I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I know there's probably nothing that I (a random internet person) can say to you that will sound meaningful, but please don't kill yourself. I think it would matter to a lot more people than you realise (I know for a fact that it would matter a lot to the folks on here, you seem like a good person. While I don't know you in real life, I have really enjoyed our brief encounters).
I think that trying to open up to your therapist is a good idea. Talking to someone about this might take the load off a little, or at least provide a safe space for you.
Again, I'm really sorry you had to go though that stuff, it's so messed up. If you ever need to talk then feel free to shoot me a message.