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Grateful for your aroness?


nisse
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I've been thinking about this lately. I'm very comfortable in being aro, and sometimes even relieved - both bc i'm not that confused "WHAT AM I??" teenager i used to be anymore, and because sometimes there is seemingly a lot of drama for allo-romantics. But i don't think i've ever felt grateful for it? 

I started thinking about it because i've seen various other people with different labels be grateful for their identity. Autistic people (which i realise isn't a label in the same way sexuality is, but it illustrates my point) being grateful for how they view/experience the world differently, queer people in general grateful for their amazing various communities that they've gained. And that's another thing, I am grateful for my queerness. I identify as wholly queer, and I love it, and I'm grateful for how much more joyful and diverse the world is for me as a queer person. 

Me being aro.... I'm grateful for the community, not necessarily the identity. My aceness is irrelevant, like many aroaces on here i don't really think about that bit much lol. 

I've typed the word "grateful" so many times now I'm starting to forget what it actually means lol. I hope my point comes across ok?? Maybe happy would be a better word. Do you feel happy for your aroness?

idk if this makes any sense lmao sorry folks 

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Mmh, well i am not "unhappy" for it. In fact, i am comfortable with my aro-ness.

Past the fact that it has been a huge thing for me to discover the word (less confusion) , I would love it better without the arophobia, amatonormativity and general dickness of peoples (intrusive questions, them doubting you, insults, etc ). Also, romantic drama smell like something i don't need in my life lol

A "classical" romantic relationship (whatever that mean) would not work for me. In fact, even calling whatever relationship i have "romantic" would make me uneasy even if as they are i am fine with them. But despite the fact that i always knew when i was not interested and not giving up (peoples have been insistant, i always gave a firm no), i was (am?) not impermeable to amatonormativity.

So to summarise : i love being aro , but it's not all rainbow and sunshine.

( I could say the same about being non binary maybe, but i feel like it's not really the same. i feel like orientation is my relationship to other peoples and gender is my relationship with myself. Speaking for me there. )

 

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As you said, I feel like comfortable is a more fitting word for me than grateful. I am very happy and cozy up here on NoRomo Hill but I don't really feel like it's something to be grateful for. It just is. I wouldn't say I feel grateful for being queer, either, even if love it.
Like, why would I feel gratitude for being all these things that are considered wrong? I would never want to change myself because I've fought very hard for who I am now and yada yada, but I don't think our oppression is anything to celebrate. My teenage years sucked major ass because of my queer identities and while the trauma made me stronger, I shouldn't have had to be stronger in the first place!

Having a wonderful aro community is amazing but it's also a result of everyone else hating and ridiculing us, so gratitude for the identity rather than the people seems ill-placed. 

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  • 4 months later...

I’m in between. There are days when I’m very euphoric with being aro and there are also days when I’m uncomfortable with it. Maybe I didn’t accept my aromanticism completely and I’m under amatonormative pressure.

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100%. The problems being aro removes me from vastly outweigh any problems being aro causes me imo. Plus I like being alone lmao, I like being solely in charge of agency and not having to confer with anyone to make decisions. 

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I'm extremely grateful for my aro-ness. This identity wasn't that hard to accept and I hadn't had the "confusion phase", during which I would question myself and doubt my self-worth depending on my ability to love romantically. This whole thing was really chill for me. However, my aro identity removes the vast part of drama and problems and so gives me time and mental energy to actually do something more useful for my future.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I'm grateful for my aroness and for the process of accepting my aromanticism. I've learned so much about myself, and I feel self-assured and comfortable with who I am. In a way, being aro and accepting my aroness has opened my heart in the sense of feeling more free to love and care for people the way that I want and also in the sense of being more accepting of others and treating them with more compassion.

I feel like this post perfectly captures for me what I love about being aro and being part of the aro community. So glad to be a part of this community!  
https://asexualfitzroy.tumblr.com/post/637701655163453440/the-aromantic-agenda-is-a-good-one-go-and-think. 

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