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squishes or something else ?


Haze
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Hello!

 

I've seen a lot of people talk about their squishes and how it's not that different from romantic feelings. I used to say I got squishes in the past but I find myself not really relating to those experiences ? I remember having this "feeling" with both men and women, even though they're rare. Basically, I can just look at someone (often guys) and tell myself "wow they are very handsome/cute" (i have a strong aesthetic attraction) and just stare at them (sounds creepy...). I might want to become friends (depends on how "cool" I think they are because sometimes they can be too cool for me and i'll just be content watching them) but that's it. I might be happy when they enter a room i'm in but once they're out of my sight, I can forget them easily

 

So I wonder if these are squishes, something else, or are they basic crushes and i'm just "too shy" to go further ? 

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Honestly? Sounds like just, you know, regular old interest in a person. But that's not my call to make.

The aro community tends to focus a lot on compartmentalizing every feeling towards another person as some distinct, specific Type of attraction, but truth be told, that's not really how relationships work, nor is it a necessary thing. It can be a useful tool for discussion and expression, sure, but that doesn't mean you should panic if something you're feeling doesn't fit the five words people have told you you're allowed to use for your emotions.

So what you should be asking yourself is not "What kind of feeling is this?" but rather, "Do I want/need to use a label for this feeling? Why or why not?" What determines whether or not they're squishes is whether or not you choose to call them that.

Edited by Jot-Aro Kujo
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I never liked the term "squishes" I prefer to call them "friend crushes" so essentially just wanting to befriend someone because they interest you because of their aesthetic/personality/etc.

Not sure if that's the answer you're looking for. I always thought a crush meant you like the person romantically so a "friend crush" is the platonic version of that.

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6 hours ago, Haze said:

 I might be happy when they enter a room i'm in but once they're out of my sight, I can forget them easily

OK, first up that does not sound like you just being too shy to go further

are they squishes, well I agree with what was said before, 

6 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

What determines whether or not they're squishes is whether or not you choose to call them that.

Also the community, at least on here, is fairly small, and the aro community in general is not that old. I wouldn't be surprised if a bit more time and a bit more looking led you to find quite a few people who describe squishes, or whatever word they end up using, in a way that you do relate to.

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On 8/8/2020 at 6:13 PM, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

The aro community tends to focus a lot on compartmentalizing every feeling towards another person as some distinct, specific Type of attraction, but truth be told, that's not really how relationships work, nor is it a necessary thing. It can be a useful tool for discussion and expression, sure, but that doesn't mean you should panic if something you're feeling doesn't fit the five words people have told you you're allowed to use for your emotions.

Even assuming five types of attraction that still gives, at least. thirty one possibilities.

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