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Aromantism and Marriage


Taylor
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Hello! I am currently exploring the possibility of being aromantic. I have determined against asexuality as a sexual relationship is something I do want. I was just wondering if I wanted to get married, would I still be aromantic? I don't want a romantic connection (honestly I don't even know what that means), I would just want to marry my best friend and have a sexual relationship with them. I am just really confused so if somebody wouldn't mind talking to me about this that would be great!

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Your description of marriage certainly sounds aromantic! Really, all aromantic means is lacking romantic attraction. It takes some time and soul searching to pinpoint what "romantic attraction" means and whether or not you've felt it. I think of romantic attraction as a driving force connected to a specific person that makes you want to do romantic stuff with them. So, it's more than just liking romantic stuff, and it's more than just deciding someone would be a good candidate to do romantic stuff with. That being said, marriage doesn't necessarily have to be romantic. Closeness isn't necessarily romantic either. I am firmly aromantic, and I would definitely be open to a best friends marriage (although I perceive marriage to be kind of a prison so I would probably have a common law partnership instead ?).

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Sometimes marriage is something that's helpful for sharing benefits or solidifying your commitment in writing to your BFF. (It's also a great excuse to throw an awesome party and have cake!) 

 

Attraction and action are separate. Just like how a heteroromantic person might not pursue a relationship or get married with someone they are attracted to, someone who is aromantic could do those things without feeling romantic attraction. You wouldn't be a "bad aro" for wanting to get married. :) You're allowed to do whatever you want.

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I think it's important to remember that aromanticism is not about something you do, but something you feel (or don't feel).

Sometimes I think about wedding, because the dress, the food, the party seem fun. But I'm still aromantic.

My cousin and his girlfriend love each others for years, they just had their third child, but they don't want to get married. They're still romantic.

 

So you can want a marriage for different reasons, it doesn't have to be romantic love.

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