Sorry if fhe question sounds weird but I just had a fight in an aro place about it and it drove me insane.
To sum it up, in a post someone said "we still need base attraction, that is one fondation for respect", so I ask what base attraction was. And that's where the conversation get insane.
Me : "what's base attraction?"
Them : "Base attraction is what gens your attention and makes you want more. The specific attraction varies according to situation, for instance it can be sexual or professional, but without the base attraction there is no drive to talk to someone".
Me : "The concept is alien to me so I won't use it but I'm glad if it helps other understanding themselves".
Them " maybe you are more misanthropist than what you think cause that's more than just aromanticism. You could be asocial. Do you "insert a couple of questions about situation when people feel attraction".
Me : "No, I'm not asocial nor a misanthropist. It just that I don't relate to the concept of base attraction cause of this and that".
Them : "You should apologize to all of your teachers".
Litterally that's it, I don't even exagerate or forget any step in it. That catches me off guard and when I ask about why the sudden rudeness, I learned that I am an asshole, should apologize to anyone who tried to teach me interpersonal skills cause they deserve a drink, and that I am the rude one for coming to their post and making it all about me.
I do admit that when I ask what base attraction was, I knew I won't relate and that I will be pissed that someone made a generalization about how we all need it. And maybe I should just have said "thanks you" when they explained what it was instead of saying the model doesn't work with everyone. So maybe that was assholy of me. Sorry.
But then. They are the one who asked questions about me, and then they get mad cause I talk about me??? If you don't to hear about my experiences, why are you asking??? And then blame me for answering??? What is the idea???
I can get thay they didn't like when I said I have no use of this concept : people take it badly when you have no use of something that is fundamental for them, I suppose. But do you know what I don't like? When people automatically assume things about you when you talk about not relating to attraction. I really don't like that aro and ace communities act as if categorizing every human relationship in terms of attraction work for everyone. Like I'm glad if this work for you, but it doesn't allow you to either trying to convince people they feel attraction when they say they don't cause "that's just a matter if vocabulary, if you do this then you feel attraction" (I did hear that), or try to convince you that you are asocial. I just wish I could enjoy my relationships without someone forcing attraction onto them. Maybe it showed in my response and it came up as hard or rude, I don't know, probably. But these insults were very unnecessary. If I didn't know the person was serious I would have thought it was a troll, cause they were just so gatruitous.
You are posting as a guest.
If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.
Question
Anonymous
Sorry if fhe question sounds weird but I just had a fight in an aro place about it and it drove me insane.
To sum it up, in a post someone said "we still need base attraction, that is one fondation for respect", so I ask what base attraction was. And that's where the conversation get insane.
Me : "what's base attraction?"
Them : "Base attraction is what gens your attention and makes you want more. The specific attraction varies according to situation, for instance it can be sexual or professional, but without the base attraction there is no drive to talk to someone".
Me : "The concept is alien to me so I won't use it but I'm glad if it helps other understanding themselves".
Them " maybe you are more misanthropist than what you think cause that's more than just aromanticism. You could be asocial. Do you "insert a couple of questions about situation when people feel attraction".
Me : "No, I'm not asocial nor a misanthropist. It just that I don't relate to the concept of base attraction cause of this and that".
Them : "You should apologize to all of your teachers".
Litterally that's it, I don't even exagerate or forget any step in it. That catches me off guard and when I ask about why the sudden rudeness, I learned that I am an asshole, should apologize to anyone who tried to teach me interpersonal skills cause they deserve a drink, and that I am the rude one for coming to their post and making it all about me.
I do admit that when I ask what base attraction was, I knew I won't relate and that I will be pissed that someone made a generalization about how we all need it. And maybe I should just have said "thanks you" when they explained what it was instead of saying the model doesn't work with everyone. So maybe that was assholy of me. Sorry.
But then. They are the one who asked questions about me, and then they get mad cause I talk about me??? If you don't to hear about my experiences, why are you asking??? And then blame me for answering??? What is the idea???
I can get thay they didn't like when I said I have no use of this concept : people take it badly when you have no use of something that is fundamental for them, I suppose. But do you know what I don't like? When people automatically assume things about you when you talk about not relating to attraction. I really don't like that aro and ace communities act as if categorizing every human relationship in terms of attraction work for everyone. Like I'm glad if this work for you, but it doesn't allow you to either trying to convince people they feel attraction when they say they don't cause "that's just a matter if vocabulary, if you do this then you feel attraction" (I did hear that), or try to convince you that you are asocial. I just wish I could enjoy my relationships without someone forcing attraction onto them. Maybe it showed in my response and it came up as hard or rude, I don't know, probably. But these insults were very unnecessary. If I didn't know the person was serious I would have thought it was a troll, cause they were just so gatruitous.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
10 answers to this question
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.