Mark

I can like people. Difficulty is finding anyone who can like and accept me as me. All most everyone else appears interested in is some weird crazy stuff (romance) or some very limited kind of friendship (platonic). It certainly dosn't make me happy that many cool things seem only possible if you can put up with the romance junk.

My fears are very much about lack of company and missing out. Most obviously in terms of everything sensual and sexual. But also in terms of lots of "platonic" things. Because of the whole idea that it's expected to do lots of things "as a couple", especially when you are over 25-30. Much fewer people who prefer an "as a group" type of dynamic, combined with the problem of being seen as "too old" by most of them.

It can sometimes look that way, from the aro POV.

There's also the strange thing about dumping friends when they find "(not) the one". Yet somehow this dosn't appear to make it as difficult for them to meet new people as one might expect. (Indeed some seem to find it easy to go from one romantic relationship to another.)

I'm very much in the "tribal" group. Which makes it difficult with certain kinds of event. Since I find myself very much intimidated by "couplefests". If anything this seems to get worst when one is over 25-30 Though being very much of a second class person though not being coupled (or interested in being coupled) is a definite issue.

From this POV a great deal of "couple's culture" could make sense. Or they believe they are failing in their quest for "the one". Though it dosn't appear to be all down to romantic attraction. There are certainly a proportion of aros who very much want a singular "life partner". Whereas others seek more a group/tribe. (With these not being the only options either).

That they don't get a WTF reaction to the term 'other half'...

Most commonly in cases of outright prostitution, IME. Kind of like kissing can be more romantic coded than sex. Have observed allos in ONS and hookup type situations appearing to want to role play romance. Personally I'd take the risk of getting romantic **** thrown in my direction. (Not like I know any other aros in person.) The difficulty is being able to find it.

There's a couple of problems with how people can perceive this. The first is that they may ignore the "but..." part. The second is that saying "NOT x" means that people will think about "x". (Even to the point that parts of their brains can ignore the "NOT" part.)

About the only good "Disney princess" characters which come to mind are Mulan (who is actually a commoner) and Leia (since Disney bought Star Wars). Don't ever recall a case of such a princess complaining about the lack of effectivness of her bodyguard detail or the failure of her own nation to send a military team to rescue her. Instead some foreigner shows up, typically without any backup. Rarely with the good sense to provide her with appropriate weapons/clothes/armour...

I like kissing. Though "kiss repulsion" does seem to come up quite frequently in aro forums. Possibly more common amongst aro aces, but there are some aro allo people whoe experience it. Especially when doing so without any affectionate behaviour. Though often the terms themselves make little sense to direct towards another adult. e.g. "baby"... On the other hand I can find it difficult to say "I love you" to anyone. Because of this over use in romance. Having to find alternative phrases such such as "I care about you"; "I'll be there for you"; etc.

The first article I found was trying to relate this to motor neurone disease. The odd thing is that this study was carried out by psychiatrists, rather than neurologists or endocrinologists. The whole idea goes by the name Manning hypothesis. An article here questions if this is valid.

Something interesting is that allos tend to find such behaviour desirable if it comes from "the right person". Even in cases where someone they are (romantically) attracted to and someone they are not is behaving identically towards them, Whereas aros tend to the behaviour universally repulsive. My feeling tends to be more one of envy. Since due to being aro (and other reasons) it's very difficult for me to find even one person i can do anything affectionate with

I once encountered someone who insisted that all bisexuals must be biromantic. But, curiously, not that all biromantics must be bisexual. Effectively claiming that sexual attraction must be associated with romantic attraction.

It would also be possible for someone to have corresponding sexual and romantic orientations whilst not experiencing both towards the same person. Kind of wondering how often it would happen for an alloromantic allosexual to start a romo-sexual relationship in the hope that sexual attraction would develop...

I gave this a try but couldn't get it to produce results due to no suitable gender option.

I'm an ambivet, something like 60:40 E:I. Though Myers Briggs tests only ever show me as an I. I'm also very shy, with shyness being frequently confused with introverstion, including by many so called experts.

The difficulty for allos is that romantic flirting may well be repulsive. Possibly even more so when it's purely romantic. From either a receiving or giving POV. It also seems to work the other way around. Since for at least some allos sex can be very romantically coded. I'd be very wary about linking this to anything older than around 500 years. Since the concept of romance is very modern. With the idea of it being the basis for sexual relationships only having been around for about a century. I think it's something best with friends. To have the emotional connection there... Also something which I, being on the autistic spectrum, struggle with especially. Both because I hate ambiguity and find these forms of "communication" to often be invisible anyway.

This is something I find quite irritating. How it can be put in to tick some random box, rather than for sound reasons of character or plot.

To me romance does seem of have some commonality with friendship. Like a degraded multi-generational copy with strange additions. With those additions such as exclusivity, escalation and merger weakening any similarity to friendship. Maybe it's because romantic relationships can be quite standardised. So individuals matter less than being able to follow the script. Certainly the aim of the whole thing appears to be to merge into a couple...

I've always felt, very, limited by what others were interested in doing with me. Always wanted what could be described as "network poly", even before the term was coined. Not so much no commitment as different commitment. My experience is that just about everyone will straight away consider me as exclusively (neo) platonic. With the rare exceptions being "let's have a (romantic) relationship right now!". From my POV something like a "hook up" or "first date" looks like a vast improvement. Especially if it were to happen reasonably often. It's something I'd still consider if the offer was there. But it never has been... IME It can be just as bad as the het scene when it comes wanting non romantic relationships.

This seems a very aro way to want to go about relationships. I also suspect that it is incomprehensible to most allos (even those who say they want "friends first"). It's also virtually impossible to find any sort of "role model" within popular culture. IME social situations where this is not the case are few and far between. When people don't understand the rules, can't see where the lines and boundries are they tend to either be very cautious or very reckless. (Sometimes a mixture of the two depending on if they feel in a safe environment or not.) You sound very much the former, including being frightened of being seen as the latter. It undoubtedly does make a huge contribution. I'm guessing that without support it's difficult to have any idea of what things you could do. Especially given that support and advice aimed at allos is likely to be inappropriate for you, even repulsive. Personally I often find "low pressure" (as well as "informal" and "casual") social situations to be intrinsically anxiety inducing. Even though the majority of people appear to be the opposite.

It does appear that there are socially acceptable ways to be uninterested in sexual relationships which do not have romantic equivalents. IME talking about lack of romantic attraction is not at all OK with most people. There are also plenty of ways in which the world is specifically set up with the assumption that everyone is (or wants to be) in a couple.

The most obvious problem with this person's argument is the idea that romance is somehow "turbocharged friendship". Whereas I'd say it is a different kind of relationship from friendship. It would make more sense to claim that QP friendships are "more than", "further than" (neo) platonic friendships. Many allos could even be considered "handicapped" when it comes to relationships. Not only do they typically appear only capable of one romantic relationship at once when they are "in a relationship" they can struggle to maintain friendships. Sometimes even family relationships. You could even look at it as some allos being incapable of non platonic friendships, so they have to do the romantic thing in order to be able to have sensual and sexual interactions

It can rather depend on their reactions to how you answer "Why?". As well as what happens if you ask them why they are alloromantic or what their, personal, motivations for wanting romance are.