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Aros in relationships: Do you tell your partners that you love them?


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Guest NewBbArrow

Before I realized that I was on the aromantic spectrum, telling partners that I loved them always felt...icky/forced/wrong? Honestly I'm weird about saying it to anyone but my parents, or I'll say it in like an ironic way when one of my friends (who know I'm aro) does something special for me. Now, I find fwb relationships much more appealing so I don't have an issue with this anymore, but I was curious if anyone was comfortable saying it under certain circumstances?

I've always emotionally felt the same way about my partners as I do my closest friends/family, so I could see if that feeling was stressed and mutually understood, MAYBE someone would be fine saying it? I guess it's really only an issue if you date outside of the aromantic community since romantic love and acts of affection are stressed so much in allo relationships and telling someone you "love" them when they know it's not the same way they love you could cause just as many issues as never being able to say it at all. 

I guess then another question I have is for aros who have dated or are dating other arospec people: is it more ideal? I have no experience dating other aros. I'd imagine there'd be a better understanding between each involved party, but there are so many ways to be aro and everyone interprets intimate actions usually performed in relationships (kissing, cuddling, etc) on different ends of the romantic/aesthetic/sensual attraction scales and with varying degrees of repulsion/uncomfortableness. 

But yeah I was just curious what others' experiences are since I don't really know any other aros, let alone ones in a relationship. Thanks for any answers! I hope you all have a wonderful day/night! 

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Well, I am in a QPR. Me and my partner often tell eachother "I love you". I also say "I love you" a lot to my friends. I really like saying it because I'm sure these people know I mean it in a platonic/alterous way.

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I tell my boyfriend I love him, because I legitimately do. I don't say it to my friends though as I'm aplatonic and I don't love my friends that way.  

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A friend has recently told me she loves me, and it is very awkward for me because I don't think I love her back.  I mean, i'm willing to support her and be her friend and everything, but...love?

On the other hand, I have a male friend that I would totally say "I love you" to if I felt it was appropriate.  But I don't feel it is.

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I say ‘I love you’ to my partner and my friends, but that’s just me. If it makes you uncomfortable, then you don’t have to do it! There are other ways to express love other than verbally

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Guest MajPet

Sidenote:

I read on reddit about a relationship where a partner didn't find it natural to say "I love you", so they devised a system to use when they were holding hands: 3 squeezes meant "I love you", answering it with 2 squeezes meant "how much?", then you give a biiig squeeze back, as in "thiiis much". When they had established this, the partner started nudging and squeezing the SOs feet, elbows, etc. too.

I dont know if I described it well enough, but the "lesson" is that everyone can have different ways of expressing their love which are natural to them, and I think the story is beautiful

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