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Untamed Heart

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About Untamed Heart

  • Birthday 04/05/1983

Personal Information

  • Name
    Anne
  • Orientation
    Hetero, grey, lithro? Aroflux?
  • Gender
    Female
  • Pronouns
    She, her
  • Occupation
    Dirt removal person

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  1. Untamed Heart

    So, is there really no difference between just having gay thoughts as a straight person and having desires? I just posted it as a comment on a debate forum thingy and someone said they saw no difference. I didn't bother replying but I disagree - I definitely think they're separate things, but there is probably a varying degree of overlap for other people. I sometimes wonder how my life would have been different as a lesbian - would I have enjoyed being in relationships with women better? I don't have those innate romantic/sexual desires for other women, though, nor would I be open to 'trying something out' with someone willing to do that with me. I very rarely have romantic/sexual thoughts about men, but I do have those desires once in a blue moon, even if the "signals get scrambled" so I end up not knowing what I want at all any more.

    1. Momo

      Momo

      I'm ace, so take the following with a grain of salt.

       

      My take is that desire is what defines your orientation. As a sex-indifferent asexual, I do infrequently have sex. I live with an allo/allo who i'm very close with. If she wasn't allo/allo I'd probably consider her for a QPP, but she isn't and I know she needs more than I can give her, whatever she claims. Anyway, the point is - even though I do it, I don't desire it and don't particularly enjoy it. It isn't who I am. 

       

      Quote

      I sometimes wonder how my life would have been different as a lesbian

       

      I've had similar experiences (gay, since I'm male) as a younger person, before finding and settling into ace, and also wondering what my life would have been like if I was a female especially as relates to sex. I think this is probably actually pretty normal even if no one wants to talk about it. It's almost like wondering "well, what if I'd bought the red one instead of the blue one?" and then realising you're completely happy with the blue one. I think it's a healthy way of validating your own beliefs about yourself.

       

      In summary, what you *want*/*desire* is your orientation; what you think about is what you think about; what you do is what you do and doesn't affect your orientation.

    2. Untamed Heart

      Untamed Heart

      In summary, what you *want*/*desire* is your orientation; what you think about is what you think about; what you do is what you do and doesn't affect your orientation.

      Well, that is basically what I was thinking, and thanks for your reply :) it was really more of a rant about other people not being able to separate things like thoughts/feelings, because they're blatantly not one and the same ;) 

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