Oko

Yes, it is. And when you don't requite his feelings, he is angry. Why?

Maybe this: You have a friend, you spend the time with him/her and you have a lot of common hobbies etc. You like spending the time with him/her. Suddenly he/she confess he/she is in love with you and you feel bad. You like the person but imagine dating with him/her you feel uncomfortable. I don't know how to describe it .... feeling anxiety, some aversion to this person who you like, like a friend... Do you know something like this? I have to try the questionnaire too: When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you. Maybe? I'm still asking about it. Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself. Maybe yes. I'm sure I'm not a "romantic person". When you discovered the concept of a “squish” suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you. I had to find what is it, but maybe yes. You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings. Totally true. But if I'm in relationship with somebody, I know it's another, just because it is... You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love. Not true. I was "in love" in the past, but it was just I wanted to spend the time with the person and be close to him. And it was always somebody who was interested in me and in love with me. I'm still asking "Did I love the person or his interest?" You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love. The same answer like previous. You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction. I had to search what is it and yes. In the past it was just attraction for me, I didn't know there is a lot of kinds of attraction. I'm still trying to know, how attraction I felt to people in the past. You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs. Not true. I know it exists, but it's out of me. You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well. I don't read a lot, but yes, romance in stories/movies etc is boring for me. You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend. Yes, totally true. You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it. Yes. But it was always somebody who I liked (good music, good opinions etc...). And it was a good excuse why to not date with somebody ("No I can't, I'm in love with X)😁 You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on. No. I decided to one person and I kept him. If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you. I'm asexual and I didn't understand, what does it mean "benefits" in it. You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings. True. I'm quiet and just listenning and let them speak. Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you. True. Falling in love with people is not very exciting. But falling in love with something another is. For example I'm in love with the village where I live. You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love. Totally true. You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love. True. I think it's crazy. You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them. Totally true. He is good-looking, that's all. Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them. No, I don't understand them. You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better. I had romantic relationship but it wasn't my initiative. The person tried it and I said "Why not". But yes, being single is better. When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable. Yes! Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about. Yes, but I know I don't have to do it. Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are. They had these feelings. I don't know why. A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages. It was in the past. Now I don't want to have a relationship, so I would refuse it. You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back. I said it. He had this feelings and I didn't know what is bad. You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong. Yes, true. When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person. I ended it, but yes. You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love. Yes, totally true. You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them. I don't want to marry. Why? You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date. Yes! You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship. Yes! It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted. True. I'm loner, I like to be alone. But I would feel unwanted withnout my family or friends. You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it. Yes. Both is true. Depends on situation. You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly. Maybe. Is saying "Nice T-shirt" to somebody flirtatious? You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you. Is a school/job a large community? If it is, it's true. You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively. Totally true. When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you. Yes. In a relationship I needed a "manual" to romantic things. 😄 When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend. Yes, but I don't want to date with somebody. The main benefit you get from a romantic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most. I can't find some benefit of a relationship. Single life has a lot of benefits. You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level. Totally true. You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be. Yes. You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person. I'm not a contact person. I don't need to hug people. I would rather be huggy and cuddly with my cat. You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship. I don't want to have relationship. You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out. Totally true. Having a romantic partner might be nice, but not for me. The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you. Yes! Yes! Yes! I love it! You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with. I don't enjoy them. They're boring. You don’t enoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you. True! You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts. In the past I visited this places. But it was just to spend the time with my friends and have fun. I hated when somebody flirted with me. Now I don't visit them. You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional. Yes, totally true. I know how it will end, so why I should watch it? You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone. I like the idea of a big wedding celebration but not my wedding. If it was my friend's wedding and I could have a fun and congratulate him/her, it's okay. But my own wedding? No! No! No!

One day I was just watching the internet. I was looking for something about aromantism, because I was asking if I'm aro or not (still asking). And I found this page, I didn't know something like this exists and it's amazing. There is a lot of people like me (happy single people) who understand it, who don't say "You just need to meet a right person" and another bullsh*ts, which I often listen. For a lot of people somebody who doesn't want be in relationship, doesn't need sex and doesn't want to have family is strange, disappointed and can't be happy. They try to "cure" this person or found a partner for him/her. It's annoying. Thanks for pages like this, like AVEN, like www.asexual.cz (our czech asexual page). Thanks to people who created them.😊🐱

I never had another than bad relationship. It usually took just a little months (I was a young student). My last relationship took 4,5 years and it was really bad and toxic. He was insecure and jealous. He complained about me because I didn't say him "I love you" often (almost never, it was useless for me because he had to know it). When the relationship was in the beggining he often did the romantic things, but I didn't because I didn't know how to do it. I didn't know how to be romantic. He found out I'm not a romantic person. When I started to live alone and broke up, I found out how amazing is being single. I tried being in relationship but it's not for me.

Thank you. I don't have any relationships and I want it to stay that way.

I know, but my subconscious feel it like a trap. Maybe it's because of the fact I had just bad relationships in the past.😀

Yes, me too. But sometimes I said "why not" and started to date with someone but then I regretted and I wanted my freedom back.

This behaviour is realy terrible. Maybe they're bored of their own life and need to take care about others. I just told them: "It's none of your business." and then ignore. I don't have better guidance.

Hello, I'm new here and I want to know if someone have the same feelings like me. Sorry for my English, I'm not a native speaker. Imagine the situation: You meet a nice person. You have a good rapport with him/her, you have a common hobbies, you like and enjoy spending the time with him/her, you are close friends. And he/she confess he/she is in love with you and he/she want to date and be in relationship with you. You don't want and you feel like he/she wanted to "trap" you and you had to "sacrifice" yourself and your freedom for him/her. You start to feel repulsive to shis person and you avoid him/her. And he/she doesn't understand why, so he/she still strive to "trap" you in a relationship. Then he/she give up and start to hate you. I had a lot of situations like this. Do you know something similar? I don't understand why someone have to strive for dating. We spend time together, we have common hobbies. Why we can't just be friends? Why it's not good?

You're right, maybe I just search a problem, where it isn't. But I hope I don't have OCD. I don't look for someone, but I didn't "give up". I just don't need to do it. You speak from my heart. Be in relationship is like "sacrifice" my freedom for someone, be in "trap". I had a lot of situations when someone felt "something" to me and I said honestly "No!" but he still hoped and then he was angry and I was the worst person for him because "I gave him hope"😶

I felt some attraction, but I don't know which. But if he wasn't interested in me, we was still "just" friends. Often happened I imagined relationship wit somebody (good friend) and I felt uncomfortable (maybe sick). I "friendzoned" a lot of people who was interested in me. He was a good "actor". I didn't love him, I loved the illusion. I woke up to this and I ended it. I don't know if it was romantic. I loved his music, his voice, maybe his look. I had lot of his photos in my room and imagined meeting/dating with him. It's funny, because he is married😀 But no, nobody in my closer environment. I just looked to somebody good-looking and said "He's handsome" but it was just trying to "be like others" because "every girls are looking to boys"😃

It's ok. You don't have to apologize. Maybe?🤷‍♀️ Or just "bad choice (a partner) according to some people. What about "adoring" some celebrity? (when I was a teenager). Could this be some kind of "romantic"? I just hoped It will be better. But is was worse and worse... I don't understand my tendency to stay in a bad relationship. And feel happy after the breakup😁 My mother said it could be "defense mechanism" from pregnancy, but I found out it's not true. Maybe the imagining relationship with celebrity? I did it often when I was a teenager.

Just if I'm aromantic or it's some another thing. Missing out what? I tried it a few times and it's not for me. I'm "romance-repulsed" in movies/stories, they are boring for me😀 Maybe you're right with the "tolerance". My exboyfriend often complained I don't "behave romantic", I don't "do the romantic things, gestures" and I didn't know how to do it.😀 It's like asexuals. It's hard to find out "no feeling sexual attraction" if they don't know what is it...

I read about it. It's "someone who feels that they were alloromantic at one point, but that has been taken or “cut away” from them due to past trauma". I have a bad experiences, but I don't call it "trauma". It's strong word. I understand people with anxiety need the help. But I don't have it (maybe I have trust issues). But I'm happy the way I am. Without love and relationship. I don't think I need a psychologist for curing me to "feel romantic" or "love" or "want the relationship". I think it's useless for me.

Nice. Thank you for your help.🙂

It's funny. I said the same things about asexuality. Like "I can't be asexual because I am/was in relationship" nonsense, I know. Now I feel really nothing, just enjoying single life. It's nice. Can it be used for somebody who don't know what she/he felt in the past?

So it doesn't matter if someone was in love/relationship in the past? This person can still be aro? I don't know how to know if it's romantic or platonic. I never heard about it, I read about it. It's name for "asking about romantic", right?

Thanks :)

I'm new here and I'm still asking if I'm aro or not. But maybe this: I had a friend, we had common hobbies, we liked to spend time together, we were close. Than he confessed he is in love wtih me. And I was like: "Oh f*ck, no!" He started to strive for dating with me and I didn't understand why we couldn't just be friends? It wasn't just one person, the "friendzone" was often thing in my life. It's terrible, I know... I have just lived my life and missed nothing. Just when somebody started to talk about relationships and "You don't have any boyfriend, why?" I just responded "I don't have. So what?" Romantic movies/stories are boring😁

I just said "I love to be single, I don't need relationships/sex in my life". Nobody believe me and they think I'm just "acting" and one time I'll meet a 'right man' and be happy with him (and live together, have sex, marry, have kids) ugh😑 Nothing changed. But I don't care. I'm happy the way I am and if somebody wants to wait something, okay...

Did you ever meet somebody who wanted to date with you to change your mind? Like: "I'll show you how beautiful is love, I'll make you happy..." etc?

Of course not. They just didn't know it. I thought aromantic people can't "be in love" with somebody. Maybe I'm wrong. Romantic people usually want to some "love person" and they're sad if don't have any. No, I didn't want to say that. I'm just confused about the attraction what I felt. I don't know if it was romantic/alterous/platonic/another? I don't know how to know it. Maybe you're right. Yes, you're right. I don't want to be in relationship anymore. It makes me unhappy just imagining it. Can I find the podcast on YouTube?

Because I was in love and relationships in the past. Maybe I just decided to be single. Maybe it's true, but aromantism and "defense mechanism" is not the same. Thank you :)

I was in relationship and never more. I love being single. It's freedom. My life is just about me (and my cat). When I imagine me in a relationship again, I feel sick. Be with somebody? Have a common home with him? Have a pledge? Adapt to it? No thanks!😇

I known somebody who was realy obsessed with me. It was my friend's friend and first we met in her home. In the first conversation he said he like me, I was scared. I told him I don't want relationship, just friend, but he didn't give up. He wrote to me messages every day and everytime. I openned Messenger and I had about 40 messages from him like: "Where are you? I want to talk with you"... He always wanted to come and see me, spend every time with me and always strive for "more". He acted like I was his girlfriend. He was jealous when I went out to meet my workmate. He always repeated "I could make you realy happy, you don't have to be scared." (I don't need somebody to make me happy, I make me happy). He wanted to move to my city to meet me more often. He couldn't understand I realy DON'T WANT to date with him... It was strange and terrible. It was relief when he gave up and left me alone. And he didn't move to my city, luckily...