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Hello! I'm brook, i'm in my 20's, and i recently realized i'm aromantic. This realization came after years of trying to figure out romance, even though i didn't have any interest in it until i realized i was supposed to. When i developed sexual attraction, i guess i just assumed i had romantic attraction too. I had heard of alloromantic asexuals, but i never really saw the opposite, so it never occurred to me that i might be. I even convinced myself i was in love with some of my closest friends and entered a relationship with one of them. It was a disaster. I spent so much of that relationship putting on a performance, saying and doing all the things i thought i was supposed to say, and eventually i settled into something more like a close friendship dynamic. For the most part that was fine, but every now and then she'd say something that made it clear she felt something more, and i had no idea how to react. Deep down, i knew i didn't feel the same, but i cared about her, so i stayed and told myself i'd develop those feelings over time. When i finally broke things off, it was a huge relief.

 

I had considered the possibility that i was gray ace and/or aro before, but i always pushed the thought out of my mind. Most people don't value platonic relationships as much as romantic ones, and i was afraid of what that meant for me if i was aromantic. But it's clear to me now that i just don't have the feelings or desires that make people want romantic relationships, and after lurking on some aromantic blogs, i decided i had to accept myself for who i am. Reading the experiences of other people like me has already helped me so much, and i'm feeling much more at peace with this. I want to talk with other aros, since we're a pretty rare bunch and i've never met another one irl, and this seems like the place to start! Looking forward to meeting some cool people :)

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Hello! Unfortunately, the "allosexual who takes forever to figure out they're aro because literally nobody ever talks about aros outside of aroaces" narrative is really common (happened to me too), but I'm glad you finally figured it out! Nice to meet you!

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Welcome.  For years I only ever heard people talk about aromantic experiences in combination with being asexual, so I assumed being aromantic was something only asexuals experienced, and I'm definitely not asexual.  It took me a pretty long time to realize I'm aro, too.  So, I relate to a lot of what you said.  There's a good number of people here like you, so I hope you can make connections.

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Welcome (sorry about my English, it isn't my first language) , and you're right friend , it seems that is hard to find fellow comrades in real life so sometimes it gets a little lonely out there, because even close friends and family don't fully understand. As Eklinaar said, is relatively rare hear or read about only aromantic experiences without the combination of being asexual, but maybe is because we don't write or participate too much . Anyways, welcome and have a good day!. 

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11 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Hello! Unfortunately, the "allosexual who takes forever to figure out they're aro because literally nobody ever talks about aros outside of aroaces" narrative is really common (happened to me too), but I'm glad you finally figured it out! Nice to meet you!

 

Yeah, reading other aro people's experiences made me realize it's much more common than i thought. Good to know i'm not alone, but i wish we were talked about more so we could figure it out sooner. Nice to meet you too!

 

7 hours ago, Eklinaar said:

Welcome.  For years I only ever heard people talk about aromantic experiences in combination with being asexual, so I assumed being aromantic was something only asexuals experienced, and I'm definitely not asexual.  It took me a pretty long time to realize I'm aro, too.  So, I relate to a lot of what you said.  There's a good number of people here like you, so I hope you can make connections.

 

Thank you :) That's pretty much how it was for me too. I sorta knew it was possible in theory, but i didn't see anyone who was actually like that so i never fully considered it.

 

7 hours ago, Imbr said:

Welcome (sorry about my English, it isn't my first language) , and you're right friend , it seems that is hard to find fellow comrades in real life so sometimes it gets a little lonely out there, because even close friends and family don't fully understand. As Eklinaar said, is relatively rare hear or read about only aromantic experiences without the combination of being asexual, but maybe is because we don't write or participate too much . Anyways, welcome and have a good day!. 

 

I do think part of it is that we didn't participate as much until very recently, but thankfully it seems like that's changing for the better! Hopefully we'll get to a point where more people know about us and it's easier to find others. Thank you for the welcome! (also your english is great, no worries!)

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mmhmm, fellow allo aro here, i had a similar experience.  i actually found the term at 16, though, and spent a year questioning, aka in denial.  cause it does suck in some ways, the whole 'platonic relationships not being valued' thing and of course the way a lot of people react/treat us, and now, at 20, there are still difficult moments and there always will be, but i love it and wouldn't change it.  welcome to the club.

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