cute kitty Meow! Mewo! Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 please explain to me why a squish and a queerplatonic partnership are not romantic?? I saw someone post the other day in another forum, the comment, "are you at the point with your squish where you can ask them to be your QPP?" and that sentence is just 100% the kind of sentence you'd say if your framework is romantic, not aromantic. It took venting here instead of there not to interject and be a big dumb idiot at him for his weird comment lol. Like, I don't f'ing get it. Being aromantic isn't an excuse to buy out of the romance culture that you find unappealing, and it isn't an excuse to sidestep the ickyness of falling in love or gushing about how some person is your better half. Just because a person doesn't like the culture around romance, doesn't like dating, doesn't fall in love, and doesn't consider their partner their other half as if they're joined by romance...... like, these are NOT the definition of an romantic person. No, they are not. Not every romantic person feels those and not every romantic person desires those things. Even the intention of pairing up with someone someday, in and of itself, is an romantic intention. a partnership between two people, like in life not in work lol, is, inherently, romantic relationships. Police partnerships can have romantic tension because it's too romantic being a partner on the police force or fire department with someone - for some folk, certain activities are no-no because it's too close to romanticism that it makes them uncomfortable - such behavior is reserved for their romantic partner at home, not for a coworker. What is aromanticism??? I am not sure the best way to define it. Because, the thing is, aromantic people do sometimes find themselves with feelings of quasi-crushes, which they have a hard time figuring out "what is this" because it doesn't lead them to a path of romantic pairing. it leads them to a friend they care about deeply, along with their other friends. and it certainly isn't a poly thing - it's just friendship. Maybe they really get into their friends on a close, emotional level - but it still is friendship, just a close friend. some have one close friend some have many. What is a QPP?? it isn't something you dream of being in, it isn't some fantasy goal, it isn't the best way for you to be you by being WITH someone. it isn't the future "us" you know you'll one day be a part of. all of that is romanticism - perhaps your romantic emotional experience isn't very big a deal isn't something that you feel really is a part of your life - but having overflowing emotions about some special someone is just ONE part of romanticism, if you lack it OK I'm glad you've identified that but wait please notice that you still dream of being a partner to someone. (if you do in fact dream of being partners to someone) - this is romantic. So what is a QPP? it is either a) something you find and say, hey, this is cool - a roomate that you just keep living with because it works, you're friends, and this is a great life. b) literally a compromise in some way - either you don't want to deal with the pressure from culture to be paired, so you pair with a friend, or because you have a friend who falls for you and wants to be with you and you are like, oh, sure, just, remember I'm not romantic - that's not going to hurt you right? Or, just, something along those lines - not some dream to live life to your happiest by being with someone lol. note that these are not QPF's - queerplatonic friends. people who are your best friend. not a partner. There are queerplatonic situations beyond the scope of my discussion - I'm focusing on partnerships. so lol compromise lol - you could joke about it being a lesser of two evils, . --"I don't want to hurt my friend, so I partnered up with them 'cause why not? it'll be awks if another friend falls for me too and wants me to be with them instead. hope that don't happen." --"I like being on-my-own, but, all my friends are married now and it's hard to lack a 'family' to talk about like they have - I found another aro in a similar situation, and we just go to social gatherings as a pair all the time 'cuase it makes keeping up with our long term friends so much easier. like, we're partners, sure, but really we're friends, roommates, just 'cause it's us don't make it romantic." --"we were always good friends, and we just it was so natural to room together when we moved to the same city for work. it's been basically we've been friends for so long - it'd be weird if we had to switch things up, so we decided hey why not partner up - nothing romantic lol but just, you're my best friend and I'm too used to you being around." and heck, even that sure sounds romantic but - y'know, if you really think about it it isn't. y'know??? >but just. "oh wow I can't wait to be in a QPP" no that's not a sentiment an aro has, sorry. you're dreaming of romance!!! because if you're dreaming of having a partner - this is romantic. if your plan in life is to have a partner, this is romantic. if you know that you're happiest partnered up - this is romantic. Sure I understand if, maybe you think you're aromantic because you don't have any strong feelings about any individual - common misconception that that's all there is to romanticism. But please pause for a second and realize, that you are desiring an romantic relationship. AKA a "closest person" who is your partner - someone to share your life with in some way, above anyone else - not just a friend. Q: OH NO KITTY why you saying "romance is better than friendship???" A: see, it isn't but if you think one friend is better than every other friend (and that friend is clearly your partner) you are recognizing that person as your romantic partner. Sometimes sure, some aromantic folk end up with romantic partners. but they sure don't dream of having it be a part of their life - because that's romanticism. It's just something they land in and say, well, cool, sounds okay enough, I'll live with it just fine. NBD. maybe y'know maybe you want to have a label to identify that you don't feel romantic emotions for specific people, that you only dream of a partnership (aka have romantic emotions about partnered life) - but that'd be cupioromantic - something that is greyro at it's "aroest". someone who appears aromantic - except, for whatever reason they have desire to be in a romantic relationship. this, is part of the greyromantic unbrella lmao. BUT ANYWAY as the question is - what is a squish? what is a QPP? because too often, oh too often, when I see people talking about these - it sure sounds a lot like repressed romanticism. And I really would prefer it if I had concise, quick words to discuss the topic without ranting about it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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