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Anyone else feel differently about romance depending on the mood or context?


dewy
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A lot of aros describe themselves as romance repulsed, neutral, or favorable but honestly I feel like I can't categorize myself that way because I fit all of those in a way. The closest would probably be romance indifferent/neutral but that doesn't quite fit because I can also be repulsed or favorable sometimes. But honestly I'm not too worried about labeling myself, I just wanted to see if anyone else had that experience.

For example, if I hear someone talk about their romantic relationship or attraction I may feel repulsed -  I even had a period where I just felt more romance repulsed than normal for no reason. But if I think of the possibility of me being in a romantic relationship, I'll probably be meh on it, maybe a bit curious or even favorable. Then, when it comes to romance in fiction, I'm definitely favorable of it, I've always really enjoyed it.

So does anyone else have this sort of experience? If so, what's it like for you?

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I always saw those attitudes as a sort of general shorthand for how I am likely to feel. I am usually indifferent but lets face it, there will be some expressions of romance which will repulse me. Hell, there are some expressions of romance that repulse a lot of allos. So I would describe myself as indifferent to romance but there is always going to be some wiggle room in that definition.

Its certainly common amongst aros to feel differently about romance in fiction compared to in reality.

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I agree with @roboticanary, I say I am 'Generally Romance Neutral' because it is a general guideline.

Though I do like most Romance in fiction I won't say I'm favourable because I don't care that much in real life. I also don't say I am repulsed because my list of 'repulsions' is so small, and they aren't something that you come across every day. 

Context is all important though, whether something feels romantic-coded or not (for me at least) depends almost entirely on the intentions the other person has behind their actions.

 

This was actually the topic for the December Carnival of Aros, though the round-up hasn't been posted yet. Keep your eye out for the round-up and you should have plenty of interesting stuff to read on the subject 

https://aro-but-not-ace.tumblr.com/post/672157290869276672/i-may-push-this-back-a-day-i-wrote-this-early

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That's one of the reason I don't use this vocabulary for myself. I don't care in fiction, eventually I can enjoy it, I don't care for people in real life though I can have a feeling of exclusion (cause I can't relate), I don't mind people crushes on me in theory but I would probably be uncomfortable in real life, same for being in a romantic relationship... That's just too messy for categories.

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On 1/1/2022 at 6:33 AM, crow said:

Then, when it comes to romance in fiction, I'm definitely favorable of it, I've always really enjoyed it.

Well, in fiction, you often have the choice…

Even now I am stubborn and believe that Xena and Gabrielle are friends ? (no “just” inserted from me!) and no romo stuff is going on.

Quote

Anyone else feel differently about romance depending on the mood or context?

Sorry to be so blunt: but isn’t it always the case that if you’re in a good mood you more easily deal with a lot of crap?

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Oh absolutely, and I think this is pretty natural.

For me, on the occasion that I do describe myself with one of these labels, it's pretty invariably repulsed, but there's a lot more nuance to it than just "Yikes! Romance!" I'm always repulsed when it comes to romance and romantic intentions involving and/or directed at me, but when it comes to other people engaging in romance I'm generally pretty indifferent and sometimes favorable (though there can be and is a certain level of discomfort with certain expressions of it--which is something that isn't by any means a uniquely aro or even romance-repulsed aro experience--and a vague sense of discomfort with many of my culture's romantic norms), and when it comes to fiction it varies WILDLY depending on how it's executed and whether I was hardcore relating to a character only for their entire story and personality be absorbed by the dreaded obligatory romantic subplot -_- But in general when it comes to fiction I am more often than not mildly repulsed and a romance has to be either off to the side and not terribly relevant or really well executed to swing me to indifference or favor. Most of the time I just sit there like "...Can we please move on already?" or "Rest in peace well written friendship... you were nice while you lasted."

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When I imagine myself engaging in romance, I feel not badly repulsed, but enough to make me uncomfortable. When someone else talks about it, I can handle it. I've also been to a wedding without any problems. In fiction, I can usually handle it, though a lot of the time I'm still annoyed by it being there.

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