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I'm embarrassed at my identity


hunt
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I've had these thoughts for awhile now but. I really hate my identity. I hate my labels.

I called myself bisexual for MULTIPLE YEARS, and yet now, bisexual doesn't feel right at all. I can't use pan either. So I'm stuck using microlabels. And i really like the term i use, I think it suits me really well, but at the same time I despise it because I always feel like people are judging or bashing me for using microlabels. Even tho there's nothing wrong with them.

I feel content with my labels. I feel comfortable with my labels. And they're MY LABELS so it shouldn't even matter what other people say about them and yet.

I wish I could take my anxiety riddled brain and s c o o p. Trash bin.

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  • 2 weeks later...
1 hour ago, Finn said:

Why doesn't bisexual feel right? What genders are you attracted to or not attracted to?

Uhhh, theres not really one particular reason. I used the term bisexual for approx. eight years before I started feeling like it wasn't the correct fit.

Im attracted to everyone, except as my sexuality suggests, I'm only attracted to feminine and androgynous presenting people, with no attraction to masculine presenting people.

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My guy, i think i might know how u feel. i use a microlabel on the aro spectrum (lithromantic) and my god it's annoying. I worry that I'm seeking attention or that it's fake, i worry that other people are gonna judge me or question it, it's just hard and embarrassing. Half the time i say i'm "aro-spec" because i don't want others to say "that's not a real identity" or ask "are you sure you're not just [insert other identity/condition/normal thing]?" And it also makes it hard to find others who use the same label. it sucks 

But i think that's a problem with other people. The idea that "microlabels" are invalid and made-up is a very right-wing idea, a demeaning and mocking way for them to bash lgbt+ people. U hear them make shitty jokes about "5941 genders" and "attack helicopters," and it's literally just a tool to discriminate. If u turn ur opponent into a laughing stock, into cringeworthy content, u reduce their power and undermine their self worth. This causes people to feel imposter syndrome, internalize the prejudice, disbelieve their own feelings, force themselves into uncomfortable labels to avoid ridicule, and be afraid to say what they're really feeling. It can cause them to hate themselves the way the oppressors hate them

And unfortunately, this right-wing rhetoric exists within left-wing and lgbt spaces too. The people in my life who have said my label isn't valid have all been left-wing and/or lgbt. It's messed up. But honestly, they're wrong and they're projecting internalized homophobia onto others, because mocking or invalidating another group makes their community feel safer or more special or more valid. They're insecure and unaccepting.

Legit, fuck them. Someone created ur label because they felt like u do, just like someone created the labels gay and bisexual because they needed a word to describe themselves. Labels are meant to describe feelings, not appease others. U belong to a fantastic community that is inevitably going to gain more visibility, because that's how time works. If ur able to surround urself with those people, online or even irl, and also maybe purchase a pride flag or expose urself more to ur-label-positive content, do it dude. That can encourage self acceptance and remind u that ur beautiful 

Edited by hermi1e
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  • 1 month later...
On 10/21/2020 at 4:38 PM, hunt said:

Im attracted to everyone, except as my sexuality suggests, I'm only attracted to feminine and androgynous presenting people, with no attraction to masculine presenting people.

That's still attraction to all genders. You can still id as bisexual. If not that does queer work? Or sapphic if you're woman aligned?

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  • 3 weeks later...

Yeah, I don't understand why people can't respect whatever you want to call yourself. I use different labels for different things, I reserve my broad labels to use in passing, but I have my own microlabels that describe me further.

Sometimes it helps to use the broader term if it helps others understand :)

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