Blake

My band that was love at first listen was Bring Me The Horizon. The song was Hospital for the Souls. I loved every song of that album, Sempiternal. I would love to explore new places, to go hiking fro a whole weekend with my friends and just chill, and shall put them on plans when this pandemic is over.

10 hours ago, Alin said:

Looking at the ocean, being on a boat, swimming, diving.

Cooking, trying out new recipes or ingredients, eating home-cooked food, drinking tea/coffee/juice/... while sitting on the balcony, having breakfast alone before my family gets up, having some really nice hot (or in summer) bevarage when I'm going somewhere and decide to have a small break in a café on the way.

I love looking at the ocean, but not on the beach, from a high point where the walls are high and you can hear the crashing of the waves. I haven't dived per se, only have swam to the seafloor a few times about 15 ft or so cuz I have good lungs.

I do baking ^^ mostly brownies and cookies. And I love coffee so I can relate to have a goof cup of coffee with breakfast alone ^^. When the pandemic is over I am going to visit coffee shops around where I live to taste them all.

Hey there, well your situation is kinda similar to what I experienced in my past relationship. What I can tell you is that the convo should happen. Steps? First sit them down, and have something to drink. Look at their eyes and start saying what you are feeling, what you have felt and how you have felt it. Look up what is your label and explain it to them. You have to be sincere, but you should expect tears, and your partner will most probably feel betrayed. This is not your fault, you cannot control how you feel, keep it in mind. Let them know that you are there for the long run, but the rules have changed mid way and now both have to deal with the new rules (you being aro-spec). It is not your fault, you discovered something about you and you want to keep your partner up to date. Talk it out, and try to find a happy medium, don't do anything you do not feel comfy, but understand that your partner also is a person and don't expect that they will accept everything from the get go. It will take time, and a lot of effort but it can be done if you want it. Hope it helps, cheers.

On 7/16/2020 at 1:25 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

oh yes. do you have a particular favourite/recommendation? 

I was in and out of hospital a few times last month with pains (still slightly mysterious though I have a diagnosis, but the doctors followed it with a few question marks, so is it a diagnosis if it is a Diagnosis???) and the only thing better than their hospital painkillers was covering my belly with Goanna balm and hopping on a treadmill. 

When I get sunburned I use Aloe vera It is I think a brand. Makes me feel really good, and it is in any pharmacy, at least form the east coast of US.

3 hours ago, DeltaV said:

Still the original question was about close friends who have sex, and I really don't have ever heard of that.

The topic is very sensitive and honest information isn't easy to get.

Still, people straight-forwardly told me about non-serious flings and basically booty-call relationships.

True there I got sidetracked. Well I don't know anyone who is in this situation but I want to believe it may be more common than we think. Just that it not a theme that is out so easily in a convo. That requires a lot of trust to speak about your sexual life with a friend. Also, the definition of a close friend varies from people to people. A close friend for me is someone I would give my liver for, nothing less than that. The problem is that from what I have read here, people tend to develop romantic feelings after a while, which brings to question the time lapse from the question. Just how much can a relationship last between someone in the aro-spec and someone who isn't there and that person who isn't aro-spec doesn't develop romantic feelings. Cuz I am interpreting it that the close friend isn't inside the spectrum. (I don't know anyone who is aro-spec irl)

It depends of the culture, at least that is what I think. If you where raised in a very religious environment from an early age, then you are more likely to view fwb and fuck buddies as something bad. Which isn't the case ofc, it is just two persons sharing their time to do activities, and one of those activities is sex, but it can include go to eat together, beaches, coffee dates (which are my faves). If you where raised in a less strict environment, more open minded, then you may see fwb very differently.

It all falls to what kind of feed you where given, and if you where not taught to question what you are told. If you think outside what society tells you, and follow what you think is the right choice, then you will see that you have choices. Sadly, not everyone has the luxury to stand up and give their opinion, without risking exposing themselves to a dangerous situation.

So yeah, maybe in US is less common to see a fwb than it is in Germany or Australia. but it is linked to a social environment, and the tolerance of society in that place. Personally, i am looking for one, but the pandemic is making it impossible, so I will have to wait till we can have a social life again to start the search. And then, find that person who doesn't want romance (which will be hard but I ain't giving up easily).

Hi! welcome there mate. Glad you decided to join this forum. and also glad you found someone that wants the same as you ^^ that is pleasant to read. You can rant all you want, it is your choice to rant, since then you may find others who feel the same and then share ideals. Now, take this coffee as token of welcome (insert tasty coffee and key lime pie as bonus)

Cold showers are amazing. Even more on summer, and I loooove my pyjamas. Since I am currently working from my house, my pjs became my work clothes and no shame in them. I feel more productive in my onsie that I have ever felt in any other kind of clothes. ^^ so I can sympathize with that moment when you just let everything fall from you and just go take a shower and then netflix or the bed.

3 hours ago, Holmbo said:

The pleasure you mentioned @Blake was not what I expected. But it reminded me of one of my own small pleasures. Picking my teeth. I have these teeth sticks, they're flat not round like tooth picks. And I use them every morning and evening. It's so satisfying, I get lots of little food bits of and it feels good against my gums. I'd encourage everyone to get into this habit. At first your gums might  bleed and hurt, because they have inflammation, but after a week or so of getting cleaned regularly they will get better. That's the end of my PSA ?

This reminds me of something a friend of mine does. He is always chewing something, always. The only time he isn't chewing is when he is sleeping, and when I asked him, he told me it is his mode to relax. ^^ We all have our little things that makes us happier, even tho it isn't seen as something important.

4 hours ago, ObliviousPineapple said:

I like cooking, listening to music I like (TMBG, Alex Lahey, The Go! Team, Sleater-Kinney, things like that), cuddling with friends, and all sorts of games (my favorites are strategy/logic/word ones).

I love strategy games. Age of Empires 2, chess, and clash of clans ^^ My selection of music is all over the place.

Hey there, so help you need? Well let me try and give some. First comes you, and then comes the rest of the world. You cannot live for someone, you can only live for yourself. You cannot control what people feel, but it is in your right to say not if the new Term of Service (ToS) changes. You went in cuz it was said to be platonic, then it changed. So you should not feel bad to say this isn't what I signed up for. An example to make my point is that you signed up in your job to be a cashier, but the second day they give you a knife and say you are the new butcher. If you do not feel comfy, you can say no. Ik it is kinda hard, me speaking as an introverted with anxiety, but if you do not put up boundaries, it is bound to bite you later on the road. 

Your intention is not to make people feel bad. But you are not their therapist either, if your partner has some kind of illness, a doctor is the one that can help, not you. Your job is not to save people, it is to be in a mutually happy relationship. 

For the other one, the one that now is presenting as a romantic relationship, you should make the boundary clear too. If you like cuddles, the yay. If you don't like kisses, then nay. Just cuz your partner is changing the ToS, doesn't mean you have to accept them.

This is my personal experience, but it may help you. I went in a relationship thinking A. My partner knew that, but along the way it developed into something that I wasn't comfy. And I said nothing. Time flew past and my partner, thinking I agreed to the new ToS cuz I did not say the contrary, went in deeper. And because I wasn't putting boundaries, I ended up hurting them more than if I said something from the beggining. It was my fault not to speak first, but it is not my fault the feelings that my partner felt after it blew up, cuz those I cannot control. I put the boundary and that's it. If the ToS isn't agreed by both parties, the service is cancelled. And I use ToS because it is a simpler way of explaining. It is not by any means the perfect way, but it is more physical to grasp.

Hey there mate! First, hi ^^ hbd and welcome. Ok so you are not alone in this. Your feelings are as valid as mine. I cannot put you a label cuz that is up to you. What I can do is help you understand your situation and what it can mean.

So you may be in the aro-spec. This means that you may be aromantic, lithromantic, demi, etc. In the AUREA website you can find all the terms. From what you told, i would look up lithromantic and cupioromantic to have a north and from there take your ship toward the voyage of self-discovery. That is my tip for you.

Now, another thing that i saw as important is to take a break from dating to get to know yourself better ^^ (woot woot). I know is not very easy to want something but not being able to go get it. You are not alone in this, you now have an entire website full of people who are all over the world and we all have different experiences and we can help each other out however we can. So yeah, like you said, you are not missing out on whatever allos are doing. You are you, and that is what matters. 

Also, cherish you friends, and try to find people who you feel comfy to hang out. They do not have to represent a potential partner, just friends who have your back when you fall down and care for your mental/emotional health as much as physical one ( I say this cuz the ones that wrote you aftsr your breakup didn't sound much as friends but more as piranhas). I have friends and i have friends. The first one are the ones I like, the latter are the ones I would give my liver if they need one. ^^ finding the latter is kinda hard, but it makes you time with them fulfilling and meaningful. Cheers mate and may you find what you are looking for.

Found this little gem. So not a direct canon neither headcannon. But worthy nevertheless.

45 minutes ago, nonmerci said:

I also enjoy some video games, but my father says it's for little kid and I should grow up. I'd like to see him win Fire emblem Fates Conquest in the hardest mode. Then we'll talk.

^ This is so true. After being rly angry with myself and lots of days later I got through it. I like a challenge, but sometimes the challenge wants me to suffer. And for musicals, the Percy Jackson one I heard is quite good, the music and the story.

4 hours ago, Oatpunk said:

Damn, it's just you and me, Blake. Alone in the arocalypse! 

Also, yes, you will cry! A lot! But it's a nice cry. A cathartic cry. 

:3 then lookng forward to it. Also yeah, sometimes we alone, but I like that we can come here each day and find new things.

5 hours ago, AroThroughMyHeart said:

I really enjoy the calm moments in life when you are not needed to do everything. Things like being up in the middle of the night when you're allowed to do whatever you want alone, reading, just listening to music in your room etc. The world is so fast and we always have the next thing to do that I just absolutely love those calm moments

Love your profile pic. and indeed those moments are beautiful. I would love to have them once per month tho ^^ no more than that. As someone who has insomnia I can tell you that sometimes you only want to sleep some nights. But I agree with you that the world want us to do everything faster. To maximize time. So when you can take it slow, relax and enjoy a good cup of cofee/chocolate and a good reading, it is blissful.

6 minutes ago, Oatpunk said:

A 6000 feet tall aromantic fire squid demon and a nonbinary AI adopts a group of humans in order to save them from an eternity of penis bees. 

  Reveal hidden contents

The good place

 

Yassssss. I don't want to see the season finale because i know I will cry and then I won't have a series to pick me up

1 hour ago, Oatpunk said:

I also think cleaning my ears feels nice, so you're not alone there. It's probably because the skin in the ears is so sensitive? 

Once I knew the answer, but now i do not. But that feeling is so amazing for me that I love it each day with the same intensity.

2 hours ago, Confusedc said:

When reading all about aromantisism and reading people stories on how they discovered out that the orientation fit them well. The majority of people said that when the realised it was like something clicked, they were happy and finally knew who they were, they felt less alone and that they felt completely comfortable and ok with this being their orientation. Is this how you all felt when you realised you were aro?

For me it wasn't a click click. I was looking at pinterest boards and there was an aroace comic strip and it mentioned aromantic. Got curious and looked it up and each word of the AUREA definition was a fit. And I said: "ohhhhhhh so I am not broken!, yay". And then found this website and started to read the threads and become more informed. So yeah, it was like the road was foggy and suddenly the fog became thinner and thinner until it dissipated. And yes, I was really happy. I still am, but saying that it is always joy would be false. There are times I long to have a meaningful relationship with someone, even though I have friends who support me 100%. The feeling that your friends will someday go and find a special someone and you will be left behind like a last potato chip in is real. But don't let a single emotion dictate your entire future. Enjoy the present and who you are, first we have to be as whole as possible before even starting to work on the world.

2 hours ago, Confusedc said:

Also, when I've been reading alot about aro/aces I've had the question bouncing around in my head that if you have not felt any sort of romantic/sexual feelings by a certain age does this mean you never will? I know that may sound naive as I know you cant control your emotions but as a general consensus of people who identify with the orientation? Has their ever been anyone who identified as aro/ace but later on their orientation changed?

Everyone grows at their own pace. Comparing a rich boy from California with a middle class boy from Istanbul is hard. The way the both are raised is different. What they eat/do/see is totally different. Maybe the rich boy throws parties each weekday, while the middle class boy barely has time to eat. At age 9, both of those boys will have different experiences, and so will they see things from a different perspective. But to ask your question, yes, there are persons who started with being orientation A and changed to orientation B. The reasons are their own, maybe they felt more identified with B than A and changed. Maybe they are experimenting, but that it can change, it does. Sexuality is fluid, it is not a straight binary, think like it as a painting. A bit of orange here, and touch of gray here and a whole lot of purple over there.

Glad to help. have a wonderful day/night/existence

11 hours ago, Oatpunk said:

When this person I had been seeing declared that they were falling in love with me, I was like "oh shit, but I really like them so maybe if they just gave me some fucking time and don't go so fucking fast I can fall in love with them too." So I ended up stringing the poor person along until they were in love with me and that's when I decided to end things for both our sakes and it was a mess. 

I passed through a similar experience and like yours, it was messy. But we learned ^^ now we know better and that is what matters. First one's peace of mind and health and then the others.

8 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

 

Quick question :3 how do you put that emoji? i have tried looking it up in the emojis but nothing appears. ^^ i love it but can't make it.

Hello Oatpunk ^^ Welcome and hope you have a nicer experience here. Take this (insert tasty coffee and key lime pie) They are my comfort food so hope you enjoy them, if not then imagine your fave food ^^. Hope you can feel comfy here. Cheers.

Ok, ok. First, hello there. ^^ Now to the topic, labels are meant to be used to make it easier for your brain to understand a topic. If you feel like you are inside a label, then use it. If you want to change labels midway it is also ok. Sexuality is messy at best, it is fluid like water, yes, but it can be also unmoving like a rock. Ex. I am aromantic and pansexual. Before I thought I was bisexual, but that changed and now I am pansexual and I am sure that it won't change again. So yes, sexuality is fluid until the point that you are satisfied with what you are experiencing and choose that label. Maybe it will change in the future, but that is up to your future self to work out. Concentrate in your present self.

Having fantasies of being in a relationship and actually being in a relationship are two different things. It is ok if you don't want to be in a relationship, or some if you do not want some of the elements of the relationship. Think in all the things that you would want to do with that other person. If you feel that you want that, then go ahead and experiment. There is nothing wrong with that, just give that other person the heads up that you are experimenting and that maybe it will work out or maybe not, but you are giving it a try. The amount of crushes or the time lapse between them is by no means an indicative that relationships may work out. It is just a number that you have of the amount of times that you have seen someone and went "wow my feelings/emotions are all over the place".

Now to the sentence that caught my interest:

On 6/29/2020 at 12:57 PM, Guest I am confusion said:

Could I have lost the ability to feel romantic attraction and “turn” aro/cupio because sexuality is fluid? 

You could lost the ability to feel certain attractions, but that would mean that your body is actively blocking certain emotions to protect you from reviving a traumatic event. Ex. A dog bit you and from that trauma now you cannot be near dogs (aka PTSD). Aside from that, it is my understanding that sexuality being fluid doesn't mix with being aro/cupio. I am aromantic and always have been. That I did not know it before doesn't change the fact that I have never felt romantic attraction nor that in the future there is 99.99% chance that I won't feel that specific type of attraction. And if I do? Well that is up to future me to decide, cuz 0.01% is also a chance, but does it keeps me up at night? Hell no, cuz I am happy being aro. The realization of me being aro was one of the few times in life that I can say with absolute certainty that it lifted an invisible weight from me. Cuz there was a label for me and I wasn't the only one that experienced x, y, z. It brought happiness, and maybe it brings some things like problems with finding a parther to share my life, but that is in the future. I wanna live the present and enjoy it. ^^ Hope it could help you mate.

I usually ship in fiction when it is obvious that there is chemistry between the pair. (Ex. Dean-Castiel cuz it is just there the connection between both). I don't like real life shipping cuz I think that people are not toys to play with and thus making a ship between real people seems like playing. The only shipping I believe 100% is me with coffee tbh, other than that it is up to interpretation of the actions between the two or more inside the ship.

Before identifying as aro, I think I believed in Love at First Sight, even though it seemed weird. Now I do not believe that and kinda repulsed by the idea of it cuz I see it as unreal at best. People choose to fall in love, the do not fall in it, cuz the concept of falling is like a mistep, a mistake.

Lastly, my vision of otp and ships change when I finished watching on netflix sense 8, since the description made there (no spoilers) is what I would believe should happen.