MulticulturalFarmer

19 hours ago, flowingleaves said:

damn if you liked it that much ill definitely play it! thanks for the rec!

What's the name of the game? 

On 11/21/2022 at 12:10 PM, Keith said:

The Sims 4, Subway Surfers, Hatsune Miku Colorful Stage & LitlleBigPlanet (1,2 and 3)

Want to compare scores or do something in subway surfers together sometime?

uh, maybe Carnival of Aros? But that's more related to specific situations/experiences involving aro people. 

https://carnivalofaros.wordpress.com

4 hours ago, rationalcucumber said:

It was translated from Chinese to English, but i think the translators did a great job of explaining foreign parts of culture and practices that otherwise we wouldn't understand. I have also read it in my native language, which was most likely translated from English, and i definitely noticed some inaccuracies, but that's to be expect from a translation of a translation.

What is your native language? Yeah I'm not too sure what the perception of aromanticism (or what the definition of that is) is in China or East Asian societies... admittedly I am very curious. Not sure if we have any users here on Arocalypse from that part of the world. 

1 hour ago, rationalcucumber said:

I'm reading in english, but what do you mean "mistranslation"? Mistranslation of what? sorry I'm a bit lost as to what you're referring to

Oh, I had just assumed it was translated from Chinese to English, that's all. Could have been a wrong assumption.

15 hours ago, whatistheromance said:

Chat-GPT is an amazingly accurate text generator that can get almost any prompt (it can't do innapropriate stuff or talk about weight) and come up with a great response. This is what it came up with when I asked it to explain why amatonormativity is unhealthy:

Amatonormativity is the belief that romantic love is the most important, or even the only, type of love that exists. It is the idea that everyone should strive to be in a romantic relationship and that being single is not a normal or desirable state. This belief can be harmful because it places a lot of pressure on people to find and maintain romantic relationships, and can lead to feelings of inadequacy or shame for those who are single.

One issue with amatonormativity is that it can lead people to feel like they are not living a fulfilling life if they are not in a romantic relationship. This can be especially damaging for people who are happy and content being single, or who are not interested in romantic relationships for any number of reasons.

Another problem with amatonormativity is that it can perpetuate harmful gender stereotypes. For example, it can reinforce the idea that men should be the ones to pursue romantic relationships, while women should be passive and wait to be pursued. This can be damaging for both men and women, as it can lead to unhealthy and unrealistic expectations about relationships and gender roles.

Overall, amatonormativity is a harmful and limiting belief that can have negative effects on people's mental health and well-being. It is important to recognize that there are many different types of love and relationships, and that it is okay to be single or to pursue non-romantic forms of love and connection.

For Chat-GPT aren't the responses programmed by the people who made the software as well? Or is it a bit more variable? 

On 1/4/2023 at 6:35 PM, hemogoblin said:

You volunteer for a month at a time (people get one month to respond to your prompt, so it's a month's commitment). It's not a regular position. You could volunteer for February and then never touch the Carnival again if you didn't want. The link I included in the first post contains more information. =)

I volunteer with running the Carnival.

Oh cool. And btw if we are interested or know someone who is, do we just write to "Carnival of Aros" wordpress or do we contact you? It's good to know for future reference :) 

10 hours ago, Atypique said:

This is so cool... In French I think they made them a girl... Or at least that's what I was thinking they were when I was a kid

 

Wait are you talking about Link or a different character? 

On 1/5/2023 at 6:04 PM, roboticanary said:

Its another article by Bella DePaulo

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/living-single/202212/the-thrill-of-going-to-holiday-parties-alone

I think this one is quite good, it talks about something I have been wondering about for a while, going to parties alone especially when most other people are partnered up.

I usually end up doing that because I'm not "cool" in a conventional way for my country; I've noticed that when I'm abroad though (I've only had the luxury to travel abroad only a few times though), I'm perceived more as cool, depending on the country of course. So I guess my having to go alone is mostly situational, I guess or just a result of only a few datapoints really.

Wait, are you reading this in English or Chinese? I figure in English it could be a mistranslation or lack of conveying certain cultural concepts perhaps? Just some food for thought.

Bewilderment? 

13 hours ago, hemogoblin said:

Pretty much! You propose a general, open-ended topic for people to respond to. Hosts usually ask some questions to help prompt/inspire people to respond. You can see some examples of previous calls here (Getting Old, Sentimentality, and Expression). Your post can really be as long or as short as you want. It's nice to include an explanation of what the Carnival is, what your topic is, and some ideas for how people may respond.

And that, the round-up, and notifying the Carnival of where you've posted the call for submissions/round-ups are it for the responsibilities! You can choose to help promote your topic throughout the month, but it's not required. Promotion is actually a part of my job, so you post on whatever platform works best for you, and I'll cross-post it in some other places for you to help get more responses.

Hosting seems kinda big and scary if you've never done it before, but it's pretty simple! It's purposefully designed that way to be welcoming to people with a variety of responsibilities/time commitments, experience with social media or other hosting events, etc. :) Ime, the hardest part is usually coming up with a topic or settling on just one idea!

Sounds good, could we participate just for one or two times and then relinquish our responsibilities? Btw, thanks for all the information.

What does it mean to have promotion part of your job? 

5 hours ago, nonmerci said:

Should I prepare my uncles funeral ? They already are old men so I guess early will come soon... Or already passed ? Anyway...

I don't really have advice, my parents are the only people I'm scared to come out. Sometimes I think that I would just let them know by a post on social media, or that I will just show up with an aromantic t-shirt or something like that. If you want to give them time to proceed all that before talking to them, a mail or sms saying this is your identity with some links they can read can be a good idea.

I have a similar problem, but I'm aro-demisexual or perhaps aro-pansexual, not sure how to categorize the thing exactly. I've tried to explain it to them but isn't worked out, my mom wonders if I feel love for people or not... so yeah. It's not working so well for me lol.

3 hours ago, hemogoblin said:

Hey, all -

If you frequent this section, you may be familiar with the Carnival of Aros, a monthly blogging event where aros can connect with other aros and talk about being aromantic. Hosting is really easy. It only takes about an hour at the beginning of the month and an hour at the end. At the beginning of the month, you pick a topic you want to hear other aros talk about. You post the topic and tell people how to reach you. At the end of the month, you make a post with all the responses that were submitted throughout the month. That's it! It's easy and a fun way to connect to the community.

And 2023 is totally open for hosts! We need volunteers! You can volunteer for whatever month you want. If you have a bit of time or think this might be a fun or interesting experience, please consider volunteering to host here: https://carnivalofaros.wordpress.com/volunteer-to-host/

So being a host just means that you ask a lot of questions to people, kinda like a talk show host and then wait for the answers? Are there any other responsibilities involved, or is what you wrote all-inclusive? Well, I guess it can't be too bad then.

10 hours ago, the more the merrier said:

@MulticulturalFarmer, I’m so sorry.

Five years of academic leave due to ill-health has sharpened loneliness beyond previous experience, and I’ve found it hard to think about my own loneliness for most of my life, so thank you very much for writing all of this - perhaps leading by example, if you don’t mind this idea, by sharing this with us here. Loneliness and its companions can have such a huge physical impact, so opening up as you do sounds so healthy.

When reading your words on shared interests, the idea of ‘cross-pollination’ comes to mind, and I wonder if it would suit you. With so many different passion and interests, the way another looks at the world, or their specific technical acumen, can lend such fresh perspectives to a question or to an idea, or introduce to you to new concepts which you can borrow metaphors or understanding from and trade insights from your favoured worlds in return.

On the other hand, knowing what delights you and wanting to share that is wondrous too, as you deep-dive into your element with others. Perhaps, in this vein, you might be the one to introduce someone to their next love (no-romo) and, even if a new friend doesn’t share your interests just yet, if they’re open to this and would like to learn more, perhaps, in time, you might share a whole heap of intellectual connections.

As one further small thing, I once heard the perspective that sharing “disposition is more important than shared interests”. At the time, I didn’t understand this at all, yet I think I’m beginning to (even if I disagree with the ’vs’ element of it). The above is fantastic, and melding as a team is golden. People can give each other so much, and this goes beyond all of this, scientific discipline and anything else that may differentiate us, preference-wise.

I wonder how you find being a friend to yourself, too. It sounds like you trust the choices you’ve made so far, yet our inner critic is a constant friend for many of us. I hope that we can relax into 2023 and towards being good to and for others. I, for one, would love to learn more about STEM and history (which are the best!) and I’d love to get (voice) penpal-ing!

@MulticulturalFarmer, I don’t know why I concentrated on one aspect when there’s so much to reflect on in your post. I can’t wait to read more thoughts from others about everything you’ve shared, whether that’s here or in future discussions about intersectionality!

I really appreciated your post @themorethemerrier. I'm not sure where to start. I will say though, that before we do voice-penpalling, do you mind if we can write via text on this website (it's that I am not a fan of verbally talking to people I don't know well right away, despite having dyslexia)? If so feel free to send me a personal message.

I'm still thinking of a response, it will take me awhile to respond to all of that; honestly I didn't expect such an extensive reply. I'm also on the dyslexia spectrum too, so that's possibly a factor. 

Regardless, take care and look forward to interacting more :) 

5 hours ago, Arden said:

Absolutely yes. I love book clubs. Like an aro (and other aro branches like aroace) specialised book club to get like book suggestions. Hell knows I need a lot of reading to catch up on all these years I thought I felt romantic attraction. DM me if you guys ever start one please 

I'm not sure if any of these books are available in the library but I guess I'll have to get an ebook or a physical copy shipped to me.. yay lol.

3 hours ago, ProbablyHuman said:

Hi. I usually go by Snek online, so please call me that. I'm male, and I'm aromantic, but not asexual. 

I like to read and play video games in my spare time. My favourite book is the Maze Runner, but I also really like the Hunger Games. My favourite game is The Stanley Parable, and I'm also a big fan of Undertale/Deltarune. I'm also thinking of writing a book of my own one day.

So, that's me in a nutshell, I guess. It's good to meet you all.

I could probably search this up, but I'll ask anyway, is there a new hunger games book out? I remember reading just the three novels when I was younger.

13 hours ago, -Veet-Voojagig said:

I keep losing my pens.

Personal question, but are you estonian? I looked up the names in your username.. and let's just say that I got curious.

7 hours ago, Storm_leopardcat said:

That is dumb. Why would anyone stop being friends with a person just because they were born intersex? Bruh?! 

That is an excellent level of ignorance. I am dumbfounded. Sheesh!
 

I am sorry you have had to deal with this, Multicultural Farmer. I hope you get to make good friends and acquaintances soon, to make up for the ones you lost and do not have, and to deal with your loneliness. You will get to make friends here, soon, do not forget you are among those who are like you!

Thanks @Storm_leopardcat.

Yeah it was my religious fundamentalist 'friend', who is a cisgender woman and her dad (to be fair her dad is the one who has inculcated the whole family with these dumb beliefs) who said that being around me after coming out as an intersex person means that they need to keep a barricade/distance from me and her. They believe in the segregation of genders (and think that gender = to sex) and since it's hard to categorize me there's no choice but for me to keep a distance both physically and in terms of friendship. I could mention which religion but I prefer not to do it on the forum, maybe I'll do it in DMs.

They have loosened up a bit, so I can at least give my friend a hug, but no more sleepovers and stuff. I was very forward about not really believing in religion, as I'm more agnostic and deist so I'm probably seen as a bad influence and my 'friend' can't really hang out with me much, though she kinda believes (at least a little) that I'm "bad" and "impure" for being born intersex, though I couldn't help it of course. We're never going to have the same level of closeness again though, sadly. And it sucks. It's really hard in my country to make friends when you're in your 20s and I face a lot of ethnic prejudices every day so outside of some old people I don't have a ton of friends.

Yeah I've been on Arocalypse since Dec. 31, 2020 lol and I just never used it much because I was obsessed with the idea of DMing people on reddit and penpal sites and using that to make friends, but it's a very inorganic way to make friends, not to mention many redditors are VERY VERY toxic and will ghost you if you have the slightest disagreement with them, and let's just say reddit is very homophobic, misogynistic, and all around prejudiced site (against Jews, Muslims, Asians). So it's probably for the best that the site didn't work out for me, though I went back a few times to chat again, due to extereme loneliness, and arocalypse used to be a lot less active. I should have investigated other sites but I was worried it would take a long time for people to start interacting with me closely. In 2023 I hope to use it much more and get closer to some people on here than I was in 2021 and 2022.

Though I'm not the target audience necessarily, reading feminist websites has helped a lot in unlearning some bad traits of mine and navigating a world that isn't created for intersex people like myself, especially with the variation that I have which is rare and often times fetishized and mocked. 

Other posters have address this already, but I'll add something new (and this just based on my personal experience, it may or may not be applicable to you as I dealt with this for a very long time): Find out another way to deal with loneliness, whether it's through friends, family, volunteering, hobbies, etc. often times, people yearn for romantic relationships when they are lacking sufficient social support. The other thing is a lack of direction in one's life, find out what really makes you tick, why your reason is for existing, and how to deal with the need for social stimulation and support (okay, that was a bit of rephrasing). This really varies from person to person and I think the answers to that lie within you. 

Well, I'm called multiculturalfarmer simply because I'm in the agriculture field (at least part time) but we are in fact in an area with many languages, cultures, religions despite being in a very rural area. 

Hi there everyone. This is a rant, and I hope that some people can relate. I can't seem to make friends online, especially on penpal sites and reddit. I can't make many IRL because I'm stuck in one of those backwards rural areas at the moment (though I previously lived in a major urban area the first time I tried college), and a lot of people are just standoffish to me in general due to perceived androgynous-ness (due to being intersex) and my ethnic background.  I have lived in better rural areas but this one sucks, but I gotta be here for financial reasons (aka job loss). I'd like to have a QPR that involves sexual relations, but I'm okay with close friendships or QPRs without sex too. 

Eh, I'm sure my personality could be better and I could be better off at talking to people about more 'common interests' for people in their 20s like going to bars, dancing, pop music, etc. (there's not much of that here, but starting a new job in 2023 could at least help me to get to the bars and restaurants that have things going on but there's only two of those). I tend to only like intellectual topics as my personal interests, some outdoor activities, and I'm trying to get back into sports. 

But even online I guess because of the lack of shared activities (even in the virtual world), especially on penpal websites, it's hard to make long term friends and keep conversations going, because I think the barrier to having shared experiences is a lot higher. So I'm grateful to forums like this where I guess you can make conversation and acquaintances a bit more organically as opposed to "I would like someone to talk to about xyz interest and let’s hope we get along”

Oh, and I lost a lot of my religious friends after coming out as non-religious and intersex. Granted I was younger and a bit "in your face" about the non-religious thing, but the intersex thing was definitely a factor too.  I also have had to cut out many so-called acquaintances/friends that I made IRL while traveling who didn't really hit me up to talk or never really responded to messages. Previously I would have just tried to talk to them anyway, but I’m at the point where if someone doesn’t make an effort to converse with me regularly (and i dont want things to be one-sided cause so many interactions with people are that way) or accommodate my health issues or disabilities I don’t want to engage with them either. 

There were a few people I did make acquaintances/friends with the first time I tried college and did a summer of studying abroad, but, admittedly it was a dealbreaker that I always had to write messages and didn't get to talk verbally (the other person was not interested in that), cause, ugh, dyslexia is an irritating condition for sure. 

So I guess the conclusion of this is that I could be better with friends and the like, I have made some mistakes (like what I mentioned earlier), but also that there were some times when people talked to me but I used to, when I was slightly younger, only want to have friends that also had STEM and/or history as their absolute biggest interest and if people with other interests talked to me I wouldn’t talk to them much unless we saw each other in person. So yeah, could be that my desire to have friendships in a particular way limited me, though I'm sure being different as a result of my identities is another factor.

One such person was this nice lady I met in the university’s “diversity” center but I didn’t talk much with her because of the lack of interests, and that was probably my fault, because we got along on a personality and accommodating each other’s differences type of level. I'm also sure that possibly being autistic doesn't help my situation either.

Well, I learned today that some engineering physics degrees are accredited in North America, at least the ones that have a certain number of engineering classes in them. Oh, and only a limited number of American programs are accredited, though nearly all Canadian programs are.

Hm, what else? I learned a lot about how well chromebooks can work considering the low price you pay for them (that is if you just need a computer just for surfing the web and sending emails).

I've been watching the BBC show "Call the Midwife" and learnt a lot about midwifery and public health in 1950s and 1960s England. 

5 hours ago, The Gray Warlock said:

Anything by Robert E. Howard. Never any romance in his stories. Instead, especially in his Conan tales, there is a recurring underlying theme of the vulnerable and facadic nature of civilization. That savagery and barbarism are the true nature of mankind, and however lofty a society is built, its people are destined to revert to a primal state of being when it is no longer sustainable, or when its tenets are no longer enforceable.

Sounds a lot like the survivalist novels that I've read about before, that talk about the true nature of human beings. For example, there's books like One Second After. Not to mention there are also farmers and people who spend extensive time in the "wild" who talk about such things (people who are assigned to hunt deer).

7 minutes ago, Nix said:

@MulticulturalFarmer suggested starting a book reading club so why not see how many people would be interested? The idea is that we pick a book with an aromantic theme, read it and then discuss after everyone had had a chance to read it.

For the first book I want to suggest this one: (Marisa Franco: Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — And Keep — Friends.)  As posted by @Holmboin this topic: 

 

Oh later on today I could possibly make a Google poll for it, no guarantees as I've got a few education and job related things to take care of today, but possibly later this week? Or if someone else wants to handle it that's fine too.

6 hours ago, Nix said:

You mean specifically for aro related books? As in, we choose a book to read (for example the one mentioned above) and then after a week or so we discuss it?

Sure, and some people have listed books already so it wouldn't be too hard to get started, I think.