Untamed Heart

I'm not sure if it's because I don't get out much in general, but I'm not bothered by Valentine's Day that much lol. If anything, I get things for certain friends/family, but otherwise it mainly goes over my head.

To be honest, I nearly did use that line when I broke up with my ex, and avoided doing so partly because of it being a cliche (even though it was true)  

TFW YOU'RE REPLYING TO SOMETHING ON A PREVIOUS PAGE AND LOOK STUPID BECAUSE OF IT  

I'm offended you're questioning corsola's true identity  

Like Sweeney Todd!  

Granted, you're now living in the Beast's castle and his talking furniture servants are making things awkward for you.

I wish I could sell my art pieces for good money.

I'd just say I'd prefer to have my life for myself right now and be my own boss. Rarely finding people romantically attractive doesn't stop me having other meaningful relationships, nor does it stop my life being fulfilling in general. There's also the fact that I struggle for no reason in romantic relationships anyway, and they just seem like a lot of hassle for little reward to me. I might change my mind one day, but that hinges on a statistically unlikely chance of me meeting someone truly compatible. Maybe I have already met someone like that, but "something" inside me flipped the switch to abort the bonding process? Who knows?!

You decide to try and work all your new ideas into the same book, and end up with a very lengthy novel that makes no sense at all.

I wish I could use up more of my knitting yarn stash.

Enraged unicorns rampage over politicians

GOLFY

Well, I don't think I've ever truly been in love, so most of my 'yes' answers are going to be generous lol, but I said yes to:

7, 13, 16, 22, 37, 39, 50 (more because in my last relationship at least, I felt like I was losing my autonomy, even though I'd lost  most of my feelings for him too), 59, 61, 64, 103 (again, similar reasons to Q 50) 122, 124, 143 (kinda), 169, 171 (once), 174, which makes my score 17. 

I KNOW, GREAT ISN'T IT?  

I think that's the problem I have with it - men and women aren't different species and if we grow hair somewhere, it's likely meant to be there.

I really hate it as well when dressing for comfort/wanting to be natural because of the issues mentioned in this thread is seen as laziness.

Also, I got told by a misogynistic "friend" I had years ago (OK, I did have a big crush on him and spent a lot of time with him because of that, but part of what finally turned me off him was realising he basically had no respect for women), that he liked women who "took care of themselves" - meaning wearing makeup and feminine clothes, not being too fat etc. Basically people willing to put more effort into themselves than he was   

I get that actual self care can help you be more attractive, but self care and getting dolled up specifically to attract a mate are two different things, even though they can go together.

I hate the idea of makeup (I have worn it a handful of times in my life, never 100% willingly, but NO MORE) and overly feminine clothing - what's really objectively wrong with girls/women wearing comfy Tshirts and jeans all the time? I admit I love the feminine goth type aesthetic, but it's just not practical for everyday wear and I hate people making comments about my clothes, unless they're trying to make conversation and not being a dick in the process.

Side note - when you live in trousers and wear a skirt once in a blue moon, and people who witness it say "now we can see your legs". Like, what? You can't see my legs when they're neatly partitioned by snug fitting fabric, but you can see them under this thing that reaches the floor and barely touches them at the sides? 

Also, a certain makeup ad I kept seeing over Christmas annoyed me a bit - "don't be embarrassed if you don't fit in the crowd" (just use our makeup to fit into said crowd instead of embracing a degree of non-conformity). 

I actually feel the same! Or at least, we should try and re-educate people so they don't put romance on such a high pedestal. 

I'm out as ace and grey-aro to a small group of people which consists of my ex, sister in law, two best friends and my mum's best friend, who took it fairly well. I'm not sure if mum would understand fully if I explained it to her, and I'm still wavering on whether to tell her or not. She is totally OK with me not wanting to get married/have kids though, but as far as she knows it's related more to me not wanting to risk ending up in a marriage like her and dad's (he's alcoholic - not like violent or anything, but he has put us through some major shit over the years. It's also a miracle he's even still alive. I tell him absolutely nothing about my life as we don't really have a father-daughter relationship anymore, despite still living under the same roof).

I confess I want to do the English thing of writing a sternly worded, open letter to everyone who thinks liths/aros/greys in general have commitment/daddy/whatever issues, to say that using "issues" as a blanket diagnosis is a massive cop out - I get some people do have issues that impact their romantic feelings, and that some people are confused, but there doesn't absolutely have to be anything deep and/or tragic behind someone feeling differently than the majority of people. Some people hate dogs, it doesn't mean they got bitten as a kid or whatever. Sometimes, a spade really is just a spade.

I have been looking into those things, and I can honestly say I don't feel my own discomfort in being in a relationship was caused by stuff that happened in the past. I have friends and family I'd do anything for, within reason - nobody said commitment had to necessarily be romantic in nature, but that's what everyone assumes when you say you're committed to someone.

Also, I know that when I'm worried or anxious about something, I can usually identify what it is I'm worried about, but when there's nothing wrong in a relationship and the guy is perfectly nice, I can't say why I feel the way I do, because there's no tangible cause.

I also confess I deactivated my Facebook account just after Christmas in a ragequit when A) one person on an aro post (replying to an aroace's comment) conflated just hugging in bed with foreplay, and B) some guy asked a woman who said she didn't want to get married if she actually wanted a future. Nobody said she couldn't make it alone!

TL:DR - I just feel a bit annoyed that people assume everyone "different" has issues (or is a liar covering up for something). 

I also confess I realise this seems to have turned into a rant thing that might belong more on some other page  oops  

1. When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you. Yes, though it still took a little while to fully accept it (I'm grey rather than fully aro)
2. Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself. Definitely  
3. When you discovered the concept of a “squish” suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you. No, I get crushes, but my romantic feelings come and go all the time
4. You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings. Not really
5. You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love. I've had crushes, probably only been in romantic love once though and it's been downhill since then
6. You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love.
7. You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction. What I thought was sexual attraction turned out to just be sensual/aesthetic attraction - I never knew the difference until recently, but it turned out I was a favourable ace.
8. You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs. I know crushes and love exist, but according to my exes I don't know what love actually "is" and never got any explanations when I asked, so? Right now I just think it's a neurological con job.
9. You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well. I don't mind it if it's actually essential to the plot and not shoehorned in. Otherwise it's just annoying, especially when it's unrealistic like "let's do romantic stuff just before the novel's antagonist comes to rip us to shreds"
10. You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend.
11. You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it.
12. You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on.
13. If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you. Not really. I don't think I'd feel comfortable with that even if I wasn't ace
14. You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings. Yes, though it only happens once in a blue moon lol
15. Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you. It doesn't really
16. You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love. True
17. You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love. True
18. You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them. In a way I do, but logically speaking, IMHO it's probably one of the worst things you can base a relationship on. 
19. Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them.
20. You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better. I have had a few but hardly ever found them comfortable
21. When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable. Yes
22. Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about. Yes
23. Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are. I've never really had any lovey-dovey relationships aside from my first, but I found I couldn't inject much of that into them, either
24. A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages. I rarely feel attracted to other people, and would only agree if I did feel the same way (but then I'd regret it anyway)
25. You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back. Yes
26. You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong. Yes
27. When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person. Yes
28. You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love. Yes, though I am still kind of asocial. Given the choice I'd rather have a new friend than partner, though.
29. You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them. I'd rather live by myself, maybe with a few pets if I could
30. You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date. Definitely
31. You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship. Yes
32. It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted. I'm totally fine being on my own
33. You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it. I can feel uncomfortable. Not totally oblivious but if it's subtle I prefer to just ignore it.
34. You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly. Not really
35. You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you. Once in a blue moon, but I'd rather it didn't happen
36. You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively. Yes, most of the time
37. When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you. Yes
38. When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend. Yes
39. The main benefit you get from a romantic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most. I've never really got anything out of a relationship that I couldn't get from friendship, aside from hugs, but I only like hugging people if I'm attracted to them anyway.
40. You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level. Yes
41. You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be. Yes
42. You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person. Not really, I'm not really very touchy-feely
43. You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship. If I ever wanted to date again and could pick, I guess I'd prefer that
44. You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out. True
45. The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you. Yes!
46. You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with. Not sure? Don't think I would really though.
47. You don’t enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you. Probably both
48. You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts. Yes
49. You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional. In most cases. Soap characters get on my nerves a hell of a lot in this context
50. You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone Yes. I like mentally planning weddings (non-traditional themed ones),  but if anyone gets married in those fantasies, it's always an unknown couple and never myself. 

Something I don't understand - why other girls are sometimes slightly annoyed when you don't like their (new) boyfriend. You'd think they'd be pleased! I remember one of my friends texting me about her new boyfriend, Jimbo, showed me a photo and asked what I thought of him. I just said, if you like him that's really what matters, isn't it?

(Mind you, it's probably my fault for half expecting a photo of Jimbo from the Simpsons, rather than someone who looked like the unfortunate offspring of a pizza and a potato...)

I've been in several, and I only really enjoyed the first one (maybe cos it was long distance and we were immature 17 year olds, more like passionate best friends. We only met once, but then I broke it off because I realised we couldn't have a future together. I do feel it wouldn't have lasted if we'd been able to date in person, though).

Since then, it's been slowly going downhill  my last relationship (the one that made me try and find out why I felt so awful being in relationships) was quite nice at first, at least when I wasn't going out of my mind with confusion and anxiety, but in the end I just ended up feeling really numb and trapped. I don't talk to him any more, but I do still think of him and wish we could have had a real relationship, rather than something so one sided.

On 12/30/2016 at 4:16 PM, Kai Pufflehugs IV said:

Oh no!

 

Good on you for finding the humour! I've find it pretty funny when people assume a romantic component to my friendships. According to my mum, me and @Bipolar Bear were apparently romantically involved with kids on the way for a bit a few months ago!

I feel like at this point, if I ever had kids and one of them kept bringing the same person round I'd assume they were just good friends  

Isn't there always someone betting on when the world will end, though? Which seems really stupid to me cos if it does, you can't spend the money you won from being (coincidentally) correct. 

I'm not sure if I mentioned this one, but girls saying I should wear makeup (in middle/high school, when they were basically made to wash it off if a teacher noticed anyway...) so I could "be pretty and get a boyfriend". My response was usually asking when they'd heard me complaining about not having one. 

I barely watch TV any more. I've been watching Youtube instead for god knows how many months. I can't always enough to watch every evening, but as I'm more in control of what I watch, it's more entertaining. 

Well, that does make sense so thanks for explaining  

I feel similarly to you about romantic relationships, even though I've had my fair share. I only really enjoyed my very first one, and it was still stressful (we weren't meant to be together in the first place due to his religion, and I was afraid I'd lose contact with him - no internet at home, being picked on for using the college computers to email him every day, then having barely enough money to buy credit for my phone - back in the days when texts cost about 12p each and mobile phone calls were worth a mortgage - and I'm really shy/easily intimidated). I've always ended up feeling trapped, numb and/or generally horrible and yet, even though I still like and prefer being single anyway, I can't 100% discount the possibility I might meet someone one day, and be magically totally OK having a romance with them. I just wouldn't bet any money on it happening lol!

1 minute ago, Louis Hypo said:

(en Français) "A life without love is like a year without summer,"

 

...fuck off

Well if you live in England, you're lucky if you get a summer in any given year anyway lmao so it doesn't make much difference to me, figuratively (and real lifely) speaking.

I consider myself a cis female but I don't have a clue why I do. I know I'm not overly "feminine" but I'm really not masculine, either. Though weirdly, I honestly don't care if people occasionally mistake me for a guy  I do find the whole "what is gender/why is it important to know?" discussion really interesting, though.