Can I be aro and be in a romantic relationship?

[Guest Arsenic]

I've been struggling with my identity for a few time. I know I am on the aro spectrum but I don't know if I am demiromantic or aromantic, because I don't understand whether my feelings for my partner are romantic. I've been knowing her for six years and she is a very important part of my life, but maybe I wouldn't define our relationship as romantic, not at all. Having a QPR with her would be perfect... I don't know. I am kinda lost.

Btw, English is not my first language so I apologice if something here doesn't make sense.

[Mell]

That is so valid and thank you for sharing! It is cool that you are taking the time to question your feelings and what you want. I have never been in this situation before but I would say that communication is key. Maybe sit with your feelings for awhile until you're more sure about what you want and talk to her about it? Wishing you luck

[Holmbo]

Yes you can be in any kind of relationship you want regardless of your romantic orientation. If you like the relationship you're currently having I'd say just keep going. But if you'd like for something to be different talk to your partner about it.

[DeltaAro]

Of course… the more interesting question would be if you can be aro and like to be in a romantic relationship.

Edited December 3, 2021 by DeltaV

[Holmbo]

18 hours ago, DeltaV said:

Of course… the more interesting question would be if you can be aro and like to be in a romantic relationship.

The answer there is also yes. There are aros who enjoy romantic activities and commitment even if they don't feel romantic attraction.

[DeltaAro]

5 hours ago, Holmbo said:

The answer there is also yes. There are aros who enjoy romantic activities and commitment even if they don't feel romantic attraction.

Well, well, you should’ve read the post before the edit (which was a bit too melodramatic, so…).

I think that this mysterious “romantic attraction” is too difficult to understand and too “opaque”.

In the end, we all have our own ideas what “aromantic” means (and there is hopefully some overlap). But it’s a vague and slippery term so all those “can I be aro and … ?” questions are kind of tantalizing, hehe. We should not pretend there are clear cut answers. OTOH, as long as “aromantic” has any meaning (as I believe) it’s sadly going to be exclusive.

Edited December 3, 2021 by DeltaV

[alto]

I would say yes, you can be aromantic and in a romantic relationship.

[roboticanary]

Yeah, as everyone else has said. You can.

The way i have explained it, which is terrible but amuses me, is that I go to work.

It doesn't mean I like work, it doesn't mean I have a desire to work. It doesn't mean I want to do that job. but I do have reasons to go to work so I do.

Similarly there are many reasons to be in a relationship which is seen as romantic and some of those reasons have nothing to do with romance.

[dewy]

Absolutely. Arospec people can have a variety of different experiences, and even people who use the exact same label will likely have different experiences.