Ikarus

I just thought it would be interesting to discuss cuddling. It's something I have never done, and I don’t know if I would ever feel comfortable doing it. There is the idea of cuddling and the reality, if my idea is no where close to reality then I would probably hate cuddling. That would mean I loved the idea of cuddling more than cuddling. One of the things about cuddling I like is its not sexual, at least how I see it. The intention behind cuddling would also be important with me. If there are any romantic or sexual intentions, I would feel uncomfortable. Also I don’t think most guy are into cuddling, at least my straight friends would not at all feel comfortable lmao.... Its a social stigma I suppose, and dudes usually like competing with video games, and the like and not being intimate like this. More dudes should cuddle in my opinion, its cool, and it’s alright. It would help the whole male problem with appearing hyper stoic, and emotionless. Feeling is seen as a weakness a lot, and I think its a sign of toxic masculinity. But if your just not comfortable with cuddling as a dude, that’s your thing, do what you wanna do right... But no need to feel awkward by wanting to cuddle with your bro because of social stigmas. Anyway, those are my thoughts how about you people.

Welcome Maisap, hope you enjoy yourself here. I am also new, and I have enjoyed being here so far. There are a lot of fruitful discussions, and interesting people to get to know. Have fun!

Alright, I think you made some good points Jedi. Doomer detected. Im more doomer than I realized. Lots of times fears cloud our judgements. I guess sometimes I make the mistake of fearing hope in positive changes. My fear tells me that hope can be a dangerous thing... If you have hope that something can work out, and be great, the exact opposite can happen. No one has any control over the outcomes of life. If you develop too much hope, then disappointment can hit you harder. Put if you prepare your mind for a negative outcome, then you aren’t to disappointed, since you didn’t have that much hope in the first place. I am not saying this way of thinking is good, its just how I feel sometimes. What people should do is focus on the one thing you can control, yourself, not outcomes. But here is a better alternative for people like me. Having a little bit of hope isn’t always a bad thing. Fearing disappointment, which prevents you from trying new things (like having female friends) does not lead to growth. Growth comes with risk, and potentially pain, but at least you can say you’re living. Risk assessment and so on is healthy when your not letting fear influence to much of your decisions like I am apt to do. Also for the sake of clarity. I do not think all opposite sex friendships are generalized and bound to fail. Everyone is different, which means that outcomes can vary. When I said I was generalizing people, and would rephrase what I said, I was not defending generalizing people. I should have added that I think generalizing is a mistake, and unhelpful. Instead, people are unique, and no one can shove an entire sex into one box and say All females want X. That is a mistake. Thanks for reading... And I think you are right about using the word females too much. I can see how saying the female usually wants romantic love is odd. Saying that instead of the woman makes the sentence weird. It is like a wildlife documentary, I will try to refrain from saying it like that in the future.

I have never done anything sensual before because of the romantic implications, and because I don’t think my male friends would at all be comfortable with it. But how do I feel about it.... I don’t know.... The only sensual thing I would like to try is cuddling. I have never done it though. So there is the idea of cuddling, and then the reality which I don’t know yet. If the idea matches with the reality in any way then I can enjoy sensual activities. If they do not match whatsoever, then I suppose I only loved the idea of cuddling... Most guys probably don’t like cuddling with each other, especially if they are straight. I would feel uncomfortable for making them uncomfortable if the straight dude was actually open minded enough to try it. Females... amatanormativity, just want to get that out of the way. Besides that, I think more females would feel comfortable with it than males cuddling with males. Another part of sensual stuff like cuddling boils down to this. If the people I cuddle with are comfortable with it, then I am comfortable with it. If not, then it would get awkward. and If I feel awkward, then I must have loved the idea of cuddling, but not cuddling in reality. Person better not be stinky either...

I have found the definitions for each word Platonic love: Absence of sex or romance, rather based on the philosophical writings of Plato. Striving towards spiritual or ideal beauty. (mostly got scientific definitions, from urban dictionary) Dating: When two people really like each other, and decide to hang out to see if they can stand being around each other. Wikipedia: A form of assessing each others abilities for a future intimate relationship. To discover if ones prospective date is romantically or sexually compatible with them. A form of courtship consisting of social activities. Combine these two definitions Platonic dating: A form of assessing each others abilities for a future intimate relationship. However instead of assessing sexual or romantic qualities, the people, daters, get to know each others platonic characteristics. Platonic characteristics simply meaning who the person is, and if they would like to develop an intimate “friendship” or “qpr" with them. (Alternative) Platonic dating carries romantic baggage with it. The definition of dating, and how it functions societally is built around two people getting to know each others romantic or sexual abilities. If you strip these away, what do you get? Well you get two people getting to know about each other. Why not call platonic dating, Platonic Acquainting? It sounds a little choppy but its the only english word I can think of which doesn’t carry romantic connotations. If you're going out with a friend, is it a date? Thats how it is for me as well... You can call it other names as well. A meet up, an outing, etc. I suppose people who do qpr wouldn’t mind the term dating. Especially those who are Quoiromantic(don’t know if they experience romantic attraction, and cannot define it or differentiate it from platonic attraction)./Quasiromantic: (There Platonic and romantic attraction blend / mix together in a non traditional way. Feel rare attractions.) I like to think of platonic dating as a term some aromantics prefer. It depends whether or not they are comfortable with its romantic implications, which I am not... The term can be simplified to getting acquainted to each other non romantically / sexually. I also think Quasiromantic and Quoiromantic, who usually engage in qprs more often will feel more comfortable using the term since they have a unique relationship to romance that most aromantics do not have.

You are right Jedi, I was definitely generalizing females with the generalization brush there. Allow me to rephrase what I said above. Not all females are the way I described them above, fated to have jealous boyfriends, and not wanting friends. I am sure there are some females who would not mind having opposite sex friends. People are complicated and everyone is different, no one can generalize human behavior and put an entire sex of people into one box. Although I still think most females will probably have jealous boyfriends ect. And this is also true vise versa, jealous girlfriends, and other relationships. I might sound pessimistic hear but I really do think most people, not all, but most people generally view friendship as second rate. For example I know my friendships with my male friends are not secure/long lasting. They are in college right now, I rarely get to see them, and soon they will find girlfriends and most likely get married. After marriage its hard to see people as often, kids, and so on. You won’t get to spend nearly as much time as before they where married. Add on to that their girlfriends feelings and plans with them always will be a top priority above any plans I make with them. This is the problems I foresee with people who are the same sex as me. When I say foresee I simply mean having good foresight, risk assessment, and likely hood. I usually hope for the best but plan for the most likely scenario to happen when it comes to my friends. In other words these are obstacles I am anticipating, and don’t believe I can do much about them, since these outcomes are probably inevitable. Now turning to possibly having female friendships / opposite sex friendships. I have never had one, that is true. Although this does not mean that I can’t make some good predictions about the potential difficulty there will be in maintaining an opposite sex friendship. More likely than not I believe "most people" who are of the opposite sex who actually do form some type of friendship, will still be very complicated to maintain. Society does not encourage opposite sex friendships, do you remember the last movie where to good opposite sex friends stayed friends and didn’t “fall in love” or have sex. Actually I can’t name any media representation of people who are really good opposite sex friends of the top of my head. I think in the dating world a friend simply means a prospect, a potential romantic partner. This is important because one of the big obstacles I see is someones girlfriend/boyfriend seeing you, the aromantic, as possibly being that persons prospect. Keep in mind most people don’t even believe aromantic people exist in the first place. This drama does not exist in my same sex friendships because I know they are straight, and they're girlfriends will never be jealous of me in the same way as an opposite sex friendship. Thats just how I see it though, and I’m sure people will disagree with me. This is why I see opposite sex friendships as being complicated, and potentially difficult to maintain. Also I see myself possibly entering a lot of drama during these relationships. On the upside it is possible, however unlikely...

Yo, Ive had this thought.... All my friends are dudes, so I don't have this fear that much. Im male by the way.. This problem seems most prevalent with opposite sex ppl. I really dont have any female friends, and am afraid to because they will probably mistake my intentions for being romantic/sexual. Also I dont see the point in having female friends who are not aro, heres why. Female allos either want a romantic relationship , or want friend with benefits (im ace no thanks)... Lastly their boyfriend or later on fiancée will get jealous so bye bye friendship. Ive never had female friends but this is just obstacles I forsee. This sounds pessimistic but im just thinking realistically here

A Refreshing read. Her life story is a testament to show you can live a kick ass life being single. Celebrate personal milestones, true! People don't have to celebrate only romantic ambitions. Career/ business success, or friendship anniversaries. Family reunions, fandom meet ups, I could go on there is so much outside the narrow confines of romantic love! Anyway thanks for reading my mini rant i need to sleep, And thanks for sharing the article Holmbo..

Sup everyone, I'm Ikarus... I’m 19, and get ready for a bunch of aaaasss. I am an Agender Apothi Aro Ace.... Apothi means I’m repulsed to romance and sex. For example if anything has romantic or sexual implications to it, then I begin to feel uncomfortable by it. For instance romantic songs, kissing scenes in movies, yada yada yada you get the picture... I found out I was Aro Ace about a year ago, and found the Apothi micro label later on. Despite being repulsed to romance it still took me a while to understand my feelings. First of all I didn’t know the term aromantic existed, secondly I thought I was a late bloomer. I thought at a certain age I would suddenly unlock the romance badge. Well I was 18 and still no romance. I was still looking away at kissing scenes and getting frustrated by jazz vocals ruining songs at dinner. I journaled a bunch, and came to a thought I was avoiding for a while. I was different from other people.... I didn’t mind this thought at first, it was rather interesting. Although that interesting thought came with the darkest consequence. If I’m different, than what if I am the only one? Thankfully this fear didn’t last to long, I think Immediately after I considered being alone I searched something like, romance is cringe, or people who don’t like romance. Then I discovered the term aromantic, and realized this definition is literally me! I felt so good that I was not the only one, which I thought for most of my life I guess. Jeez this post is getting a little long now, I am going to just list some random things I like to do and end it. I love lots of random music, especially foreign music. I usually don’t know what people are saying, which means I escape the romo yay! I also like vaporware, and subgenera’s within it. I am studying philosophy. I love Godzilla, watch a lot of retro stuff like Macgyver. I am starting to get into fashion. I think people should bring back the wig, and bring back Louis the 14th type style during the Baroque period. Long tube tube socks to show off muscular calves. One more thing, I love skeletons, ok bye....