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How do people outside the binary define attraction?


How do you call your attraction (explanation in beginning of the first post)  

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When I say „outside the binary“ I mean anyone who is not a man or a woman; non-binary persons as well as those Inter* persons, who are not man or woman as well as agender people or other genderless persons or like in generell everyone who is not inside the gender binary but doesn‘t use the term non-binary


by attraction I mean any kind of attraction you would consider worth to „label“ or to think about. Doesn‘t matter if it’s romantic, sexual, aesthetic, sensual etc


bc I know that there are eg non-binary persons who say, all attraction is gay, and some who say, their attraction is all hetero. So I’m just curious about you

I am aroace, but I sometimes have a strong sensual attraction (which means that I also want to get somehow intimate with some people (more like kissing, hugging..,), just in a way that isn’t sexual for me) that for me is worth labelling it, bc saying “asexual aromantic” for me personally doesn’t feel like the whole truth (the ace part doesn’t). So I’d say I’m aromantic and oriented ace, but since I’m an Enby I found it hard to come to terms with this oriented parts. Should be easy, bc I feel attractions to all (or at least more than one or two (non)genders…), even if I realise that I have a preference, but bi and pan or any other m spec label doesn’t feel good for me, they somehow feel very wrong even if I think I could use them

And than I have the thing that being attracted towards women feels like same sex attraction but at the same time this is something that mistender me so I can’t think about it like this (but it still is queer attraction tho) and sometimes I feel very hetero when I’m attracted to girls lol and in cases I am attracted to men it sometimes feels very gay and sometimes it doesn’t at all. And in cases my attractions leads towards non-binary people or someone outside the gender binary I don’t really know

so I for myself just came to the term “queer oriented” bc all this attraction is kinda queer but not in a way I could label it


I am curious about you, if you wanna share


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This confuses me a bit.  Couldn't you ask what gender(s) we are attracted to?  Or whether we consider ourselves oriented, if so are we gay straight or bi?

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I base it on how society would treat you if they saw you in a relationship. If you are perceived as a man and you're with someone who's also perceived as a man, OR if you are perceived as a woman and you're with someone who's also perceived as a woman, that's a gay relationship. Otherwise it's straight. I call myself gay because I'm FTM and interested in intimate relationships with men. I identify as bigender, but when I'm further along in my transition I'll definitely be perceived as male, so I define myself as such.

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I'm aro-ace but I consider myself to be Achillean leaning bc men are awesome to look at and appreciate from a distance

tbh I haven't figured most of it out yet but as a genderqueer/maverique/prefer not to label person, I only recently got into the angled aroace thing

i feel like im more platonically into women then men irl, but maybe that's a result of being afab and a few... iffy experiences with men

i know for a fact that for awhile i confused platonic and visual attraction with romantic attraction, so that doesn't help much


i really don't want to be perceived as anything other than the clumped gender shit ive got going on, so i want to be seen as nb or at least not fully a man nor a woman. i feel like if i had a friendship/qpr with someone i'd 100% just call it a queer relationship bc it's easier

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FYI (Im amab cis agender)

I experience aesthetic attraction towards woman more than men. 

My physical attraction is far lower than my aesthetic attraction.

I experience physical attraction towards woman more than men. 

Feminine looking men / androgynous / femboy / tomboys can also cause aesthetic attraction. I feel less inclined to cuddle with masculine guys but I wonder if thats societal conditioning?

I also experience a lot of intellectual / emotional attraction towards all genders and lack thereof.

I think these last two go without saying, lots of people experience them and don’t bother naming them as an attraction. 

I want to label them because they are the most important attractions to me.



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