Blake

My movie where the romantic plot felt pure weird was Brother Bears 2. It was plain weird for me to have to watch because (the spoiler is about the movie and my opinion of it):

So trying to sell me the idea that he got a romantic attraction toward the female was just plain nop for me. This doesn't include the fact that he was putting romantic love about platonic love, which is another topic that I did not as a kid understood but present me now is dissecting.

I was in a relationship before and there was some kind of satisfaction from both parties. However, they where allo-allo and I had not discovered myself as aroace. So eventually, since I did not know I was aroace, I was seen as heartless, cold and it lead to a breakup. The satisfaction from my part is that I was with someone who I could be honest with, but it was short-lived since the more I shared of me, the distant they where to me. The relationship for me was as super best friend however for them it was a romantic/sexual relationship and I did not know we both had different views of the same relationship. The joy/satisfaction I took from the relationship wasn't romantic, it was of sharing time with a friend. For them, it was romantic but for me no. Hope that answered your question. After the breakup I began questioning my identity and eventually I discovered I was aro, and then ace ^^ and here I am.

Hello anon, I am no counselor so I can only give you my opinion as someone who has experienced being a relationship once in my lifetime. What I think you can do is indeed communicate with Jane and be honest. Communication is important in any kind of relationship and if you think that there is a problem or you feel that something is off or you do not like, you should express it to her. If you are ok with talking on and off through the week, then there is nothing wrong with that, but if you want more communication, let her know that you want that. If she is ok with the kind of relationship you are having, being texting maybe once a day, and she is telling you that she is happy then trust her (I like to give the benefit of doubt until proven otherwise).

Now what I am sensing is that you think there is something wrong because you speak more with your best friend than with her. I can tell you that it is completely fine if that is the case, Jane is part of your life (if you want to) but you have a life separate of her, so do not feel bad about speaking more to your friends than to her. I like to have convos on-off through the week and not only one long convo, but that is me. I like to communicate with as little words as possible and be concise, maybe she does too, you can ask her. We are not everyone the same, we have different upbringings and different ways to express ourselves. I do with shorts convos, maybe you like long ones, and that is ok. The important thing is to communicate, and if you don't want to be in a relationship or you think you will get nowhere, then break up and continue with your life. Remember that if you are aro/ace, being with an allo (if she is) will bring situations that otherwise wouldn't come (example is sex; hand holding; kissing; etc) you need to put rules and boundaries, both are not signs of being manipulative nor being a bad person, is just wanting something for you and enjoying things in a healthy way. Do not do anything you don't wanna do. ^^ hope I could be of help.

Hello there ^^ I too am an introverted hermit at the moment. If you like the solitary life then live it at its fullest, and my perspective on being aro is that I enjoy it cuz it is what I am and is something that no one will be able to change nor steal from me. Being aro means that I criticize romantic subplots and just say "leave his/her ass" to the protags. Here here to a great day/existence.

Hey there ^^ welcome and may you have a great time here. Yeah, allos sometimes have a hard time conceptualizing the meanings of ace and aro identities. I had a hard time too, discovering things about me and putting them names and looking the answers of why I felt or didn't felt things. Hope you can connect with lots of people and as far as cake-culture, I would say that it is a shared trait here ^^ (personally for me is cake/ key lime pie). As far as symbols, if you are looking for aro pride symbols to wear, a white ring in left middle finger is something aros do. The colors green I think aro a symbol too, and dragons (just like aces) ^^. Have a great existence

Oh yes, though I don't have it so bad because I don't divulge anything about my personal life to family members. I only get the ocassional " You need to look for a partner/ get married" but nothing beyond that for now. Thanks and may we both (and all here) find what we want to find ^^

2 minutes ago, DivineCyst said:

Sorry for using it so much. 

No no, it is completely fine if you both know and are comfortable with it. I was giving an example of a bad situation since where I am, Puerto Rico, queer people in general are called gay, faggots and other mean words on purpose by hetero people. So even though my culture uses it with a bad connotation, I know it is not the case for everyone. By all means if you like it, or your friends like it or helps you pass then use it. ^^ did not mean to impose anything, we all are free to choose.

1 minute ago, DivineCyst said:

I totally agree with you about that. Hilariously, the only reason I'm really questioning now, because before I was focused on figuring out where on the aro spectrum i was, is because my friends keep calling me gay lol. i say no but then my best friend hugs me so it contradicts :/ but that's life. now im thinking about it.

no offense to anyone.

Maybe your friends don't know all terms (I always give the benefit of doubt). Since "gay" is used by heteros (mostly) as an umbrella term and not as a specific name. Also, for me, the term is used as an insult so I don't like it at all. Is up to you in trying to educate people or just ignoring them altogether and they usually stop. But if you feel uncomfy with the term you can always ask them to drop it. ^^ 

2 minutes ago, DivineCyst said:

I had discovered aromanticism through asexuality but i had definitely labeled myself as aro before ace so now im questioning lol.

Yeah, I want to not question who I am but it is what it is, heteronormativity and family issues are my main reason. Society holds romance and sex as top priority and taking away that notion takes time when it was everything that I heard from early age.

I discovered aromanticism through asexuality, however I first labeled myself aromantic before taking the label of asexual. For me, being aro was a solid thought and I did not question it a lot. However, before using the ace label, I was using the pansexual one and changing from pan to ace ha been quite an experience for me because I question myself each day. I know deep down that all my experiences relating to gender, sexuality and romance can be explained through the aro label. But that leaves me questioning my ace identity (is personal thing and does not pertain your qestion ^^). So yh, aro label I embraced it from the start, ace label is giving me more work.

Idk if someone has mentioned it, but for me Reyna Ramirez Arellano from Percy Jackson series. Everything about her screamed demiromantic to me. The author confirmed her to be an ace character in July 3 2020, however I headcanon it as an demi cuz she wanted to have a relationship with Jason after knowing him for quite some time. :3 maybe it is me but (spoiler of story)

^^ so yh welcome to my tedtalk and hope you enjoyed it

My advice is to be honest with him. If you feel that things are moving too fast, tell him to slow down because you want to take it slow. Tell him the truth, that maybe you are not so into him to be in a relationship. If you are feeling uncomfortable then tell him that. It is important to know yourself first, why are you uncomfortable, the situation you are or the person? Is it because he has developed feelings and you may not? Do you want to be in a relationship or not. It is completely fine to not want a relationship, there are more ways to show affection than being with someone. If you need more help, you can ask me in dm ^^ but overall honesty is the best friend.

I feel far more comfy in aro spaces, the reason being that my aro label feels more relevant to me. allo aces may still like or want romantic relationships, which I do not want.

Hey, well I can help you in some way (I think). Romantic attraction: I would date you; sexual attraction: I would bang you; aesthethic attraction: I would look at you all day; platonic attraction: I would be friends with you. Now, a lot of people here have trouble identifying which is which for the reason that some don't experience one or more than one, so is like asking a blind person to describe the color blue when they have never seen it (experience it).

The best we can do is guess and make educated guesses based on collective experiences. You can be aroflux, demi or grey. I don't know your past experiences or if you ever been in a relationship or not. If you have been in a relationship and did not feel anything, maybe aromantic. If you did not feel anything after a connection has been done with that partner. Ask yourself what you felt in X scenario. Divide the situation and try to categorize it in the different attractions. If you ever have doubts, just ask ^^. Also I would add that there is a difference between you actively choosing to fall for someone based on a trait or it was involuntary. Hope I could be of help.

Hello anon, I concur with what nonmerci said. Also, you could be demiromantic, idk if you ever had a relationship or not so I can't say. If you want to search by yourself you can go here. Even though you may not feel romantic attraction, there are more kind if attractions and all can be equally fullfilling. ^^ hope it helps

Glad you found this place. They gave you cake, so I will give you some coffee and a key lime pie (insert tasty coffee and a slice of key lime pie). ^^ any questions feel free to ask or make threads. Hope you feel comfy and safe here

8 strangers have a connection and are persecuted for it

Hello there mate ^^

I love to read and like marvel movies too. Glad that you discovered your identity and super excited that you embrace you identity too ^^ (weird as it sounds but I get happy when people are happy). May you get what you want from this forum and your existence.

I ain't out per se to anyone but my best friend. The rest of my friends have questions about what the hell I am but they don't ask so I don't say. If i trust the person I will tell i am aro but if not I say that they do their best guess. For my sexuality only 1 person know the update on it and I like it that way. (I thought I was pansexual but maybe I'm not and I am processing it for now)

It depends from person to person. While it can overlap for some people, they are different. One is a behavioral response toward something, be it a person or a situation. Being aromantic is not a behavioral response, it is that we are as being and we can't change it anymore than we can't choose to have an extra limb. 

You can have an avoidant attachment because of fear of what comes next, and yes being aromantic can influence that, but it doesn't mean that it will always be the case.

A case scenario would be to have an avoidant attachment because you fear that it will develop to a relationship and you don't want it to happen so your behavior is to distance yourself from the situation/person in hopes it doesn't happen. It is a simple example and it is more complex but yh, hope it helps you.

Aromantic since I knew of the term. And I am somewhere in the ace but not 100% sure where exactly.

I was 23 when I first identified as aro, 24 when I discovered that I may be in the ace spectrum, tho again, not sure where.

Hope you can get the data you need even if its informal.

Hello there, you can lurk all you want, we are all lurking in life. I love to write and I began playing games again and reading mangas. You can geek all you want about biology ^^ I love biology, not so much chemistry and physics I like it at 6 ft apart. I will be an conservation ecologist so biology is what I love. Anyways, welcome and may you get what you want from this forum.

A Nintendo Switch without controllers

Hey there ^^, so let's start with a base. Like many here, I struggle with the concept of attraction. However, I can help you. What I think romantic attraction is like an urge to do romantic coded actions toward a person or a group of persons with specific characteristics. You mentioned that you like some romantic gestures, maybe not all. But you don't like being in a relationship.

Ask yourself, would it make a difference if its a specific person that you imagine yourself doing the romantic gestures, or can it be anyone? Do you think that you would feel uncomfortable in any relationship regardless of how much you know the person? If you know the person very well, would you consider that you would not be uncomfortable with that person? Also, would you be in a relationship if it was established that no romance will occur from the start?

Heteronormativity and amatonormativity play a role here too. Do you feel attracted toward a specific trait of the person? Someone helped me by asking if I was unconsciously making myself feel attracted to a person because of their intelligence (a trait in particular) and not because I was attracted toward the person. Not all questions are equally important but they can help you get to know you better and find the answer within you. I can't say what is your romantic attraction, but if you dig here it may help you. Hope I could be of help and lots of good vibes.

On 11/27/2020 at 2:48 PM, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

I'm Hispanic and white as well, but I'm not mixed at all. Mom's family is 100% Puerto Rican, 100% white. I feel like a lot of people equate "hispanic" with like, chicano stereotypes or something and then get surprised when not all Hispanic folks look a certain way, lmao

I am Puerto Rican too. Hello to all latine people here too. Though my father isn't from Puerto Rico but he identifies as one so we all go for it. Wow I am happy to find that I am not alone on being aro and hispanic. And the prejudice that all latine are very sexual and romantic.