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"Give it some time."


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Whenever I tell people (not necessarily IRL, but usually that's the case) about not wanting to date anyone, the most common response is something along the lines of "oh, you will soon, just give it some time". It's gotten to the point where someone who's younger than I am said that.

Is it supposed to be convincing? Consoling? If that's the case, it's not working. Usually all the person can say to back it up is that they felt that way a long time ago. I don't believe it'll happen to me.

I could live my entire life sincerely believing that I'll eventually get a crush on someone, I'm just the latest bloomer on Earth. Waiting for something that will, in all likelihood, never happen seems like a waste of time to me.

Does anyone else have any possible responses to someone who says something like that?

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Agh yeah, that's definitely one of those little things that's just really tiring to always deal with, I've run into the same thing. I think they're usually trying to either be consoling or offer 'life wisdom' or some such, the former since usually allos would say that kind of thing and be sad/concerned about it. I've kinda just taken to saying something like 'Possibly yeah, but I'm not too concerned about it' even though I don't really think it will happen at all. It's semi-agreeable without faking discontent about it. I imagine how well it goes over would depend somewhat on your age, but if you're on the younger side you'll probably get either slightly nonplussed as a reaction or like a kinda, 'oh good, it's good to not sweat it too much and focus on school/career at first, let it come naturally' situation if the person has a more mature idea about romantic relationships (but still def assumes you will want one/have one Eventually). Otherwise I'm not sure, it's something I'm still figuring out how to deal with more broadly (the romo small talk that most people consider friendly/polite that I don't want to engage in), but mostly I've just shrugged off or awkwardly nodded along to it or avoided it via being anti-social. 😅 I wish you luck with figuring out as well!

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Yeah I gave up on people who say stuff like that, especially when they keep saying it after I told them I don’t feel attraction. My go-to response is an ‘allright, so…’ to change the subject. This works especially well in the dialect I speak 😎

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That ver y common sadly. I think a lot of people interpret "I don't wanna date" as "I don't find anyone to date me" or "I've got crushes but nothing that has developed into love yet so I give up" because they might have felt this way at some point, and they are unable to imagine that you truly mean what you mean when you say that you don't get crushes and are happy this way. So yeah they are trying to be consoling and encouraging, but they are just dismissive and projects their desire on others.

Something that can help is too ask them if they would say that to a straight or gay person : "you are bi, just give it some time and you'll realize it". And insist a bit so they will know how it feels and how stupid it is.

Because otherwise, the annoying thing about our orientation is that people tell you you are too young until the way they tell you you are too old.

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im not old or anything but the thing that most people don't know is, i have given it time. so much time, that i consistently question how much time is needed to give for romance/sexual attraction to happen

i get it a lot from adults and older figures (including those i look up to), which kinda makes me think like how do they know? how would they understand that i literally go insane most days because i think to myself "what if one day i fall in love? just gotta wait for it" and i've been waiting 15 years and im noticing people that r like 10 years old having crushes n stuff

like, when i was 10 i was thinking about minions and roleplaying, not how to find a bf

mannn you gotta love being a highschool student /s

but then again, highschool is great for many things other than romance :)

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It's just stupid tbh. Why it isn't ever the other way around? When people are in love/have a crush/are in a relationship nobody is sitting there, saying "oh, you'll change your mind with time and don't wanna be with them anymore" or "you'll learn how pointless romantic relationships are" (and no, I do not want to encourage these kind of sayings, either). Because this society and the people within it are following the good ol' narrative of amatonormativity (and allonormativity too) and I'm so done with it. Yes, aromantics may be a minority but still these assumptions are harmful/can be harmful. Really, no one needs expectations. Just let people do and feel what they want as long as no harm is done to others and keep your "wisdom" to yourself. Just because a good chunk of people is doing X it doesn't mean X is right for everyone, automatically.

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