that there are people out there whose lived experiences include being more than one gender.  It honestly seems like so much to deal with.