Jot-Aro Kujo

Well... Can't say I've found a solution either, but at least I can say you're not the only one? (I'm 21, lmao)

I think that yes, it should be inclusive. How inclusive is up to who feels like being included. If someone feels like their lack of a certain kind of attraction impacts their life and identity enough to seek out our community, then I think they should absolutely be included, regardless of how else they may identify. If someone pops in saying they're heterosexual heteroromantic aplatonic, then clearly something has compelled them to seek community for that; I don't think it would be fair to turn them away.

I'm also fond of the term "aspec" (ignoring the pronunciation issue) because, speaking of an allo aro, it's what- to me- joins the ace and aro communities together. I am not part of the asexual community. I cannot be part of the asexual community, don't want to be, and presumably they would not want me to be either, given that I am, as mentioned, not asexual. But at the same time, there is a ton of overlap between the aro and ace communities, not only due to the number of aroaces out there, but because of shared history and experiences. I think it's important to acknowledge that overlap, and to be allies to each other, so the aspec community is the union of both the ace and aro communities as one large, diverse whole. "Ace and aro" more implies a partnership than a single unified community, imo.

Have you done any research into the term "genderfluid"? Idk much about what you're feeling, since I'm cis, but of the terms I know that one immediately came to mind based on your description. If you have thought about it before, don't mind me, but I thought it might be worth mentioning in case maybe you've never heard of it before.

First of all, not all aros feel squishes, nor do most friendships start out that way. It's also possible to have a squish on someone and be an absolute fuckwad to them or others, so there's really no correlation between squishes and moral purity. Same with sexual attraction- sexual attraction without other types of attraction isn't inherently evil, it's just something that exists.

Anyway, I don't know what you mean by "don't really care about any of them" in regards to your friends. Is it just that you don't particularly feel a need to have especially deep relationships? Because that's fine. That's totally acceptable and doesn't make you a bad person. Is it that you want them to do things for you, but you wouldn't do things for them and wouldn't be bothered if something horrible happened to them? Well... Yeah, then you might be kind of a jerk. But you can work on it.

Finally, I would like to say that "am I aromantic or just a bad person" is never a question that needs to be asked; It's entirely possible to be aromantic and still be an absolute bastard. One does not negate the other.

'Hmm... Although I've never been in a QPR myself, so I can't really know what they feel like, I feel like there might be some insight to be gained in defining why I don't want a QPR.

To me, I don't want a QPR because... I like to be my own boss. I very strongly dislike the idea of any sort of formally defined relationship- I can't be tied down to any one specific person (or multiple people, in the case of polyamory).

Now you might think this makes me a very solitary person, but I'm not. I love my friends. I love having very close friends, I'm very committed to my friends, and I would absolutely love to live with friends someday. So what's the difference? Well... Friendships aren't formally defined. They just evolve naturally, and can change in nature without it being a big deal. I feel like once you're in a QPR, though, then you're In a Relationship, you know what I mean? You can't be in a QPR with someone unless one of you brings the idea up and you both agree to it, and then after that you're Partners, and you can't change that without like, announcing it you know. (Obviously all QPRs are different and not everyone uses the same terminology, so please forgive my generalizations.)

With friends, you don't have to formally declare the nature of your relationship, and honestly you don't really have to do much of anything. Should you do things like keep in touch with your friends, make time specifically to spend with them, etc.? Sure, if that's the kind of friendship you have. But you're not obligated to. I am extremely committed to my friends and I like to go the extra mile to support them, have fun together, and make them feel appreciated, and I would absolutely never abandon my friends at the drop of a hat, but I like being secure in the knowledge that I'm doing it because it's what I want to do at any given moment in time. It's ok for friendships to change. You can be super ultra best friends with someone at one point in time, and maybe a few years down the line you two aren't nearly as close anymore, but you're still friends. That's ok! Friendships are loose and volatile and fluid, and that's what I like about them.

Hell, even my best friend... I've known her since I was four years old. We're super close, go everywhere together, we'd totally be willing to live together indefinitely. But even with her, I know that should we ever grow less close, there's no need to formally declare it. And I like knowing that I don't have to consult her on any life decisions I make- I might do so anyway just because I value her opinion, and I certainly wouldn't up and move away without telling her, but I don't have to. I can do whatever I want with my own life. I'm not afraid of commitment, I just dislike obligation.

Now of course, it's not like I can do everything my way forever. I know eventually things like roommates, etc. will become a factor in what I do. I also know that no two QPRs look alike, and not all may involve life partnership or a specific level of intimacy or anything like that. But in any case, to me, the thing that makes me feel like I wouldn't want a QPR- even if a theoretical QPR I could have might in all other ways seem identical to friendship- is the act of formally declaring a relationship status, as well as in general a sense of obligation to do things a certain way and share a level of involvement in each others' lifestyles.

I understand that feeling. For me, it tends to be a fear that they won't be as interested in spending time with me if they have a romantic partner, or that they'll be constantly talking about them/engaging in PDA around me (I'm romance repulsed). It's an unpleasant feeling to have, and obviously you should be careful not to be a dick about it, but it's important to know that it's normal and doesn't make you a bad person.

17 hours ago, eatingcroutons said:

In my experience this actually does work pretty well. I just say, "I don't do relationships," and I find people take that at face value. 

3 hours ago, Holmbo said:

For me too. Especially since many people don't know what aromanticism is.

It never works for me. Everyone always says "Ohhhh, you're just saying that because you're young! Trust me, once you're a little older you'll change your mind!" (I'm 21 btw) or "You probably just haven't met the right person yet." or "It's probably just school stress getting to you." Everyone thinks they know my feelings better than I do. I don't think I've ever had anyone hear me say "I don't do relationships" and actually accept it instead of trying to convince me I'm lying, or rationalize it as a temporary situation caused by (insert thing here).

Me, furiously digging myself further and further into the hole I have created within my fandoms by blacklisting every ship tag and blocking half the fandom and only interacting with the 5 people in my gen servers and churning out 20 genfics a year: Sorry did someone say something I think I have dirt in my ears

I study Japanese, and afaik the word for aromantic in Japanese is just... "aromantic" (アロマンティック). Aroace is "asexual" (アセクシャル), and allo ace is "nonsexual" (ノンセクシャル). I think there's also some non-loanword terms that aren't as frequently used, I forget what they are... there's like... mu-ai-something-or-other I think... Idk.

Well, do you want to?

Yeeeeeah that would not be funny. I mean you could try it on straight people, sure, but don't you dare do that to a gay person. They already get that shit enough from heteros.

I'd say just put "other" and let people use it as they will.

Does Uzumaki count?

I've always found the phrase "better half" to be kind of horrifying. Please love yourself..??

This poll doesn't really cover what I want at all... I want "purely platonic friendship", yes, but the views I have on friendship/what I want from a friendship generally are a bit different from how allo society conceptualizes friendships. I would also be interested in a sexual relationship, but I do not consider it "romantic coded" and am not comfortable with checking of an option that implies that I want anything of the sort, given that I'm very romance repulsed.

5 minutes ago, Krispy™ said:

Started!! :))

 

https://photos.app.goo.gl/kHTfmY6dPHF28Yg2A

Ooooh cute!! I love it, thank you!

Fair enough. I was just asking because I wasn't sure if I should take it, or if I'm outside the audience it's intended for.

Wait, so by "without romantic orientation", are you including or excluding aromantics?

Oh, in that case, how about Yami Yugi/Atem from Yugioh with an aro flag (however you want to incorporate it, be it an actual flag or a shirt or just the background or whatever)? Or Jounouchi/Joey, if Yugi's hair is too complicated.

Ofc you don't have to draw either of them if you don't want to, but I'd love to see them if the idea appeals to you!

What kind of pride art?

7 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

Can I ask what a flamel is? The only thing I know it as is Nicholas Flamel....

It's this symbol, which is indeed related to Nicholas Flamel:

Although tbh if I were to get it as a tattoo, I think I'd want a bit of a fancier interpretation. Tattoo art, yknow. Anyway, I want it on my left shoulder as an homage to Alphonse Elric:

Al is my favorite fictional character of all time (although Kitty Pryde is a pretty close second). He really means a lot to me, and his character in particular helped me get through some tough times, especially when I was younger. He's part of the original inspiration for voidpunk, and I honestly still look to him as a role model. I've been wanting to get a tattoo in his honor since I was about 15 or so.

I've just got regular old earrings, but someday I would like a tattoo of a flamel on my left shoulder. (Edit: I do also dye my hair a lot. Currently, my thing is lime green bangs, which I've had for the past few years.)

Voidpunk!!

I have severe ADHD, ARFID, inappropriate sinus tachycardia, and anaphylaxis.

Aaaaaaaaanyway. Good post, Magni. I think this has some really good points and I do think we should try to work on these things.