aro and jealousy

[Madame Giraffe]

Let's say I've got squishes veeery rarely, but when it happens - as me being a very possessive person, even of friends - I just feel this annoying jealousy towards them and don't want them to be in a romantic relationship with others, even if I know I can't (and don't want to) give them one with me, so I wonder if anybody here ever felt the same? 

And I mean only I don't want them to have girlfriends, not other friends.

 

(ohmy this is so selfish, I know and I'm ashamed, but can't stop feel this way, lol)

 

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

I understand that feeling. For me, it tends to be a fear that they won't be as interested in spending time with me if they have a romantic partner, or that they'll be constantly talking about them/engaging in PDA around me (I'm romance repulsed). It's an unpleasant feeling to have, and obviously you should be careful not to be a dick about it, but it's important to know that it's normal and doesn't make you a bad person.

[Guest]

9 hours ago, Madame Giraffe said:

ohmy this is so selfish, I know and I'm ashamed, but can't stop feel this way, lol

 

Just know you're not the only one. And you're not horrible for feeling this.

 

It's a bit different for me, but i get what you mean. I feel it.

Well, i don't hate that they're in a relationship, I hate that they consider me inferior to their crush. Being left behind, forgotten unless their crush is not around and i am the only one left… How could it leave me indifferent? 

It would probably be easier without romantic feelings in the way. But would it really? I don't know.

 

But they don't owe me their life and time. So i don't act on my possessive feelings. But right now  i will not deny i can feel them.

 

 

 

(whoa , not sure of my english there but you i hope you understand what i mean )

[Madame Giraffe]

8 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

I understand that feeling. For me, it tends to be a fear that they won't be as interested in spending time with me if they have a romantic partner, or that they'll be constantly talking about them/engaging in PDA around me (I'm romance repulsed). It's an unpleasant feeling to have, and obviously you should be careful not to be a dick about it, but it's important to know that it's normal and doesn't make you a bad person.

 

If it's Jotaro Kujo to tell me I'm not a bad person I feel blessed, ahahahaha

No, seriously, it's hard but it's definitely better not to be a dick about it, even if it's apparently inevitable for them to put us just-friends second place..... gh.

 

1 hour ago, Cristal Gris said:

Just know you're not the only one. And you're not horrible for feeling this.

 

It's a bit different for me, but i get what you mean. I feel it.

Well, i don't hate that they're in a relationship, I hate that they consider me inferior to their crush. Being left behind, forgotten unless their crush is not around and i am the only one left… How could it leave me indifferent? 

It would probably be easier without romantic feelings in the way. But would it really? I don't know.

 

Yeah, I totally get the feeling, it always happens, tsk. Friends < partner

[Guest]

8 minutes ago, Madame Giraffe said:

Yeah, I totally get the feeling, it always happens, tsk. Friends < partner

Yeah...

 

Just… i know this is not fun to hear, but it don't just happen with romance. Sometime it's friend < other friend.

 

But that's something else.

"romance before friendship" is a huge problem because it's something that we are *taught* . It's supposed to be "normal" , "fair" and "natural". Not just because some peoples happen to like their crush better , but only because it's romance.

[Mark]

I experience envy (including being envious of situations) rather than jealousy. With the two often being conflated.
It can seem almost that jealousy (and posessivness) is expected of allos, Including as a metric of "how much they love" their partner.

[NotHeartless]

On 8/11/2019 at 1:43 AM, Madame Giraffe said:

I just feel this annoying jealousy towards them and don't want them to be in a romantic relationship with others, even if I know I can't (and don't want to) give them one with me, so I wonder if anybody here ever felt the same? 

 
I've felt the same, especially growing up. Nowadays it's cooled down but I still get jealous sometimes. I don't show it or talk about it (expect here) because damn, I want my friends and practically everyone to be just happy! But it can still hurt...
Honestly, I'm kind of relieved to read about all of your experiences regarding this.
I felt selfish because of it too and confused. I asked myself if I'm secretly in love with my friends or something (yes, all of them and simultaneously, haha).
As teenager, I only heard of jealousy in romantic matters - it was strange to me.

[sunny]

Jealousy can happen with friends! We've seen it on the playgrounds for years. It may seem silly, and jealousy kind of is in it's most basic forms, but it's a natural thing. We like something and we kind of want it to be ours- even if we know that people are allowed to come and go as they please, and that people don't belong to anyone.

 

I used to get jealous of friend's S/O's displaying PDA, but that goes into my strange affiliation with affection. I think it's personally just centered about wanting to spend time with people you like, which is perfectly healthy. Sometimes the best thing I can do when I get like that (it isn't often these days) is distance myself. Teaches myself about like, not freaking out when people are hanging with other people, and gives me time to self reflect. I find self-reflection helps a lot of things, if you got the time and sit down about it.