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Allosexuality and Aromanticicm


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I found two articles, and I agree with them much. Most aromantic spaces are dominated mostly by AroAces, not by all aros. And often aromanticism is not seen as separate from asexuality, unfortunately. People almost always assume that you are asexual if you say you are aromantic, and never think of most aromantics as allosexuals, too.

https://aroworlds.com/2019/03/22/allosexual-aromantic-erasure-a-guide/

https://aroworlds.com/allo-aro/allo-aro-101/ 

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I'm aroace, not aroallo, but I agree. I think a lot people see aromanticism as a microlabel of asexuality, rather than it's own separate thing. I think part of the problem is that the asexual community, as a result of being more well known, controls a lot of the conversation around aromanticism, rather than the aromantic community.

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I guess this is because aromantic sexual feelings towards another person are from time to time experienced by allo-allos.

But still it's quite different if this exception is the rule.

OK, I actually don't identify as aro-allo. More like a mixture of aro + graysexual/aegosexual/akoisexual. Yes, I can experience sexual attraction but overall it's just too mercurial and weird to be classified as 100% normal allosexuality, IMHO. OTOH I also don't identify with the aro-ace experience. I mean sex is still of some (minor) importance in my life.

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The majority of the society is perioriented, so it's not a surprise that aromantic spaces are dominated by aroaces. However, it's possible that the reason is more simple than it, because the topic of aro orientation started in asexual spaces and how it was pointed out before, aces are overtalking us.

The only thing we can do to raise the visibility of alloaros and non-SAM aros (who are facing the inivisibility problem too) is talking and educating people.

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I believe one of the reasons for this is an intersection of sex negativity and arophobia. Sexual attraction is often considered inherently wrong, and can only be 'redeemed' through the presence of romantic attraction as well, so the idea of someone being aroallo makes people uncomfortable, so people discuss it less.

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fr fr. even though im aroace i still hope that soon enough more people will be educated on the difference between aromanticism and asexuality. of course the two does intertwine; given the still increasing population of the aroace community; but aroallo folks exists too. people should acknowledge them instead of assuming that theyre aroace just because the majority of people on here are aroace

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12 hours ago, sevan said:

the majority of people on here are aroace

in fact, in a poll on here about sexual orientation, 30% were ace and 36% were allo (hetero-, homo-, bi-, or pansexual), the rest identifying as ace-spec, queer, or questioning.  i'd be interested to know the distribution for all the aros in the world--i'd actually guess, if you count the people who don't even know they're aro, like they're not familiar with it, an even higher percentage would be allosexual.  you know, 'cause if you're aroace, you're probably more likely to figure that out, because you're more likely to hear of asexuality (which would likely lead you to aromanticism) and also because of the complete lack of attraction it would be harder to write it off as anything else, whereas for example a heterosexual aro might just think they were straight and look no further.  wouldn't you say?

i appreciate the allyship though.  (can i just say, @nonmerci, yours is the best i've ever seen.  i noticed a long time ago that you consistently show support for allo aros even when that's not the main point of the discussion.)  a high level of awareness and empathy concerning experiences you don't share is pretty rare.  i'm sure i lack that in many respects.

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Things have actually gotten a lot better in recent years. Used to be the entire concept of being allo aro was basically unheard of, at least people acknowledge our existence sometimes these days.

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1 hour ago, aro_elise said:

can i just say, @nonmerci, yours is the best i've ever seen.  i noticed a long time ago that you consistently show support for allo aros even when that's not the main point of the discussion.

Oh thanks you are making me blush. I just think aromantic people are all in this together you know, and we can't be a community if we push some of the people aside. So it is normal for me. Also as I myself see my aromanticism and my asexuality as different, I think it is easier for me to support the idea that aro and ace are different, even if it is not as necessary for me than it is for alloaros. And I like to understand people who are different than me, I think the world would be better if everybody could understand that different people have different needs.

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I'm AroAce and not allo aro, but I can't dissagre. I think that it's because most people can't imagine romantic relationships with no sexual attraction involved. They assume that sex is necessary. 

And since they think that sexual attraction always comes along with the romantic one, they're sure that it also always goes away with it. They can't separate them.

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6 hours ago, aro_elise said:

in fact, in a poll on here about sexual orientation, 30% were ace and 36% were allo (hetero-, homo-, bi-, or pansexual), the rest identifying as ace-spec, queer, or questioning.

neat. maybe its just because ive barely seen any aroallo folks anywhere but a lot of aros i know are also acespec so i think being aroace is slightly more likely than being aroallo. oh well. anything is possible. just because the two are intertwined doesnt mean its more likely to happen anyways

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