being grey

[Collie]

Being greyromantic is being in a weird state of somewhere-in-between. Because some people say, well, if you've experienced even a little bit of attraction, you're not aro, or even "if you have had only one crush then you're alloromantic". Then others say, "well, grey means you haven't experienced enough attraction to establish a clear pattern, so you can call yourself aro if you want" 

For me, I mostly relate to aromanticism. I have had very rare crushes (one that bordered on alterous attraction tbh), and even used to have a bit more interest in romantic things. So I call myself greyromantic, or grey aro, and have an aromantic flag.
I think for me the most confusion comes from the fact that back at age 19/20ish (6/7 years ago), I had a little bit of interest in romance......to sum it up, it was NOT something I actively desired, but there was times where I thought (mistakenly) that someone was interested in me and while I didn't have feelings for them I remember thinking "maybe if we became friends this will lead somewhere". I don't know if that counts as romantic attraction or not. I just know that now, I'm not romantically attracted to anyone, haven't been for years, and don't want to be.

[Ch0c0]

You are what you are and that is perfectly fine. It would be boring if everyone exactly fit into cases.

You can choose the label that fits the most or a label that will allow you to reach your relationship goals. "Maybe if we became friends this will lead somewhere?" Have you tried projecting yourself long term into this somewhere? Would you like it?

I also pondered whether I was completely aromantic or not. I feel other kinds of attration to people (intellectual, aesthetic,...) who make it very confusing in a romance context. I have chosen my label looking at my past, present but also future.

Edited April 16, 2020 by Ch0c0
typo once again ^_^

[Apathetic Echidna]

I had exactly the same thing with my sexual orientation. yes, I experienced a little bit of attraction very infrequently so I didn't fit in the solid A- box but because that was years and years ago the resources were very limited so I never came across the concept of Grey- back then. Which led me to reject the idea because I thought I must be some mysterious 'something else'. 

22 hours ago, questdrivencollie said:

Because some people say, well, if you've experienced even a little bit of attraction, you're not aro, or even "if you have had only one crush then you're alloromantic". Then others say, "well, grey means you haven't experienced enough attraction to establish a clear pattern, so you can call yourself aro if you want" 

Sorry, but this sounds like Tumblr Siths dealing in absolutes. There are some great discussions talking about being grey and what that means for different people, because grey isn't one thing it is rather a constellation of different experiences. Attraction might be very rare occurrence or it could be regular but so slight as to be negligible or it might be so vague that you can only identify it as a pattern using hindsight. 

[Lokiana]

5 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

There are some great discussions talking about being grey and what that means for different people, because grey isn't one thing it is rather a constellation of different experiences.

I just loved this quote, and really, it is a nice, succinct way of putting it. 

[Apathetic Echidna]

4 minutes ago, Lokiana said:

I just loved this quote, and really, it is a nice, succinct way of putting it. 

to tell the truth I heard the original form while watching You Can't Ask That (Australian version) in relation to describing the autism spectrum and I thought it was so beautiful it changed my mental image of spectrums from a venn diagram circle to a cloud of lights.

[mace]

On 4/16/2020 at 2:20 AM, questdrivencollie said:

Being greyromantic is being in a weird state of somewhere-in-between. Because some people say, well, if you've experienced even a little bit of attraction, you're not aro, or even "if you have had only one crush then you're alloromantic". Then others say, "well, grey means you haven't experienced enough attraction to establish a clear pattern, so you can call yourself aro if you want" 

One could argue that if you experienced romantic attraction at some point in your life you are technically not aromantic. But the important point is that what counts is how one is actually feeling an not how they can be technically defined. If most of ones life experiences is similar to that of aromantic people of course one can relate much more with aromatic people than with romantic people. So telling them they are alloromantic just doesn't make sense, because they share much more experiences with aromantic people than with alloromantic people. If you feel still different from aromatic people due to the experiences you had that's exactly what the greyromantic label is for.