deep_inlove Posted May 24, 2022 Share Posted May 24, 2022 finding out I'm aromantic and romance repulsed has changed the way I view my future, I haven't settled on a career and I'm having a really hard time finding something that interests me enough to study it at university, everyone around me is starting to explore relationships (romantic and sexual) and I can't help but wonder, how am I gonna deal with the fact that my friends will settle down with their partners and I will eventually be left behind? not because they are bad friends, but because of course they'll eventually become closer to their partners and inevitably spend more time with them, live with them, get married, etc. I don't wanna be alone but as their friend I can only support them from the sides. if I can't find a career (at least not yet) and if I can't have a romantic or even a queer platonic relationship, what's left for me? I don't really have many interests so it's hard for me to find a hobby and I don't know I am just having a hard time figuring out what's going to happen in the future, ofc I am still young and have a lot of time to find out but it is something that bothers me often sorry for the rant and if anyone has experienced this, or something like it I would love to hear your experience and how you dealt with it 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AviaWilliam Posted May 24, 2022 Share Posted May 24, 2022 48 minutes ago, deep_inlove said: I don't really have many interests so it's hard for me to find a hobby and I don't know I am just having a hard time figuring out what's going to happen in the future, ofc I am still young and have a lot of time to find out but it is something that bothers me often Get out! do some volunteering, you may find something you would like doing. 49 minutes ago, deep_inlove said: how am I gonna deal with the fact that my friends will settle down with their partners and I will eventually be left behind? not because they are bad friends, but because of course they'll eventually become closer to their partners and inevitably spend more time with them, live with them, get married, etc. I don't wanna be alone but as their friend I can only support them from the sides. My friends have been getting into some very serious romantic relationships, I have to support them too. I'm happy that they are happy, but I get what you mean about you getting left behind. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alto Posted May 24, 2022 Share Posted May 24, 2022 I don't worry about getting left behind by friends so much, but I can't really articulate why. I do have a very strong passion for writing and music, so to a degree I get swallowed up in those and don't worry about anything else so much. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merlindfluorite Posted May 26, 2022 Share Posted May 26, 2022 Sounds like you're feeling pretty overwhelmed with a few different things. So maybe it'll help to break it down a bit and look at each piece of the puzzle separately. Yes, allos do generally end up in relationships, & sometimes it can leave you feeling like a 3rd wheel. However, I can say that when you build connections with people, that doesn't disappear when they get married. Some of the closest people to me are married, & I celebrate their marriage more than they do sometimes, because what makes them happy makes me happy & vice versa. It also sounds like you're worried a bit about losing school friends. Let me just say this. None of us are who we are today forever. I am so far away from my 15yr old self, my 20yr old self, my 30yr old self. My priorities & wants in life have changed, just as they did for all my friends over the years. Yes you may drift away from some people but I promise you you will find new people, as long as you keep going. Careers, hobbies, interests. University. Let me tell you about university. I grew up in the UK. I was expected to choose my career, because of the way options worked for gcses & a levels, pretty much by the time I was 14. This was absolute insanity. I didn't find a real career that I loved & wanted to study & pursue until my late 20s. After a bunch of different jobs & living in a few different cities. The pressure can be intense. But again, I promise you that you can take a minute to breathe & figure out your next steps. You can choose what's easy for now. What's vaguely interesting. You can change your mind later. You don't have to go to uni now & take those student loans either, because they'll still be waiting for you if you decide you want a degree. & I'll say this - it's easier to go through uni when you've had a chance to decide you actually like something. I hope this helps in some way, & sorry for the rant. I just really take a lot of issue with the education system I was dragged through. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holmbo Posted May 26, 2022 Share Posted May 26, 2022 (edited) Regarding the choice of study, a good start is to learn more and explore more i general. The more you try out and learn the more options you will know of. Also you don't need to know your exact career. If you're unsure you can always pick something broad to study You don't need to be super interested in it. Most things are more interesting once you learn a lot about it. The same is true for hobbies. Especially if you can find others to do it with. Edited May 26, 2022 by Holmbo 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrowpraxis Posted May 26, 2022 Share Posted May 26, 2022 You mention being "left behind" but by what? This sounds like a great time to explore yourself and what you like. Take some classes, volunteer, join a book club, do some reading, sign up for a race or something! This is something that a lot of allo people will realize they missed out on later after the relationships and all that. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gray Warlock Posted July 31, 2022 Share Posted July 31, 2022 I've been traveling that road my whole life. It's led me to a wholesale rejection of the notion that one must meet a certain set of expectations to be valued and have a meaningful life. What I did was examine the notion of "accomplishment" in the conventional sense (degree, career, family, etc) and ask who benefits from people believing in these things. I'm not convinced that the American Pie life we've been sold is all that rewarding for most who live it. All I've been able to see in it is an endless cycle of work. Work for your degree, work for your company, work for your family, work, work, work, and worry, worry, worry. Until you retire, get ready to die and hope there is a heaven. And who benefits from all this? An elite class of incestuous oligarchs who've been given everything in life! And what's it all for? Economy? Shuffling imaginary value from one account to another? Is this really what people base their lives on? I fail to understand how that's supposed to make life meaningful. To me the image below, from the film "They Live!" says it all. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holmbo Posted August 2, 2022 Share Posted August 2, 2022 You make a great point @The Gray Warlock 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.