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Romance-Repulsed, Or....???


Eridanus
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Hey y'all. Definitely not urgent, but I have had some realizations.

I figured out I was aromantic about a year ago and the thought always lingered in my head after that. I just realized, though, that I tend to find romance a little annoying. For example, in video games, there would be this great plot, and I would love everything about it, but the main character would have a love interest. Everyone who knows the game really loves the love interest, but for some reason, I started not liking her as much? She had a really good concept and character and otherwise, I like her, so I'm not sure what's happening? (I'm specifically talking about Breath of the Wild, if anyone knows).

The same thing happens with other games, and seven shows and books. (I mostly like action and adventure). I'm not sure if I'm romance-repulsed, because I don't seem to have a problem when watching romcoms or books about romance. I don't know if this is because with these, I'm fully expecting the plot to be about romance and purposely enjoying consuming romantic entertainment.

????????????

- Erid

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I totally get it, and can relate. I consider myself partway between romance neutral and romance repulsed - like I'm not flat out repulsed by romance and in some cases I even enjoy it/find it quite cute, but I get frustrated sometimes when a romantic plot is introduced into a show/movie/book. I think it's because the romance sometimes feels like it's getting in the way of others things I found more compelling (maybe a friendship with another character, maybe an exciting opportunity for the character). For other people, it's okay to have that tradeoff for romance and it makes sense because you change and make sacrifices when you're in love, and all that. But for me, it's a lot harder to relate, so I'm mostly just sad and frustrated that another good part of the story was diminished for the sake of a romantic plot point.

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I totally agree with @mossy's point about how it could be relating to amatonormativity and the prevalence of romance in culture/media. Maybe it's relating to  frustration or feeling disinterested when romance is brought up in a situation where it isn't necessary or expected?

I've mainly heard of romance repulsion in the context of actually being in a romantic situation yourself (like being grossed out at the thought of kissing someone you're close with), though I'm sure those feelings can translate or influence your perspective on media and culture as well. 

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I know what you mean. I guess the developers don't have time to make characters have an actual connection before they become "involved". I really dont get it but if I did I probably wouldn't be aro, amirite? I always respect plots that go for a more brotherly/sisterly approach.

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maybe you just prefer good romances, like idk the game your talking about, but like sometimes ill be watching a movie or show or reading a book or something and there will be a romantic relationship that’s like well written and ill think its cute and be happy for the characters(yes i know they’re not real people), but sometimes in a story theres a dating relationship and i just really dont like it, this tends to happen more with dating relationships that are like really rushed, (or  seem really rushed to me, maybe i just didn’t realize they were flirting earlier) and don’t seem well written( but, what do i know? maybe they’re very well written and i just don’t understand romance.)

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On 3/25/2021 at 11:38 PM, Rainy Robin said:

I've mainly heard of romance repulsion in the context of actually being in a romantic situation yourself (like being grossed out at the thought of kissing someone you're close with), though I'm sure those feelings can translate or influence your perspective on media and culture as well. 

yeah, some people have different feelings about those two situations, like someone might actually really like a depiction of a particular romantic activity but would hate to take part in it themselves.  personally, my feelings are generally the same--when i see it, it's just kind of "ugh," but the repulsion is stronger when i think about being involved, and stronger still when i actually am.  the only time i might be considered favourable is toward beautiful words which happen to be romantic; i admire writers (novel, movie, song, poem, whatever) who can string words together so nicely, but i wouldn't want someone to say the same romantic words to me, at least not in that context.  

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