Rant (I think??) !WARNING FOR APHOBIA!

[Keith]

I'M LOOSING MY MIND!!!

So yesterday in my class we were discussing "Song of songs", which is a biblical text (in case some of you didn't know), and basically it's about two people (lovers) worshipping eachother bodies. We were supposed to discuss only artistic values, but the topic of our conversation quickly transformed into a one strictly about love.

The teacher asked us about our experiences with love and what do we think about it in general. When my turn came around, I said that I've never felt romantic love and probably never will, but I find the feeling itself interesting. Her reaction was... not something I expected. She told me that I'm stupid and immature for believing that, because human were created to fall in love and it's something natural that happens to everyone. It made me unbelievably mad, but I decided to stay calm and explain aromanticism to her. However as soon as I started, she told me 'she's not going to listen to some fifteen years old, that's clearly not ripe and mentally unavailable'?? Like what?? She also told me, that there's no way I'll be able to become a psychologist, or even live past 20 with that mindset, and that I should give up on trying.

I'm so glad that she's not actually my teacher and that she was there only because my polish teacher was ill.

Also I'm so sorry for ranting randomly, but I needed to get it out. 

Edit: Thank you all for your support! Even if I don't reply to all of the comments, I assure you that it still means a lot to me, really. I also have to say, that the headmaster has replied to my mother's message and told her, that she'll talk to the teacher tomorrow/on Monday!

Edit 2: Sorry for not updating earlier, but I hadn't time to 💔 I do have good news though! The teacher didn't get fired, but she apologised to me and the headmaster sent her to some kind of a schooling! She won't be back for a while, 1 month I think.

Edited February 8, 2023 by Keith

[Guest]

37 minutes ago, Keith said:

However as soon as I started, she told me 'she's not going to listen to some fifteen years old, that's clearly not ripe and mentally unavailable'?? Like what?? She also told me, that there's no way I'll be able to become a psychologist, or even live past 20 with that mindset, and that I should give up on trying.

Honestly aphobia aside, what kind of teacher tells their students their ideas and perspectives are worthless and they should give up their dreams. Doesn’t even matter if she thinks an idea is wrong or not, teachers are supposed to build kids up and encourage them to think and discuss their thoughts in a safe environment not shoot them down and belittle them. She shouldn't be teaching.

Kudos to you for keeping your cool.

[Keith]

23 minutes ago, Decaying Vegetables said:

Honestly aphobia aside, what kind of teacher tells their students their ideas and perspectives are worthless and they should give up their dreams.

 

23 minutes ago, Decaying Vegetables said:

She shouldn't be teaching.

Right?? She should think about changing a job, as well as herself.

[Rinpochard]

Your teacher is probably narrow minded. We were taught about asexuality in health ed, and the worst response was from the other students.

1 hour ago, Keith said:

human were created to fall in love and it's something natural that happens to everyone.

No, it doesn't! I don't understand what about aromanticism is so hard to understand. No Karen, I don't feel that way, and many and I mean MANY people don't feel romantic love either. And yes, I agree with Decaying Vegetables that she shouldn't be teaching

[Atypique]

Did she just tell you to give up on life ? That apart, I quite understand when she says that we need to love to live and all... Because society says so. She doesn't know we exist. BUT then ??? As long as you tried to explain to her, and her only answer was "oh no we're doing a debate but I am not willing to hear you mindset please shut up" THEN, she's stupid. Not even mentioning the fact that a teacher should never say to someone that they can't be who they want to be, especially for such a reason and in such a situation.

[alto]

Yeah that's pretty awful.

[illumi]

you just successfully pissed me off and now im going to throw hands. this teacher better watch out bc im coming for her ass 

[Arden]

14 hours ago, Keith said:

She also told me, that there's no way I'll be able to become a psychologist, or even live past 20 with that mindset, and that I should give up on trying.

But that's so unrelated to aromanticism - psychology is not relative to romantic love whatsoever. If you're going to claim such ridiculous and dangerous claims, like telling someone they won't achieve their life goals, and telling them that they won't live past the age of 20 just because they don't experience romantic attraction, at least like back it up with some science or statistics. Show of hands if you guys know any aromantic people that haven't lived past the age of 20, and if you do, is it because they didn't experience romantic attraction??? Like make claims, but back them up at least, don't just shout dangerous shit around 😭

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Arden said:

telling them that they won't live past the age of 20 just because they don't experience romantic attraction

That's the other thing when I read that statement and the more I think about it the more disgusting it becomes. Insinuating death by 20 years old from lack of "love" is an absolutely horrifying notion to put on a kid. Some may hopefully not take it seriously but fuck forbid if there's a kid more susceptible to suggestion from authority figures or who to tends take things literally (like many autistic people sometimes do). That can seriously fuck someone up.

[Rinpochard]

1 hour ago, Arden said:

If you're going to claim such ridiculous and dangerous claims, like telling someone they won't achieve their life goals, and telling them that they won't live past the age of 20 just because they don't experience romantic attraction

That if something is allo manipulation

[Holmbo]

That's so over the line! You should report her for harassment. No matter her opinions she should not talk to you that way.

[nonmerci]

The teacher in me is horrified. It is aphobic but also irresponsible, and highly unprofessional. Can you report her? She basically told you that there is no place for you to speak in her class, told you you were not fully formed mentally (so insulted you), told you to give up your dreams and eveb told you that you will die before 20. And she did all that in front of the whole class which can be humilating.

Even if she is not your usual teacher I'm sure you can report her behaviour. This person should not be teaching.

I'm impressed you keep your calm. If a teacher had told me that she don't want to listen to me, then I would have said "OK, bye then" and leave the class, and then demand that she is not teaching to me (or to anyone) ever again (ok maybe I wouldn't have cause I would have been too shocked and too shy, but I would have thought about it).

Edited February 2, 2023 by nonmerci

[Keith]

1 hour ago, nonmerci said:

Can you report her?

I can. I've talked about my mother with it, and she told me she'll contact with the headmaster. I hope that it'll work.

[Ravensplat]

On 2/1/2023 at 6:13 PM, Keith said:

The teacher asked us about our experiences with love and what do we think about it in general. When my turn came around, I said that I've never felt romantic love and probably never will, but I find the feeling itself interesting. Her reaction was... not something I expected. She told me that I'm stupid and immature for believing that, because human were created to fall in love and it's something natural that happens to everyone. It made me unbelievably mad, but I decided to stay calm and explain aromanticism to her. However as soon as I started, she told me 'she's not going to listen to some fifteen years old, that's clearly not ripe and mentally unavailable'?? Like what?? She also told me, that there's no way I'll be able to become a psychologist, or even live past 20 with that mindset, and that I should give up on trying.

I'm so glad that she's not actually my teacher and that she was there only because my polish teacher was ill.

Also I'm so sorry for ranting randomly, but I needed to get it out. 

Ok so I am editing this to realise my response is also slightly rant like but I have attempted to give it structure so just keep that in mind. Good thing this was already a rant post hey!

Ok firstly I am so sorry for this happening but that end bit. I'm not sure if it's your wording or what the teacher said but if what you wrote is correct 'even live past 20 with that mindset, and that I should give up on trying.' she basically just told a student that because they didn't experience the world in the same way as her they should kill themselves. That's a massive safeguarding risk at minimum. If I had heard that I would be straight to a safeguarding teacher to report them because if a student was in a vulnerable position and was told to give up on their and that they might as well die now because they wouldn't make it past 20, that student very well may follow that advice. 

That teacher is a hazard to students health and should not only be fired but bared from teaching. She firstly belittles your experience and says your are unnatural ('humans were created to fall in love'), then dismissed your explanation because your not her age and are 'mentally unavailable', from looking that up it looks very similar to depression which makes her next comments even stupider. This teacher then tells you to give up on your dreams and that you will be dead in 5 years all because you don't want to have a romantic partner. I hope you can come down on this teacher like a ton of bricks for this because that is horrible. Music is all about interpretation and everyone has a different way of seeing things. This teacher seems to have ignored that part.

I don't know what country your in but if nothing happens to your teacher after the meeting with the  headmaster I would be happy to help you look at perhaps a strongly worded letter reminding them of local equality and child safety laws and their obligations in Safeguarding. Like in the UK Sexuality is a protected characteristic and Asexuality featured on the Census and so is counted by the government here and so saying humans have to love definitely would go against if nothing else the spirit of that law. And Safegaurding and child safety laws are also very strong so if they continued they could be tried in court as I understand it. 

To end on a good note though, 

I really hope you get into a course for psychology and become an amazing psychologist because you are amazing. You know who you are and are confident enough to stand up to teacher who said your existence was stupid and unnatural. You have then gone through proper channels to report her for her actions and avoided getting angry at this situation something I and i think many others would have struggled to do effectively. 

Edited February 3, 2023 by Ravensplat
Starting Disclaimer

[nonmerci]

17 hours ago, Keith said:

I can. I've talked about my mother with it, and she told me she'll contact with the headmaster. I hope that it'll work.

Let us know how it goes! Hope it will be fine for you.