omitef

Speaking of crushes, I had this crush on a polyamorous person who I lost interest in, after finding out they seemed to be somewhat infatuated with me. I tried to reduce contact with them to more of a "friends" level rather than "crush" level, except they ended up rarely talking to me at all, which pissed me off. It's like, the only reason they wanted to talk to me was to see if they could date me, and they weren't really interested in being friends at all. I unfriended them on Facebook, and blocked them on Steam. We haven't interacted with each other for a couple of weeks, and after seeing them flirt with other people, I assumed they moved on. But then, yesterday, I noticed them staring at me through the window between our classrooms. Like, literally, just standing there staring. I aggressively avoided eye contact with them. I'm so frustrated, both with myself and them. I don't want to date my crushes; I want to be friends with them. But then if my crush ends up liking me back, they start acting all weird and the friendship turns into a terrible performance where they try to do ridiculous things to get my approval. I wish there was a way to approach my crushes without risking this kind of situation happening. Maybe I should just not approach my crushes at all.

...I just came out to two of my friends and both of their reactions were basically, "Oh, well are you sure it's not because you've been surrounded by hot jerks? What if someone better comes along?" I mean, IDK, sure. I used to think I was straight until I ran into a sexually attractive guy every other month, and discovered non-binary people. I can change my labels as I learn more about myself. But I'm pretty sure this isn't gonna change.

I'm not polyamorous, but I am lithromantic, and do experience romantic attraction quite intensely up until the other person reciprocates. For me, not acting on crushes actually intensifies my romantic feelings. It's like, the longer you try to hold onto a secret, the more you want to tell someone about it. I think it really just depends on the person, and less on their orientation. Uuuuuuugh. That's so sad. I wish people wouldn't think that, just because their partner likes another person in addition to them, means their partner likes them less. I mean, if you get a new dog even though you already own a dog, you're not going to love your old dog less.

I also really like shipping, but I find myself looking away whenever people are being romantically affectionate with each other, and especially when people are being sexually affectionate with each other (even though I'm a very sexual person myself). Whenever people start kissing, holding hands, etc. I feel like I'm watching a really cheesy and terrible play that everyone expects me to like and care about but really I just euuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh.

For me, the line between sexual and romantic is defined by intent. Did you kiss that person because you think they're cute and you're trying to display your affection towards them? Then that kiss was romantic. Did you kiss that person because you want to sleep with them? Then that kiss was sexual. I only feel gross about actions like kissing, when there's a difference between the intent of the giver and receiver. If the person who's kissing me, is kissing me because they want to show how much they're romantically attracted to me, I feel gross. If they're kissing me because they want to f*ck me, or because they want to just as way of expressing intimacy, then I don't mind...I might even like it, depending on the person.

If only people didn't think that polyamory was cheating. -.-

Appropriate responses: That's okay, I can help with that. *breaks the other person's bones* You won't be feeling anything for a couple weeks. Why not just shut up I'm also confused about why you're still talking Have you met men

@Natkat I do agree that romantic expectations vary from country to country. Like, my parents come from Taiwan, and their idea of how people should be in love completely differs from what I've heard it should be, from my American peers. My parents don't say things like, "I love you." They show their love by taking care of the kids when the other person's busy, and by cooking food for each other and doing each other's laundry. Physical contact is nonexistent in our house. I can't remember the last time my parents hugged each other, or me.

What was weird about it, if you don't mind me asking?

Asexual necrophiliacs?

@DannyFenton123 I can definitely see why "After the Storm" would be a good song to listen to when you're upset. It makes me feel calm, and towards the end of the song, I feel a little more resolved to try and put things back together. @OptimisticPessimist

I can relate to this 100%. If I think someone might be hitting on me I immediately shut them down using any method possible. I'll pretend they don't exist when they try to talk to me, I'll even lie and say I'm taken (which is partially true because I have a mutual squish and we're not formally in a qpp).

I have a happy song playlist, and my guilty pleasure song (Geronimo) just came on.

I've gone on the subreddit /r4r to make friends, except people leave as soon as they realize I'm not interested in dating them...even though I explicitly stated I wasn't looking for a partner at the start.

Wow people really like mentioning fish sticks, ew Sashimi?

Free food

Speedrun

Red Light

Well, exclusivity means something that's not shared with others, and you can have a group of people you're exclusive with, like polyfidelity. I'm pretty monogamous too, and it'd be ideal if my squish didn't date anyone and just kept up a great friendship with me, but at the same time, if pursuing romance and other intimate relationships makes her happy, I'm all for it, no matter what shape or form it takes.

Actually, it still works with polyamory, because you can have multiple people at the center of your universe. That's interesting. For me, I don't really want my platonic relationship to be more important than my squish's potential future romantic relationship. I want our friendship to be equal in importance.

I'm terrified that my squish and I will grow apart, or that my squish will turn out not to be aroace and end up choosing to abandon/reduce the intimacy of our friendship for her future partner. I'm afraid that I'll spend the rest of life forcing myself to date, because I want intimacy and sex. I'm scared that I'll have to be closeted about my aro identity forever, because people think that lithromanticism is a tumblr identity.

Okay, so speaking as someone who's lithromantic, and had a crush turn into a squish, here's my opinion on defining romantic attraction. The difference between platonic and romantic attraction, for me, is exclusivity. When I feel platonic attraction towards someone, I want to be a significant part of their world, but not the center of their universe. I want to get close to them and make them happy, but I don't feel the desire to always be close to them, or be a major source of their happiness. When I feel romantic attraction towards someone, I want to be their everything. I want to be the one who is there for them, 100% of the time, providing everything and anything they want or need--except when I actually end up doing it, or get asked to do it, I feel really gross.

I'm a transguy, and before coming out, I identified as lesbian. Then I came out as a straight trans guy. And then after discovering non-binary people and the occasional attraction to men, I identified as queer. Except no matter what I identified as, I always had trouble staying in relationships, or actually wrapping my head around relationships. Whenever I asked people out, I actually felt more nervous about them accepting me than rejecting me, and whenever people started going after me, it felt really weird. I always assumed I was just insecure, but the aversion to getting into romantic relationships persisted after I worked on making myself less insecure.

I feel like Napstablook is depressed more than aro. Napstablook struggles with making connections with others in general, like there was that one scene where he tries adding you as a friend, but then rejects his own friend request.

Ew (Nothing personal, I dislike all olives.) Lychee