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Could I use a label that may not be true to what I am in order to leave room for possible growth?


Guest - aro?

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Could I ID as greyromantic/grey aro instead of aromantic, though I'm pretty sure I've never experienced romantic attraction? 

It might put some anxiety to rest about identifying as such, but I'm a bit worried that this would be disrespectful to greyromantics in some way or that it would be wrong to identify as such with no real proof that this is what I am. 

Thoughts please? And thank you for your time and responses in advance.  :arocapapo:💚

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I'm sorry if this offended anyone, if so that was not my intention. 

If you think it would be disrespectful to ID as greyro, I could just call myself aro-questioning for a while? I could just make a flag with a question mark over an aro flag if that would be adequate. I'm not sure. 

You don't have to reply, thank you for reading though if you've come this far. This community is great (': 

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You didn't ask an offensive question! Sometimes activity is just a bit slow here. I'm not grey-aro myself, so I'm not an authority on what would or wouldn't offend that community, but generally I'd say labels don't have to be set in stone at any point. If using one makes you feel the most comfortable, than it's doing its job - even if you can't "prove" it. And it's completely okay to switch labels later! I don't think it's any one person's responsibility to uphold or reject certain perceptions of a label or usage of it, you just gotta do what works for your personal experiences and self-perception.

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What with self-perception and personal experiences I'd say I'd be aro, to myself at least... It just seems a lot less risky to regard myself internally as aro than to let it be known to others when I can't prove it's true. Maybe I'm just not ready for that yet, and that's okay. At one point I was fairly sure of being aro, but maybe due to external influences and the perception of aros being immature/not having found the right person yet, greyro/ aro questioning feels safer? 

It might just take time. I found your input helpful, thank you <: 

 

 

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Definitely feel free to take your time with choosing a label, but also the idea of it being 'too soon to say' will never actually go away with some people - easier to claim a full grown adult is a 'late bloomer' than accept aromanticism is just A Thing. (People so often start getting 'real' crushes in 4th-6th grade, saying teens can't or shouldn't use whatever label fits them at the moment is silly). But again, you don't have to rush into anything if it makes you unhappy. Whatever you go with, I wish you luck!

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Thank you, you too <:

I understand that people often develop feelings very young and I might still ID as aro since that fits best as it is. But I've always liked things a bit oversized ;> 

If I don't ID as aro I might use the aro flag but say I'm a-spec, as it's flexible, describes me pretty well (feeling little to no attraction, personally) and I don't see it being offensive, really. Thank you again for the insight!

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Personally I identify as greyro for a few months or maybe a year before identify as aro. My case was different (I had felt romantic attraction once and I thought I may have not very intense crushes because I chosed cute guys and decided "why not have a crush on them?"). It helps me to accept my aro identity, because saying that I felt not intense and not often romantic attraction  was less scary than saying I felt none, at all. Then when I made peace with the idea, I naturally stop thinking myself as grey and say I was aromantic.

 

6 hours ago, Guest - aro? said:

It just seems a lot less risky to regard myself internally as aro than to let it be known to others when I can't prove it's true.

I think it may be even harder to prove you are greyro, because greyro is less likely to be seen as a true label. They face even more negationist comments I think, because people think it doesn't exist, that it doesn't different from allo experienc, etc. So it is more risky to have people who say that you are just looking for attention with this label. This is sad but this is what I see people say.

 

People who refuse to understand will be hard to convince but there are some supportive people in this world.

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I also identified as greyro for a bit before identifying as aro. I wasnt sure if I had experienced romantic attraction ever, but I knew I wasn't too into the idea of romantic relationships. I used the greyro label as a way to allow myself some wiggle room in case I was a late bloomer. It did help ease the transition for me and once I was a bit older, I felt confident that I was aro. Perhaps it goes another way for you, of course. Either way, sometimes labels are about the journey of self-learning.

But like Autumn said, you can always change your label later. Labels are supposed to serve you and it should be something you feel comfortable with, even if it's a temporary description of you and your experiences.

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10 hours ago, nonmerci said:

I think it may be even harder to prove you are greyro, because greyro is less likely to be seen as a true label. They face even more negationist comments I think, because people think it doesn't exist, that it doesn't different from allo experience, etc. So it is more risky to have people who say that you are just looking for attention with this label. This is sad but this is what I see people say.

 

People who refuse to understand will be hard to convince but there are some supportive people in this world.

Yes I see your point, and I can see that happening tbh. I think most of the people I care about would accept me as such though if I made it known. 

5 hours ago, Erederyn said:

I also identified as greyro for a bit before identifying as aro. I wasnt sure if I had experienced romantic attraction ever, but I knew I wasn't too into the idea of romantic relationships. I used the greyro label as a way to allow myself some wiggle room in case I was a late bloomer. It did help ease the transition for me and once I was a bit older, I felt confident that I was aro. Perhaps it goes another way for you, of course. Either way, sometimes labels are about the journey of self-learning.

But like Autumn said, you can always change your label later. Labels are supposed to serve you and it should be something you feel comfortable with, even if it's a temporary description of you and your experiences.

Yes! For me, it's more important to feel comfortable in a label than to be certain that it fits me to a T. 

Thank you all for the responses 💚

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You do not have to be perfectly comfortable with your identity to choose a label. it is clear that you are not entirely sure whether aro or greyromantic fit you best, so do not be worried to pick either one. remember it could be that you are greyromantic and those concerns you have about offending greyros would apply to aros. 

Anyone who is offended at you choosing an identity that may fit you then switching to one which does is, in my opinion, being silly. it reduces the ability of someone to find themself as they could only experiment with an identity after they are basically certain it was made for them, and that makes working these things out so more difficult.

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6 minutes ago, roboticanary said:

You do not have to be perfectly comfortable with your identity to choose a label. it is clear that you are not entirely sure whether aro or greyromantic fit you best, so do not be worried to pick either one. remember it could be that you are greyromantic and those concerns you have about offending greyros would apply to aros. 

I haven't really considered that, that is interesting... I guess when I was considering offending people, it would be about me representing them badly- for example, if I ID as aro and then that is disproved, it could reflect on the community and support the assumption that it's just a phase :T. Similarly, if I ID as greyro and then move towards aro, that might involuntarily support the idea that greyros are aros in denial which is really not true... 

That's just where I was coming from personally with that worry, though I might just be overthinking it. 

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35 minutes ago, Guest - aro? said:

if I ID as aro and then that is disproved, it could reflect on the community and support the assumption that it's just a phase

that is a fair worry. however I suspect that the sort of person who believes these identities are just a phase are not going to be disuaded even if you did keep the same label all your life

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8 minutes ago, roboticanary said:

that is a fair worry. however I suspect that the sort of person who believes these identities are just a phase are not going to be disuaded even if you did keep the same label all your life

I suppose so. After all, if they'd deny the existence of an orientation to begin with, it could be hard to change that mindset.

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Anyone feel free to continue the discussion about labels that I started this topic for, but I have a smaller question I don't really want to start another topic for that I would like to know the answer to if possible? No rush though. 

The question isn't immediate as I identify more with aro than aroace at the moment, but for future reference it could be good to know-

I've seen both the aroace flag with the aro heart over the ace backdrop and that with the orange yellow white and blue, and I'm not sure which is used more or is more 'official'/recognizable. I also haven't seen anything explaining why the orange/yellow/white/blue color scheme is used, as most flags' colors symbolize certain things (my bad if there is a good place to find information on this that I haven't found, I don't mean to ask unnecessary questions). 

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12 hours ago, Guest - aro? said:

I've seen both the aroace flag with the aro heart over the ace backdrop and that with the orange yellow white and blue, and I'm not sure which is used more or is more 'official'/recognizable. I also haven't seen anything explaining why the orange/yellow/white/blue color scheme is used, as most flags' colors symbolize certain things (my bad if there is a good place to find information on this that I haven't found, I don't mean to ask unnecessary questions). 

Apparently the orange/yellow/white/blue flag is one of the most populars ones and is used on the aroace LGBTA wiki, so maybe that's the official one (perhaps someone else knows better?). 

But here's an explanation of all the aroace flags! https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Aroace

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