Is this behavior normal for alloromantics?

[Firebird]

I've had some alloromantics tell me that the following behavior is not normal, but considering how blinded by their own romantic feelings someone can be, I wanted to ask fellow aros if the following is typical alloromantic behavior, or if there is something more going on, and if so, what is it:

1. Ignoring any sort of boundaries set by me and/or agreements we had as to where we stand. For example, if I wanted to have casual sex with someone, and we agree that there is nothing more to it, right after we have sex, they start discussing moving in together, pursuing a romantic relationship, etc etc. I also notice that I can't be friends with people who have romantic feelings for me, because instead of trying to form a genuine connection, all that's on their mind is "How do I get her to like me romantically?", and it's so painfully obvious, even when they're trying to be subtle about it.
2. Delusions consisting of the following:
   1. I am the perfect person for them. Whatever traits they want in a partner, they automatically think I have them, or that I have them "deep down inside" or whatever. It's creepy talking to these people, because it feels like they're talking to a mirage, as opposed to engaging with me directly.
   2. Believing we have some sort of ESP. Then getting super pissed whenever I either can't read their telepathic messages, or whenever they discover that what they thought I communicated to them telepathically, and what I really wanted from them, are two completely different things. One thing they've tried doing was telling me we're "not meant for each other" as a way to get me to pursue them romantically back, which, surprise surprise, doesn't make me pursue them, and then they get pissed that I don't, because how could I have misssed their telepathic message asking me to pursue them!?!
   3. Believing that I have any sort of attraction to them, romantic or otherwise. My roommate lived in a romantic fantasy/delusion for a whole year, and when I told him that, surprise surprise, I have no romantic feelings for him, he "broke up" with me, and I had to remind them that we're not in a relationship in the first place. 🙄
3. Pretending to like the same things I do, think the same way I do, value the same things I do. It's such a mockery of the things I care about in life, to pretend to also be into them, and butchering the meaning and value of them mercilessly. Is this supposed to be attractive to alloromantics?
4. Mental capabilities go on a steep decline. Mfer turns from a mature adult to being dumber than a toddler.
5. They become my mental prisoner. I can tell them to do literally anything, and they'll do it. If I didn't have a heart, I could exploit the fuck out of this mechanic.
6. They start neglecting their friends, family, loved ones, work... everything in their life outside of me.
7. They lose all purpose in life, other than serving me. The smarter people on here can guess what dark spiral this mindset leads to.

The most tragic fact about this all is, is that other than the spiral of obsession and self destruction they go down, they then start resenting me for literally something that is not my fault. They think I have asserted power over them to try and control them, because they start realizing that I do not reciprocate any of the above behaviors. They think it's unfair and that I'm manipulating them, but to be completely honest, all the delusions and mental prisons they find themselves in are not my doing, and is completely their own fault. They say things like "I can never be good enough for you" (after they try to do something for me, and it turns out, I never wanted them to do it and/or it makes things worse than if they had done nothing), "I do so much for you, and you don't do anything for me", and "I work so hard for you and you're ungrateful for it". Any time I tell other alloromantics about this behavior, they agree that it's toxic, unhealthy, unfair to me, so then why is it that every time an alloromantic engages with me in any romantic context, this happens? Why is it that whenever I try to have a relationship with someone (whether casual sex, serious long term, or just a friendship but with unwelcome romantic undertones) the other person withers away like a flower so easily?

Small update: I have finally been able to figure out what pure unadulterated romance is like, when everything else (sexual attraction, emotional attraction, sensual attraction, platonic love etc) is stripped away. It's called limerance, and when looking it up, the characteristics closely match what I've been describing all along. So yeah, it very much is normal behavior for alloromantics... sadly. I've joined the romance repulsed camp. I don't want anything to do with it anymore.

Edited September 16, 2023 by Firebird

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

No, like everyone said, this is not normal. Are you a woman who dresses strangely or hangs out with a lot of nerds? They might be Manic Pixie Dream Girl-ing you.

[Neon]

None of this is normal at all. I've had friends who have had intense crushes on people and nothing they did/said came remotely close to anything you've just described.

[Firebird]

2 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

No, like everyone said, this is not normal. Are you a woman who dresses strangely or hangs out with a lot of nerds? They might be Manic Pixie Dream Girl-ing you.

Spot on 😅. I dress very unconventionally, and I hang out with a lot of nerds, because I am one myself. It's also important to note that this kind of behavior happens regardless of gender, however, women and femme enbies get pulled into it faster because I actually am willing to have sex with them and more, I presume. What exactly do you mean by Manic Pixie Dream Girl-ing?

Edited September 11, 2023 by Firebird

[DeltaAro]

1. - 3. could be a clumsy attempt at PUA / NLP manipulation techniques. Or behavior caused by mental disorders, sounds like borderline and schizotypal PD.

4. - 7. some allos exhibit such behaviors if they're extremely desperate and obsessively fixated, but this is considerably outside the norm.

22 hours ago, Firebird said:

Spot on 😅. I dress very unconventionally, and I hang out with a lot of nerds, because I am one myself. It's also important to note that this kind of behavior happens regardless of gender, however, women and femme enbies get pulled into it faster because I actually am willing to have sex with them and more, I presume. What exactly do you mean by Manic Pixie Dream Girl-ing?

I guess something like this: believing that you're that quirky, cheerful special girl that will lighten up their lives, pull them out of their depressing existence...

(looked at examples for movies here and found out that I instinctively avoided most movies with that trope)

Probably your aro-ness eggs them on. But to this degree? I would be scared.

 

[Collie]

That all sounds very strange and not normal

[Firebird]

16 hours ago, DeltaAro said:

1. - 3. could be a clumsy attempt at PUA / NLP manipulation techniques. Or behavior caused by mental disorders, sounds like borderline and schizotypal PD.

4. - 7. some allos exhibit such behaviors if they're extremely desperate and obsessively fixated, but this is considerably outside the norm.

I guess something like this: believing that you're that quirky, cheerful special girl that will lighten up their lives, pull them out of their depressing existence...

(looked at examples for movies here and found out that I instinctively avoided most movies with that trope)

Probably your aro-ness eggs them on. But to this degree? I would be scared.

 

Yeah, I currently am scared too. Going out into the dating world (dating used very broadly here, cause I still crave sexual relations) is terrifying due to the history of people, for some reason, thinking that they gotta use unethical behavior/manipulation tactics to get with me.

[DeltaAro]

7 hours ago, Firebird said:

(dating used very broadly here, cause I still crave sexual relations)

I guess that "confuses" them, to put it very nicely. But remember: it's not your fault!!

[Firebird]

8 hours ago, DeltaAro said:

I guess that "confuses" them, to put it very nicely. But remember: it's not your fault!!

It shouldn't confuse "them", because I'm always very specific and explicit with what I want. When I want nothing more than a hookup, and I explicitly say that, it better stay nothing more than a hookup, etc.

Edited September 14, 2023 by Firebird

[nonmerci]

Nothing about what you say is normal. The only thing that may be typical is people pretending to love what you love, but I think it is more something young people do when they are still learning how to proceed in relationships.

So that's not typical alloromantic things, but big red flags. I'm sorry to see how unlucky you were with guys. Seem that you met a lot of toxic assholes.

Edited September 14, 2023 by nonmerci

[Firebird]

6 hours ago, nonmerci said:

Nothing about what you say is normal. The only thing that may be typical is people pretending to love what you love, but I think it is more something young people do when they are still learning how to proceed in relationships.

So that's not typical alloromantic things, but big red flags. I'm sorry to see how unlucky you were with guys. Seem that you met a lot of toxic assholes.

I don't even date guys... I'm a lesbian