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Parents not fully supportive of me living with friend (vent)


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  Just need to vent.

Recently, one of my best friends, who is the only a-spec person I know IRL, and I officially decided to live together. We're not necessarily going to have a partnership, but we are planning to live with each other long-term and plan certain aspects of our lives together.

I'm not out to my parents, and they're not the most queer-friendly people, but I told them a couple months ago that this was my plan. They didn't outright say anything negative about it, but they keep talking about my future as if she's not going to be a part of it. Finally I told them that I'm serious about this plan and that because we both want the same things out of life (e.g., not getting married/having romantic partner and wanting to live with friends, among other things), that this is going to be long-term. That I'm planning on "settling down" with her. But still, they talk as if it's temporary. "How will you split up your furniture when you move out after a year or two? Why not just get an apartment for yourself and she can live in her own apartment somewhere close to you?" And other things about our relationship not being "permanent enough" (which no relationship is 100% guaranteed to be permanent anyway) and automatic assumptions that this is just a temporary thing until we each find romantic partners/spouses.

My friend and I have been close friends for many years, so I'm very excited that this is finally working out for us. I want to be able to talk to my parents about my plans and be excited about apartment hunting and all that, but I'm frustrated with their attitude. It feels pretty invalidating and not fully supportive. I'll have to keep drilling it into their heads that this isn't some phase or transient "stepping stone" until I get married 😩 Amatonormativity once again being a thorn in my side

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This sounds like such an awesome set up! I'm a bit jealous. Cohabitation is one of the main things I want as a relationship. So when your parents don't understand at least you know there are other aros absolutely getting it.

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19 hours ago, Erederyn said:

Why not just get an apartment for yourself and she can live in her own apartment somewhere close to you?

Oh god.

Like, this is something I have wondered about, but at least I know I could bring my parents around to the idea of saving money/having two incomes for one place even if they didn't accept the relationship.

Also the whole how will you split up the furniture thing seems really wierd, like. it isn't that hard to split dozens of items roughly equally between two people, or maybe they expect you to saw a sofa in half. Sounds really like a sort of 'we dont like this, better try to find a reason'.

Hope things get better for you, and good luck. Cohabiting with a good friend sounds really cool and you deserve to be excited about it.

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19 hours ago, Holmbo said:

This sounds like such an awesome set up! I'm a bit jealous. Cohabitation is one of the main things I want as a relationship. So when your parents don't understand at least you know there are other aros absolutely getting it.

For sure, I do feel supported by fellow aros and other friends as well! And I hope you also manage to find what you're looking for. A year ago this seemed impossible for me, but things ended up working out. So you never know!

18 hours ago, roboticanary said:

Also the whole how will you split up the furniture thing seems really wierd, like. it isn't that hard to split dozens of items roughly equally between two people, or maybe they expect you to saw a sofa in half. Sounds really like a sort of 'we dont like this, better try to find a reason'.

Hope things get better for you, and good luck. Cohabiting with a good friend sounds really cool and you deserve to be excited about it.

Yeah, I find the comments odd, and it's more annoying because they didn't question my younger brother this way when he married and moved in with his girlfriend of 8 months (at the time) 🤔.

And thank you, I'm very much looking forward it and trying not to let my parents hamper that, although I'd like their full support. It might just take time for them to come around.

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