How do I know

[Guest idk]

Hello! I wonder if I'm aroace. I don't think I feel sexual or romantic attraction towards others, but sometimes the thought of being in a romantic relationship sounds fun. How did you know??

[WanderingEvan]

It's also worth noting that attraction and intent are two different things. Aromanticism is about attraction which is feeling that pull towards a specific person and that has nothing to do with favourability. I've seen this be brought up a lot in ace spaces but not so much in aro spaces. Just like how ace people can enjoy sex, aro people can enjoy romance. 

Edited August 5, 2023 by WanderingEvan

[HelloThere]

When I really looked back, I deciphered what I thought of others that I thought I had crushes on, and no one was actually a romantic crush. Not to mention that I’d gone on like 30,000 aroace quizzes and I came back with the same results every time: aromantic and aegosexual.

[CanadianBird]

Could this match what you're thinking?

[Rackson]

Like @HelloThere said, its a good idea to look back on your past and present feelings and see if they match the description of being aro, it is common to not know if you are aromantic, and it took me months to settle on a yes or no answer to the question. 

[Synthetic Adrenaline]

I'm unsure if the term truly applies to me. I've had relationships before. It's less that I don't experience romance at all and more that I like my freedom and solitude and relationships always feel like an invasion of that. I am also NOT into being mushy and things like saying I love you are NOT my thing. I'm unsure if that counts. 

I joined largely because I wanted somewhere to meet people in a purely platonic way. 

I get that perhaps I'm appropriating something here...but the whole not-being-a-relationships-person phenomenon has led to heavy consequences for me and others before. As a naive 20 year old I actually had someone move across several time zones for me only for me to realize too late that I hated relationships and wanted my freedom back. He ended up stranded far from home in a country where he didn't speak the language. I almost had that happen again earlier this year - had a FWB lined up and he got far too serious and wanted to move to be with me. I said no and ended it. I feel bad but I'm also glad I did better this time and didn't let someone upend their life for me when I didn't really love them back.

[AstrophelDragon]

Asexual was relatively easy for me to figure out, since I am apothisexual (sex-repulsed, wants nothing ever to do with it). It took more effort for me to realize that other people actually feel sexual attraction than it did for me to realize I didn't (if it's less obvious to you, you can still totally be ace, that was just my experience). Once I understood it, asexual just felt right. When I first said to myself, "I am asexual", I had an almost sinking feeling inside, not positive or negative, but just like something inside had found its place.

Same kind of feeling happened when I realized I was genderfluid.

However, it took me over two years of questioning to finally figure out that yes, I am aromantic. Because, romantic relationships aren't exactly repulsive to me. I like being romantically close to people, and I'm pretty sure I experience some sort of tertiary (like, alterous or queerplatonic) attraction, that I thought for a while must be some sort of romantic attraction. I realized I was aro-spec, but couldn't figure out the exact microlabel that fit me. I tried on a bunch, and some seemed to fit my idea of myself really well, but I was never fully satisfied with them. I also had been in what was sort of a romantic relationship in the past, and honestly enjoyed it, but we never were quite comfortable with calling it romantic, and the other person turned out to also be aro-spec, and we kind of just, fell apart. I assumed because of that, I couldn't be completely aromantic. I must feel some sort of romantic attraction. But nothing felt right. Finally, I realized that just because I had been in a semi-romantic relationship and even enjoyed it for a time, didn't mean I couldn't be aromantic. When I said to myself, "I am aromantic," I again got that sinking feeling of, this is correct. Because romance doesn't feel right to me. I like people in a platonic way, and sometimes I get some sort of other, stronger attraction to them, but it's not romantic. It's just, something else.

Sorry I probably made that more confusing. To summarize, I'll say, don't be afraid to try on different labels and see what fits. And know that some people do figure it out quickly, but sometimes it takes a lot longer to sort through yourself

[alto]

For me, learning about comphet (although I'm still no expert) was very helpful in figuring out my romantic orientation.  When I learned about comphet, I realized I really didn't want a romantic relationship...and maybe not a monogamous one either.