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I hate not having a genuine connection with anyone.


IA_8HAchi
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Last October, I found out from my own mother that my older brother is getting married. And as much as I try, I just cannot deal with it at all. Since 2013, he's gone off to college, graduated, went to grad school, graduated again, and throughout that time, we've barely talked, unless he's needed something from me, like everyone else has. In that time, I've been seen as a helpless shrinking violet, just bc of past bullying, and the fact that I can't get a job on my own, through no fault of my own. I'm not annoyed he's choosing to do this, I'm annoyed he didn't bother telling me, now I'm hearing he's getting gifts from these people, who I DON'T KNOW, but apparently they adore, for Christmas, and he didn't bother TELLING ME.

And the thing is, it's gotten me all sorts of whacked out, because, I am just of done with all this talk of marriage, and children, like, one time, randomly, barely any prompting whatsoever, my Mom asked me if she wanted her to find me a girlfriend, like some sort of lost animal. If I wasn't in control of myself, I probably would've cursed her out. And what's worse for me, this past Christmas, my Dad was talking about me and my brother about life, and, inevitably, the talk of marriage came up, because our older brother was planning on getting married, or as he put it, he "chose someone", like they were a pet. And then he went into talking in detail about how to keep women from leaving you, children, sharing a bedroom, and what really stuck out to me, he said,

"When will we be there to see 'I do'?"

At that point, I was just so mentally checked out, I wished I had blacked out.

IDK, I guess I'm just feeling bitter, because all I want is to just have ONE connection with someone, because I just don't care anymore at this point. I've tried to get at least a few friends, but it always ends the same way: They walk away, I do and say nothing, and I'm left keeping to myself. I just want someone in my life to talk about anything, so I can get my entire mind off of everything, just for 10 minutes.

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I’ll be honest friend, these relationship troubles that you’re experiencing extend beyond being aromantic. Romantic feelings are of course removed from familial relationships and friendships. 
 

I find that pain and frustration with ones self can spill over into other relationships. I would recommend that the best way to resolve the problems you believe you experience with family and friends, you should assess yourself and reset your goals. Give yourself a concrete and achievable goal that will begin to benefit your life. Such as choosing to find and apply to at least one job listing per week, on something like Indeed, just to get the ball moving. When you have something to work for, it’ll help your mental state and subsequently your relationships. 
 

Once that goal is set up to help your future, refocus on your hobbies. Find the subreddit for what you like and start posting and commenting. You’ll surely find some people who’d like to be friends with you over any particular shared interest. 
 

You have to believe in yourself.

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22 hours ago, Jedi said:

You sound like you're lonely and angry. Was this an extra bad day, or are you feeling like this a lot?

I just needed to vent out all my frustration. I've been feeling like this for a good while, now.

 

Quote

Find the subreddit for what you like and start posting and commenting. You’ll surely find some people who’d like to be friends with you over any particular shared interest. 

Yeah, but the thing is, my family is adamant about bringing people over so they can meet them, and I've got no one like that in my life.

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4 hours ago, IA3Faces said:

Yeah, but the thing is, my family is adamant about bringing people over so they can meet them, and I've got no one like that in my life.

Do they stop you from talking to people online?

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Seeing others "moving ahead" with their lives and having connections can definitely lead to resentment when you're not in a good place yourself. I think it's a normal response to have when you feel that your life is lacking in some way (aka not having a genuine connection with anyone). It sucks that you were left out of important news from a family member, and it sucks not having any friends or close relationships, having no one to talk to. I'm sorry you're experiencing this.

I don't want to give any unsolicited advice, sometimes you just have to vent and that's alright. But while it's important for you to let yourself feel your feelings of bitterness and anger and frustration, it's also necessary to consider making steps to address this and make changes in your life, especially if you've been feeling like that for some time. Continuously feeling frustrated or bitter only hurts you and leaves you stuck where you are in the end. It's hard work building and maintaining relationships of any kind, but it's even harder if you're feeling like this regularly. Anyway, I hope you can work this out and make the genuine connections you desire. 

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Both Eredryn and Hellishfish give good advice I think. These are things that I didn't quite know how to express in a gentle way. There are means of finding friends available to you, though I know myself how much easier said than done that is. There is a lot of random chance involved in finding your people. But the anger and bitterness you show also risk turning these broken friendships into a vicious cycle, or self-fulfilling prophecy. You had a very strong reaction to your dad talking about your brothers upcoming wedding. You sound like you are in a really bad headspace, and I wish I could help, but I am rather powerless over here from the other side of a screen. I hope you can find some peace of mind.

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To be completely honest, at this point you might benefit from talking to a professional about what you're going through - your history with bullying, your social isolation, and other resentments and anxieties you might have. Making the kind of fundamental changes to your life that will help get you out of this rut is much, much easier with the help of a professional like a counsellor or psychologist. 

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