squishes

[aro_elise]

a poll for those of us who experience squishes.

my answers and clarifications:

1: 20-99.  hard to say where in that range--depends where you draw the line between a squish and just thinking they're cool or whatever.  however you define it for yourself, that works.

2. over a year.  way over.  we had dance classes together for several years and i had a squish on her the whole time.  some other squishes would fade over time even when i continued to see them.  again, draw the line wherever you will of when it begins and ends (since it's probably not abrupt).

3.  no.  here's the important clarification i couldn't put succinctly in the question: happening to experience a different, unrelated type of attraction at the same time as platonic attraction is irrelevant.  my sexual attraction (where gender is obviously a factor) is unrelated to anything else--i may experience it toward a guy on whom i also have a squish, but the platonic part is the same as ever.  i can have purely platonic squishes on any gender.  i'd be interested to hear your elaborations on your own answers to this one.

[arofox]

1: 5-19. Sometimes its hard for me to decide if it's platonic or aesthetic attraction. I try to picture the person with different hair or something to see if I'd still be attracted to figure it out. Sometimes it's still hard to decide though

2: over a year. We had a lot of classes together for like 4 years? It's interesting since this squish doesn't ever really disappears, it just get's stronger the more I think about it and fades as soon as I don't

3. Yes. Its just guys somehow. Thats why it took me so long realising that I'm in fact lgbtq+

[nisse]

1. 5-19. This was a hard one though, as I didn't know about "squish" for a long time and assumed it's just how people experience a precursor to friendship. I'm kinda wondering if 0-4 would be more accurate, oops. it's also been so long since i last had a squish, for uuuh several reasons, i've kind of forgotten how it feels?? weird.
2. 1-4 weeks. Again, hard to determine, but in my experience my squishes have faded as soon as we are friends, or if we never hang out regularly (not hang out as in, we plan and meet up on purpose. Being at the same party, e.g., and talking while there also counts). The squish fading when we are friends doesn't mean I don't want to be their friend anymore, btw. it's just that initial "aaah they're so cool i wanna hang out with them always!!" intense feeling fades, and i settle into a more comfortable "we're friends :) that's so nice" state.
3. Squishes on different genders feel different. BUT, this has less to do with attraction, and more to do with society. I'm afab, and very much still gets read as a woman in my day-to-day, and have for a long time had a hard time making friends with men - not because of anything the men i get squishes on do, or how they act, but just because of a good mix of amatonormativity and heteronormativity I've a crippling fear that any affection I show will be interpreted as flirting. This hasn't happened yet (i hope - no one has told me they thought i flirted with them, anyway), but the fear is there. Because of that the squishes feel different.
   That said though, there is an element of attraction/orientation in there as well. My squishes are often heavily informed by sensual and aesthetic attraction, and I've definitely experienced some kind of weak sexual or romantic attraction (just never enough to bother with any other ID than aro). What attracts me in women vs men vs nb, masc vs fem vs GNC, all that good fun stuff, is definitely different and not equal across the line.

that was a too long answer i feel, haha. i mostly tried to parse through my own thoughts here, as i haven't really thought much about this before! 

[Thiel]

1. About how many squishes have you experienced in your life?

5-19. This one was difficult because I wasn't sure where the line between friendship and squish is.

2. About how long did your longest squish last?

More than a year. It was actually several years. We even celebrated a fake wedding.

3. Is gender a factor in how/whether you experience squishes?

Yes, squishes on different genders feel different. I'm heterosexual, so squishes on men have a sexual factor too. Also, I think that my squishes on women are stronger and I feel closer to them.

 

Edited October 19, 2021 by Thiel

[aro_elise]

i was trying to find a way to ask about aesthetic attraction too.  for me it can be a contributing factor in squishes, but as i say, they can certainly be just platonic.  and my aesthetic attraction can also be toward any gender, so you know, whatever.  

14 hours ago, arofox said:

Sometimes its hard for me to decide if it's platonic or aesthetic attraction.

yes, sometimes it's just aesthetic; i don't count that as a squish.  it doesn't give me the feelings, so for me it's not hard to tell that's all it is.

11 hours ago, nisse said:

it's also been so long since i last had a squish, for uuuh several reasons, i've kind of forgotten how it feels?? weird.

actually same, i guess my last one was this guy at university a couple years ago.  no reason, just haven't happened to have one recently.

11 hours ago, nisse said:

it's just that initial "aaah they're so cool i wanna hang out with them always!!" intense feeling fades, and i settle into a more comfortable "we're friends :) that's so nice" state.

exactly, yeah, like my feelings for my best friend are stronger than for anyone else, but it's comfortable, platonic love, not a platonic crush or however you define a squish.  (never was, actually, we were basically friends from the first time we met.  actually most of my squishes never became friendships, at least not close/long ones, and i'm fine with that.)

10 hours ago, Thiel said:

I'm heterosexual, so squishes on men have a sexual factor too.

always?  and it's not separate?  interesting.  does one type of attraction necessarily precede the other?

oh i have another question for everyone!  how old were you when you had your first squish?  (even though you probably didn't know to call it that until much later)  i had them almost as early as i can remember, like 4 or 6, idk.  more of them back then too, i think.

[nonmerci]

I think I have only one squish, which was in the grey area. It was out of sight out of mind, except maybe in the begining but because it was my questioning phase, so I thought about it a lot to know if it was a crush or a squish.

I don't remember how long it lasted. Two weeks, maybe a bit more. Then the intensity vanished.

I can't say if gender is factor,  considering it was only one.

[Thiel]

@aro_elise Most of my squishes on guys were platonic first and then sexual, but in some of them it happened almost at the same time.

My first squish was a childhood friend but I don't remember exactly at what age it went from friendship to squish... Probably around 10.

[Just a Bear]

I've had a handful of squishes, they lasted somewhere between a week and a few months, I've had squishes for both genders and it's just as strong either way. But, I have had more female squishes than male squishes. 

[SquishyWing]

1. I’ve had between 1-3 squishes every year for the last 6 years or so, and I probably fall somewhere between 5 and 19 total.

2. Over a year, and it’s my current squish, so I feel like that carries some meaning. Most would fade either after a few days or at the end of the school year when I would no longer see them frequently. However, this one has grown, despite the usual setbacks (if setbacks is the right word. Hopefully you know what I mean)

3. I would say that gender usually factors into who I squish. I have only ever squished females, and I think that the way they look has played just as much of a role as the actually important factors such as personality, interests, etc.