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I was able to tell my friend "I love you" !!!


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I've always struggled really hard with telling close people "I love you"-- I can tell my friends "I love you" just fine, but once I get closer to someone, this wall just comes up and I can't say it. I even struggle to say it to my family.

I have a close friend with whom I have a sort of unofficial QPR (we're strictly non-romantic, she's not looking for a relationship and she knows I identify as aro, but we're still good close friends and we can cross non-platonic boundaries comfortably), and for a while I kept wanting to tell her "I love you", like I do to my other friends. But I didn't want to give her a mixed signal-- telling "her oh, hey, I'm aromantic and I don't want a relationship, and also, I love you!!!" So I couldn't tell her, and it felt kind of bad because I tell my other friends I love them all the time, and she's a really good friend so I wanted to give her that kind of love too, but I was too scared. 

Anyway the other day we were talking about a coworker's recent marriage and chatting about marriage in general and she said something like "I think I'd only get married for tax purposes honestly" and I just said "Oh my god, I love you so much right now," and she went one one knee and said "..... for tax purposes?" It was just so great, and I'm happy that now I've gotten past that barrier and I can give her the same kind of love I give the rest of my friends! Bwaaah!

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Okay, I love that story!! That's so sweet! I have a sort of similar feeling around the L word, but I also was able to say a casual "love you!" to my friends before I leave, most of which I'm out to, and it just feels so freeing! 

I was reading this book about shyness and the author was talking about how she learned that people don't like to wave, but they love to wave back (they don't like to initiate things they might like). So recently I've been trying to initiate some more things that I haven't been sure about, but everyone who I've talked with or said "I love you" to has always said "love you too" right back!

Anyway, it's just really nice to be able to say how much you appreciate your friends without it being weird, huh?

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