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I Think I Might Be Aromantic But I'm Not Sure

Guest lavenderandturquoise

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Guest lavenderandturquoise

I've never liked anyone romantically, but I'm only thirteen years old, so it might just not have happened yet. I don't really mind romance in stories if it doesn't come out of nowhere, and in some cases I like it, but I don't know if that's because I'm used to reading about characters I can't relate to or if I'm just alloromantic. I can never tell when people are dating unless I'm told. Sometimes other people find it obvious that someone has a crush on me, when the idea never occurred to me.

I keep trying to figure out whether I'm aromantic or not, but I keep wondering if I'm subconsciously trying to be aro. What I really think would help me figure myself out is if any writers reading this could talk about how they figured out they were aro, but tell it as if they're a character in a book. Thank you!

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Can you possibly be more specific or maybe write us a paragraph example of what you mean by tell you how we knew we were aro but as if we were a book character? Are you just meaning you want us to write in third person? Or something else?

Generally, I want to say that people focus way too much on age. Our identities, who we are - these are not static things. People are dynamic! People change. We grow, we learn, we go through new experiences. New language is created and new ways to connect with people and share knowledge are created. Picking a label now doesn't mean it has to 100% be your forever label. It's okay if the term aromantic helps you out now but you decide to use a different label at any later point - in a few days, weeks, months, or years. You're not doing anything wrong by trying out different labels or using different labels at any point in your life.

Also, if you are subconsciously trying to be aro (whatever that means - I'm genuinely unsure), maybe there's a reason for that? Maybe it's okay that you respect your feelings and whatever is causing you to feel this way?

It's okay to identify as aromantic because you want to. That's all a part of questioning and exploration and figuring yourself out.

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Can't say better than @pressAtoQUEER.


Personally, I figoure out I was aro after I learned the term and then do some introspection. I realized that I don't feel romantic attraction, I think I only had one crush in my entire life. At first, I identify as greyro because of that one crush, and now as aro because, as I said, it was only one crush who was actually different from an allo crush  think, so I just decided it didn't count. And I go as aro now.

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From my experience, i knew I was aro after I found the term in the internet and did like @nonmerci an introspection. Whenever you like or not romance is ok and doesn't invalidate what you are. What I love about labels is that you can stick it anywhere as long as you want to, and a label is only a description of something, in this case a group of people. If you feel like you belong, then you belong ^^. Also, just like that if you don't lik it, the label can be stripped off and nothing will happen.

You can question your identity, but only you will truly know the answer, what the rest of the people can do is help you discover it (here we doing that I think). 

Character in a book: In a house, a cute human returned from work. As they opened the door, a black cat jumped to the human's shoulder. "Hello furball,  guess what will happen today?" they said cheerfully. The cat meowed and purred, and started sniffing the clothes. "Yup, you guessed it, Yang is coming here to pass some quality time with ME not you, muahahahaha". After the monologue, the cute human went to bath, heated some leftovers to eat for dinner and started preparing the sofa for when Yang came. About 30 mins later Yang came dressed in a yellowish dress and beside her was a cooling box full of cheap wine. "I see you brought this year provisions for the marathon, it's gonna be a long one" said the cute human. "You bet it will be, said Yang happily, "btw need to use bathroom so shu shu shu start prepping everything". After some minutes Yang came back from the bathroom and threw herself into the sofa, "Phew, ok im rdy, make some space for me", and started pushing the cute human out of the sofa and looking for the first bottle of wine. "Mate, you make space, this sofa is mine, and it is on!" said cute human while taking a bottle too, Yang took the control and pressed start. And just like that, the marathon started, they where starting the marathon of the year, all movies in chronological order from Lord of the Rings, all extended edition, around 26 hours in total including breaks to go to the bathroom.

The only rule is to drink everytime someone unsheathed a sword. Every year, the duo chooses a marathon to do to celebrate their friendship. The tradition has been uphelded for 10 years, 5-5 has been the score of who is the first to fall asleep. When the marathon is over and all the wine is used up, they share their updates on life. This time was not different. "Ha I won this year" said Yang somewhat drunk. "Pfft, in your dreams, I saw you nodding off at the last movie clearly I won" protested the cute human. "Hmmm, so tiebreaker it is, fine where is the tiebreaker?" Followed Yang, and started looking for the black cat. "Eh, furball should be on the top of the fridge? Or in the window" After a few minutes of looking, Yang came with the cat in hands. "Here it is, lets see who is the true winner, same rules as always, if it meows three times or goes to the fridge I win, if it goes to the sofa or meows once, you win". Blake, the black cat, was then put on the floor to manifest its will. It sat, and started licking its paws. "Welp, this is gonna be a long one again" said the cute human, "So how is life? You where looking for that barista right? The one that made you the perfect white chocolate pumpkin latte with double expresso shot. "Yeah! Oh gosh that barista had god hands" answered Yang, "I haven't found her...yet; How 'bout you, still looking for that special someone?". The cute human smirked, "Oh ho, maybe, just maybe I found that someone" whispered smoothly. Yang opened wide her eyes, "Did you????", but before the cute human could answer, a loud sound came from upstairs, Yang jumped, but the cute human only started laughing. "Yup, she is up just in time. Blake! Come here, there is someone that wishes to meet you" and no longer than 10 seconds a shadow was seen from the stairs, and the most handsome dog came into view. Yang just stood there, gazing at the majesticness of that white as snow pelt from the Siberian Husky, and just said: "Nothing is perfect, but...that is very close to it. Umm what happened to the non furry friend of yours? You know, the one that walked in two legs." To that question, the cute human just sighed and said: "Well, it started gucci, lots of sex which we both liked...buuuut at the end of the day, I prefer to be with you than him. Sure, sex is good but he cannot give me what I want the most, to be at peace. I feel that when I'm with you, I am truly me, goofy, loud, and careless. I have told him that I cannot feel love like he feels it, and he is super ok with that, and tries to make me comfortable and give me my space. Not everyone is like that you know? Certainly not any of my exes, not one of them understood me." To all this information Yang could only absorb it, "...damn" was the only thing Yang let out, "well that is more than I expected, holy macaroni, this is so much info, I don't even know how to start, ok ok, first of all, I am super glad you feel that way with me, seriously. Second, you didn't answered my question, Where is he?". To that, the cute human let a laugh and responded: "He is hanging with his friends playing dnd, wont be coming in a week i think, cross state trip, and thanks for...you know not freaking out with me telling you that, you know I would say I oove you the same way I love Blake and Sasha, all three are my furballs. To that, Yang started laughing, "Me a furball?? I only let my hair this long to see if I could find that barista, im sure he mentioned something of my hair that only time we talked, I forgot what it was but maybe he likes long hair. ALSO, where the hell is Blake and Sasha??? I totally forgot about them" the cute human smirked, "Blaaaaake", and then a single meow was heard. "I win".


Hope my story helps you. Is based on a true story (with some minor changes, to keep it short). I'm no writer but I tried :3

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I'm going to try to say this as straightforward as I possibly can. 

Life is going to be difficult. Especially love. And you're going to have to have some patience when it comes to being sure about something. Honestly, I hate the way that is, as I'm only sixteen and only want to come out as are when I'm sure. 

The phone call was over before it started.

Gloria liked the way he looked. She liked the way he would tease her and make jokes. She liked how kindly he always treated her, how he always put her in front of himself, how kind and thoughtful he was, how competitive he was, how fun he was to watch movies with, how amazing he was to be around.

But she didn't love him. 

When they cuddled she felt safe but not because of him. When they kissed she felt happy, but it wasn't his doing. She didn't like the pet names or the PDA.

It wasn't the way he looked. It wasn't his personality. It wasn't the little things that annoyed her sometimes. It wasn't any of that.

And that was the hardest part. That she was going to have to lose her closest friend.

"I think we need to break up."

The pain was strange. It felt freeing to finally be out of the relationship, but suddenly there were no memes exchanged over iMessage. There were no check ins. There was a hole. 

But the hole could be filled with friends and family. Gloria didn't need a boyfriend to be happy. She shouldn't have to lie for happiness. 

Gloria wouldn't mind if she spent her whole life without a romantic partner.

And that's okay. 


Hope this helped! I know that labels can be scary. Especially if you're telling others about it, maybe even non-accepting parents. But you should know that going through labels is pretty normal! For a long time I thought I could be a lesbian because I obviously didn't like guys, so I must like girls, right? 

I guess my point is that you REALLY shouldn't put too much pressure on yourself. As you go along living your life, take note of what makes you feel happy and fulfilled and keep pursuing those. You don't need a label to enjoy pottery but not sex. Just live you're life! 

We're all here for you. :) 

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  • 2 months later...
Guest lavenderandturquoise
On ‎4‎/‎2‎/‎2020 at 6:50 PM, hemogoblin said:

Can you possibly be more specific or maybe write us a paragraph example of what you mean by tell you how we knew we were aro but as if we were a book character? Are you just meaning you want us to write in third person? Or something else?

I basically meant what Blake and ScarfofSexualPreference did. I'm not really sure how to clarify further, sorry.

On ‎4‎/‎2‎/‎2020 at 6:50 PM, hemogoblin said:

Picking a label now doesn't mean it has to 100% be your forever label. It's okay if the term aromantic helps you out now but you decide to use a different label at any later point - in a few days, weeks, months, or years. You're not doing anything wrong by trying out different labels or using different labels at any point in your life.

It's less about being wrong and more about invading something that belongs to other people. I really don't want to say I'm LGBTQ+ if it turns out I'm not, even if I thought I was, because I feel like that might be rude or presumptuous of me. I don't know, maybe I'm being irrational.

Thanks to all four of you for taking the time to try and help! I really appreciate it.

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