Friends in Romantic Relationships

[Peggy]

Kind of a rant. I guess I just need to get my feelings out, sorry.

I'm in high school so my friends are beginning to get into romantic relationships. None of my close friends have actually started dating yet but they talk about their crushes and I have a friend who's now actively trying to figure out if they should/how they should ask someone out. 

I'm trying to support this friend, but it's actually really, really hard to do. My two closest friends are obsessed with romance, they love reading and watching romance, and I'm completely against doing that. They're always asking me to 'admit it, that couple is cute' or squealing about how adorable a romance in a book is. These two friends are also the sweetest people in the world, they're always telling me how much they love me and that friendship is just a different type of relationship and romantic relationships aren't going to take away from their friendship with me, etc etc. But their obsession with romance is making it really really hard to believe. Why are you obsessed with romance and not friendship if this is true? Plus, there was this one time that I was joking about how I will get married for tax benefits, and one of my friends was like 'I'll marry you for tax benefits!' and then immediately after goes 'but if I meet someone I'm actually interested in marrying then I'll have to divorce you.' I understand that it was a joke, but that did hurt.

Anyways, back to that friend who's looking to ask their crush out. I feel like the worst person ever, but there's a big part of me who hopes that the other person doesn't like my friend back and they don't get together. I guess that just makes me really self-centered, but one of my worst fears is of my friends getting into romantic relationships and leaving me behind. I hate knowing that all my friends are going to leave me for partners someday and I'm never going to be the person loved most by someone, I'm never going to be the first person who they come to in order to talk, or who they want to spend time with first. 

I think I just needed to get those feelings out. But can anyone else relate to this?

[hemogoblin]

It's not selfish to feel your feelings or to value your friendships.

[Holmbo]

I think overtime you will meet people who value friendship as much as romance if you search for it. But now your options are limited. Maybe you could make some additional friend who's not interested in dating right now.

Edited March 22, 2023 by Holmbo

[AroAcedragon15]

I relate to this a lot. I'm also in school and it's really difficult to talk to anyone let alone make friends since all people talk about is romance and who's dating who. They've all been talking about this stuff since kindergarten but ever since we've gotten older it's just been getting worse and worse. If you want advice then I'd recommend finding other lgbtq students and hanging around them for a bit if you can. In my experience they don't talk about dating quite as much and Don't date as much. Also more than likely they have heard of aro people and would be really accepting and understanding.

[The Aro Mando Echo]

I'm sorry you have to handle this, and like hemogoblin said it is not selfish to care for your friends. It's understandable that you feel like you could lose them, and I don't think it's self-centered. It's weird for us when allos or alloros prioritize romance over friendship, but just know that it's okay to set boundaries and feel how you feel.

[Peggy]

On 3/22/2023 at 11:19 AM, AroAcedragon13 said:

 If you want advice then I'd recommend finding other lgbtq students and hanging around them for a bit if you can. In my experience they don't talk about dating quite as much and Don't date as much. 

My friends are all queer :( so I guess I tried that one already

 

Thank you everyone for your advice and encouragement!