deep_inlove

oh because we see each other at least twice a year for several days

oh my god your situation is almost the same as mine, I'm also a hopeless romantic and I'm sorry that you're going through this difficult situation, I don't necessarily think that's what attraction feels like, it does sound more like repulsion to me, but it's really hard to figure out what to do, because at least in my case, despite that (or because) I do have feelings for this friend, repulsion is somewhat unavoidable and I've just had to figure out what actions/words make me more repulsed and how to avoid them, ofc communication is very important but it can be hard to talk about it with people that don't exactly understand what you feel. so my point is that figuring out what exactly makes you feel repulsed even if it's and uncomfortable experience

I wish it was that easy but we live 1000km away from each and we don't even speak all that much

it's so weird because I thought my repulsion came from others people romantic feelings towards me, but I think I do experience a little bit of romantic attraction and it makes me sick because this person doesn't like me that way anymore but since I still have feelings, I kinda feel repulsed doing things with this person that I normally do with my other friends like hold hands and hug and I hate feeling like this because they're such a good friend and I don't wanna ruin what we have but I really can't help it. help has anyone felt like this towards their own feelings? like you wanna do it so bad but it also makes you sick

finding out I'm aromantic and romance repulsed has changed the way I view my future, I haven't settled on a career and I'm having a really hard time finding something that interests me enough to study it at university, everyone around me is starting to explore relationships (romantic and sexual) and I can't help but wonder, how am I gonna deal with the fact that my friends will settle down with their partners and I will eventually be left behind? not because they are bad friends, but because of course they'll eventually become closer to their partners and inevitably spend more time with them, live with them, get married, etc. I don't wanna be alone but as their friend I can only support them from the sides. if I can't find a career (at least not yet) and if I can't have a romantic or even a queer platonic relationship, what's left for me? I don't really have many interests so it's hard for me to find a hobby and I don't know I am just having a hard time figuring out what's going to happen in the future, ofc I am still young and have a lot of time to find out but it is something that bothers me often sorry for the rant and if anyone has experienced this, or something like it I would love to hear your experience and how you dealt with it

for me it's when i'm involved in romantic activities, i get completely repulsed if something romantic is expected of me, for example, i haven't kissed that many people but the ones i have, there was no room for interpretation of it being romantic so i was fine, and still then i was very lowkey repulsed, i can imagine that i wouldn't be able to kiss someone who was romantically interested in me. i have no problem listening to love songs or watching romantic movies, i actually really really like to watch and read love stories, unless i'm feeling anxious, then anything that has romance makes me feel repulsed automatically.

so this is pretty complicated, i think accepting the way you are it's a matter of time, it really is okay to wish you were allo because of how deeply rooted amatonormativity is in our society and brains, but you'll also have to accept eventually that this is who you are and wanting things to be different it's not gonna change that, it doesn't matter how much time this takes you since it's easier said than done. i think knowing that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you, and having people relate to what you're feeling can help, even if it's hard to grasp at first. i totally get what you're feeling because i feel the same, so know that you're not alone in this. about coming out as aro, personally, i wouldn't recommend it, even less if you're having a hard time accepting your identity, because having someone question it or not accepting it can make it harder process yk? ofc i understand the need to let someone know what you're feeling but sometimes it's better to not really explain things like that to someone that won't get it, it's just exhausting, still, it's your decision, if u still decide to do it i wish you all the luck and that you find someone that understands how you feel and that accepts you just as you are, just remember that you don't owe anyone explanations of what you feel and that no one has the right to minimize this feelings. :)

definitely, i'm still pretty young and i bless the internet for making sense of what i was experiencing, but i think that finding out sooner would have avoided a lot of talks with myself trying to find out why the idea of taking part in romantic activities and relationships was so physically sickening, and maybe i could have avoided forcing myself to take part in things that i wasn't completely comfortable in just because that was expected from me, because everyone around talked about how being in a relationship felt so amazing and i just couldn't understand why i couldn't feel like that.

i understand how you feel, i find myself more often than not looking at other couples and thinking that maybe i would be happier if i was in a romantic relationship, i just recently discovered what it means to be aromantic for, me at least, and i'm still having a hard time being okay with it and dealing with my internalized arophobia because all my life, i thought that i was going to meet the love of my life and get married and just be happy, and then suddenly finding out than i can't have that because i'm aromantic and romance repulsed was devastating. i think that it's normal to have those thoughts form time to time because of how deeply rooted amatonormativity is, but at the end of the day that's who we are, but i don't think friendships have to be "casual", my best friend and i have a relationship that is in no way even near to romantic, but i still think of her as one of the most important people in my life and the one that is absolutely always there for me no matter what, she's my number one and i wouldn't trade what i have with her for anything, so i don't think that for a relationship to be deep and meaningful it has to be romantic.

i don't actually feel repulsed by romance in media or music, i actually quite enjoy it, and seeing other people doesn't bother me, the problem begins when i'm the one involved in a situation that could be considered romantic, that's when i get physically sick, but like really bad, being in my first and only relationship was nauseating, even if i loved them, and i was only able to give my first kiss because i knew the other person didn't had feelings for me