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Allosexual or just sex-favourable?


Whirl
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Hi! So, I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I enjoy doing sexual stuff with people (as long as there's no strings attached) and do enjoy and seek out sexually explicit stuff when I'm by myself. But, as I've come to realize, I almost never think about those things as motivated by attraction to a person, especially IRL. Sure, I have an image in my head of the type(s) of people I'm attracted to, but when it comes down to it I guess my type is "you've got a pulse and you're breathing". I mostly do it for the fun of it? If that makes sense.

Idk if anyone can relate, but I wanted to learn more about how sexuality is experienced by both allosexual and sex-favourable ace folk to kind of help myself figure this out. How did y'all figure out your identities? How can you tell the difference between being sex-favourable and being allosexual? What is it like being sex-favourable? What is it like being allosexual? What does sexual attraction feel like to you? Was it harder to figure out you were ace cause of being sex-favourable?

And if anyone just has any insights or stories they'd like to share I'd be more than happy to read them :D Any and all help is appreaciated!

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So I identify as grey-ace. There is a bit of controversy over "sex favorable aces" and how that is defined. Personally I'm more of the opinion that asexuality and sexual attracted is defined by an intrinsic desire for sexual activity, not necessarily being particularly attracted to specific persons. For me, a sex favorable ace would be one who enjoys participating in sexual activity when with an allosexual partner, but doesn't desire it for themselves and would be happy in a completely sexless relationship.

But you may feel and conclude differently than I, and others in this thread might disagree with me as well. And that's okay.

I ID as grey-ace because I do experience "sexual desire" in some degree. I think of myself as "lithsexual", meaning that I can be attracted to people and I can desire sexual relations in some sense, but I don't actually want it to come to fruition.

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Yeah I'm allosexual and I got specific bastards I'd love to fuck. Like, yeah, I like sex as an activity, but there's definitely people who I look at and I'm like ehhhhh pass vs. people who I look at them and I think like. HI ARE YOU INTO WOMEN PERCHANCE. I would also say that the majority of the allo aro community, at least, views sexual attraction as being dependent on specific targets rather than just the desire to have sex in general tbh

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ooh can't relate.  i'm ridiculously picky.  attraction or lack thereof completely overrides my sex favourability.  i'm continually shocked by how many people are apparently either attracted to a substantial percentage of people or willing to have sex with them even if they're not.  and of course i would never expect someone to be attracted to me, even though i think i'm very pretty, everyone has different tastes--rejection doesn't offend me whatsoever.  don't get me wrong, sexual attraction is frustrating...like, i love watching the partridge family except for the thorough regret that i can't go back in time and fuck david cassidy.  also i'll only enjoy porn if i'm attracted to both guys.

2 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

I would also say that the majority of the allo aro community, at least, views sexual attraction as being dependent on specific targets rather than just the desire to have sex in general tbh

yeah i definitely agree that sexual orientation is defined by attraction.  

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Sorry for not responding earlier, midterms have been kicking my butt these past few weeks.

On 10/4/2022 at 10:57 PM, sevan said:

unrelated but i have that song in my playlist. cheers

anyhow im sex indifferent and repulsed sometimes so i do not have any similar experiences but i hope youll figure it out eventually

Thanks! Also, it's a really good song, been stuck in my head all week

On 10/4/2022 at 10:51 PM, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Yeah I'm allosexual and I got specific bastards I'd love to fuck. Like, yeah, I like sex as an activity, but there's definitely people who I look at and I'm like ehhhhh pass vs. people who I look at them and I think like. HI ARE YOU INTO WOMEN PERCHANCE.

JAJAJA I've also got some specific bastards, but mainly celebs and fictional characters. With real, IRL people not so much.  

On 10/5/2022 at 2:20 AM, aro_elise said:

ooh can't relate.  i'm ridiculously picky.  attraction or lack thereof completely overrides my sex favourability.  i'm continually shocked by how many people are apparently either attracted to a substantial percentage of people or willing to have sex with them even if they're not. 

I often get told that I have low standards 😂 I like to say I find everyone attractive in their own way. But that was also the line of thinking I used to deny my aromanticism, so who knows!

On 10/4/2022 at 10:20 PM, Collie said:

There is a bit of controversy over "sex favorable aces" and how that is defined. Personally I'm more of the opinion that asexuality and sexual attracted is defined by an intrinsic desire for sexual activity, not necessarily being particularly attracted to specific persons. For me, a sex favorable ace would be one who enjoys participating in sexual activity when with an allosexual partner, but doesn't desire it for themselves and would be happy in a completely sexless relationship.

I wasn't aware there was controversy! Very interesting. I relate a lot to your definition of sexual attraction, but I also think I'd be perfectly happy with a completely sexless relationship/life. Don't know what that means for me jajaja

Thanks y'all! You've given me lots to think about :D

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I'm late but....

I ID as a sex-favourable ace. To me, that just means that I have a libido and I'm definitely not repulsed, but I've never really wanted to have sex with any specific person.

On 10/4/2022 at 11:20 PM, Collie said:

For me, a sex favorable ace would be one who enjoys participating in sexual activity when with an allosexual partner, but doesn't desire it for themselves and would be happy in a completely sexless relationship.

This also described me pretty well!

Good luck figuring things out :)

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13 hours ago, blueberrydragon said:

I'm late but....

I ID as a sex-favourable ace. To me, that just means that I have a libido and I'm definitely not repulsed, but I've never really wanted to have sex with any specific person.

Good luck figuring things out :)

Thank you!! 💕

I think I'm going to do some research into libido vs attraction and desire. My brain has those all jumbled up together (probably cause of allonormativity). Anyone know any good resources to start? 

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On 10/5/2022 at 3:56 AM, Whirl said:

What is it like being allosexual? What does sexual attraction feel like to you?

Alloaro here. It's pretty common for me to see a person - in real life, in pictures, in a TV show - and based on their physical appearance, want to have sex with them. Even if I don't know them, even if I know them but don't like them, I can still feel sexual attraction based on their physical appearance. 

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On 10/9/2022 at 9:20 PM, Whirl said:

Thank you!! 💕

I think I'm going to do some research into libido vs attraction and desire. My brain has those all jumbled up together (probably cause of allonormativity). Anyone know any good resources to start? 

The Ace Theist blog might have some entries on it, I remember that being a resource for me back in the day: https://theacetheist.wordpress.com/

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