Blake

False, I am a mess with chopsticks but I always try to eat sushi with them

TPBM has touched a snake before or want to touch one

This is kinda difficult for me to explain but try to think in a scenario and how would you feel theoretically in it. If you get touched in your arm, how would it feel? Will you like that the person that did it do other things?

For me sensual attraction is explicitly actions that have no further consequences. So a hug for a greeting. This may overlap with romantic attraction but for me personally romantic and sensual are very similar so I cannot clear cut them.

Now, it is important that you take it at your own pace. If you do not know if you would like a kiss or not, try it out. Ofc tell the person that you want to know how you will react to it and that they do not get their hopes up for anything else since you are exploring your boundaries. Likewise with sex, if you are unsure and afraid that you won't like it, please do not do it. And when you are sure that you would like to try it, let the person know that you want to take it slow, and have a safe word to let them know to stop. It is very very important to put boundaries when you do not know how you will react and both know that you can opt out any time without any kind of repercussions.

Because you feel something when hand holding, you may feel some kind of romantic attraction, which is find. But it may also be anxiety (at least this was my case). Try it out, explore yourself in a safe way, and always be crystal clear of what you want to try, and how fast or slow you want to do it. If the person doesn't respect boundaries dump their ass and look for someone that does. Fwb is cool when everyone agrees to the rules voluntarily, if not then that person is not a friend anymore.

I am happy to be aro for various reasons. One of them being having my own freedom to just live my life as myself. To be able to take vacations and spend them for me only, not having to think an chain myself to the expectations of anyone. Not be afraid to live, actually enjoy my time in this world and not think that I need someone to "complete" me to be happy.

I choose who I want as my family, and together we just spent time being genuine with each other. Being aro, and my close friends knowing it, liberates me, I can say "I love you" to my friends and them knowing I mean it in a platonic way. I take pleasure in knowing that I can be myself with my friends, and know we are on the same page, that there is not a hidden message for our actions. Finally, I just love to be able to sleep with anyone in the same couch or bed, and knowing that there is no need to do anything else besides sleeping.

Thanks @Acecream did not that I needed this thread until I saw it

I tried to give my best answers but like some have said, it depends on the person. For example, I can say to my mom "I love you" but not my cousins nor aunt, etc. Likewise, people who are close to me usually are the one initiating the actions, so I feel uncomfy sometimes, but if it is me I ask permission and then do the action so in that manner I would be vomfy because I asked first so we are all clear on what will happen.

Hi there, so you have questions about yourself and your identity. You like one pronoun more than others and that is fine and good. Now, aside from pronouns, you should concentrate on yourself alone. Sit with yourself and start asking questions about how you feel, what you see yourself as. Do not rush the process, the answers are all within you, and we can help you in sharing our experiences so you do not feel alone in this process. Nonbinary is an umbrella term, so start searching for the general meaning and if you want and feel comfortable with that label, start searching more specific labels. You can be nonbinary and still use gendered pronouns. What you identify as is different as to how you reffer to the rest of the world. Gender roles is a social construct, and if you do not fit in it,do not force yourself to be inside that box. 

Hope that helps ^^ and if you want to ask specific questions just ask away. We are a community afer all, we try to help how we can.

In spanish is asexual, same as english, and asexualidad for asexuality. For aromantic it would be arromántico if reffering to male, arromántica for female and if nonbinary you can say arromántice. Aromantism would be arromanticidad. 

If you feel sexual attraction on a high level and romantic attraction on a low level then you may follow SAM model (here if you want to learn more about what is SAM model). It is completely fine to only want sex and not romance.

On 4/8/2021 at 2:43 PM, I.B. said:

It's been hard for me to figure out my priorities and decide what I want from life.... should I be more active in seeking out relationships in the hope that something "clicks"? Would I be happier being single my whole life? How much do I actually care about pursuing sex?  Those are rhetorical questions of course. My thoughts tend to sway back and forth.

Does anyone know if this is a common experience to have?  I'd definitely be interested in hearing similar stories, or links if this has been discussed somewhere else.

^ those are life questions ^^ and yes some you may never know in your life, but it is valid to ask them. But I do have some suggestions, first: yes if you want sex and you feel safe doing it, search it and try it. But be upfront, tell that only the act and not the romance. If you experimented and did not like it then now you know. Now, only seek out relationships for you, and you alone, to satisfy your curiosity, not for anyone else. Not for society, not for pressure, just you. 

For me, I like to stay single because when I was in a relationship I felt suffocated. It was because of the expectations of that relationship and how society wanted me to act. This is interconnected with amatonormativity and heteronormativity. And finally, you may care for sex but not want romance, be truthful when searching if you want to search and you will find someone who wants just that. It may take more time, but having sex on your terms and knowing what to expect (no romance) may lessen the load of seeking and mantaining that relationship.

I saw this, and while I cannot say that I have ever felt that, I think it is possible to feel a squish that strong. As someone who doesn't verbalize what I want much, I would say to ask her if she would be in a qpr with someone else. It is not bad, you are just asking a question. If you do not ask her, you will not know what she thinks. Now, this may just be a phase for her, that she got a bad relationship and she is saying what she thinks at the moment and is not thinking long-term. If you are serious about it, and you know she will be too, then maybe something can blossom. Also, this is my opinion, but you can be her best friend while not being in a qpr, that is cool. It all depends on her and you. Being with someone in a qpr doesn't mean that everyone else is less important, that would be what allos call a relationship not a qpr.

On 4/2/2021 at 5:51 PM, Acecream said:

 I’m totally not a shy person, when I’m in a room with someone I don’t know I just start to talk to them, but I have no idea how this works online

I met one of my closest friends in pinterest. 5-7 years since that happened. They just reached out to me about a pin that they loved and then we started sharing pins. It was after 2 years of only sending pins on a daily basis that we started talking with words. ^^ and since then we speak about everything and still send pins. I see it the same way you meet people offline,just say "hey I like this and I saw you ppst so what else you like?" And from there just let the convo run its course. :3 that is how it worked for me.

I would be so down with this. Idk how to code sadly but I would use that app

Hello there. Ok you are speaking and bringing topics that are interconnected, which isn't bad, but it makes it complex to understand. I will say and express my opinion of your situation based on what I know and believe. The first thing is I firmly believe that you are born being aromantic and what your sexuality is, it is in growing up and learning through society that we get to know it sooner or later or maybe never at all.

We live in a hypersexual society, this means that you are fed through your throat that being in a relationship should be the goal, romance and sex are the goal, you are a half and you should look for your other half. Those things, I have heard on a daily basis when speaking to people. 

Your age doesn't determine what you know or not. You will never be too young to know about yourself. 

You may have experienced a crush, or a squish. That doesn't mean that you cannot be in aro-spec. Think for a moment in what you felt, and why did you felt it. Was it because you wanted to feel this way to fit into society? Or was it an irrational thought that you could not control?

You may have alterous attraction, meaning that your types of attractions are very difficult to differentiate, so your aesthetic may be with you romantic and sexual attractions,and it is difficult to separate them into different ones.

I cannot say what you are or are not, and neither can your friends. We can help you understand the experiences you had and make educated assumptions, but that is it,only you have the final say. Remember that you live in an heteronormative society and we all have some influence of it. So there will be a bias into fitting in a heteroromantic and heterosexual relationship, it is up to you to decide if what you are feeling is indeed genuine or not.

You said cupioromantic, maybe you are based on definition. Dig deep here. Read definitons, but above all. Sit down, and ask yourself, do I feel this way or am I forcing myself to be this way to fit into society's standards? Do I have or can I have romantic or sexual feelings toward this person? Is it an urge that I can control, and if so, am I choosing it or not? 

Hope I could help and just continue to ask until you are satisfied with your results. And I want to say that I believe you are born one way, you are not suddenly transformed into being something. You do not wake up one day and say: "today I am aro". I do not believe that is how it works. Yes you can force yourself into it, but it is not you, it would be internalizing your identity and choosing to mold yourself into society, but not what you are. That is my belief.

Hello there mate ^^ welcome and if you want to find a definitive label, then the best thing is to see what experiences you find you share with other people. From what you said, it is a common experience for aro through the spectrum. Going by definition, if you see someone and do not feel mushy feelings toward that person never or super super rarely then you may be aromantic. If you develop romantic feelings after you bond with someone in particular you may be demiromantic. It is a case by case and the one that has the final say is you. here if you want to read and familiarize yourself with identity terms and terminology. Hope it helps and you can always make posts so we can help you ^^

4 hours ago, nonmerci said:

As I said it is not a big thing, but my, that made me so angry for some reason.

It is still valid and I would categorize it as a microaggression.  It is the small things that can accumulate and make in the future a bigger problem. Aro erasure is a thing that happens daily, we can only hope to bring awareness so the world knows about us and the future generations do not have to suffer the same things we do in the present.

Aromantic moment that happened to me a while ago was having a conversation with a friend and them explaining how they would lie if needed in a court so their significant other wouldn't go to prison. I could not see myself lying for anyone in court. They tried to explain that it was solidarity, but I just couldn't see it to be me. Actions have consequences, and you cannot avoid a consequence just because you do not like it.

I am reading your responses and thanks you for them. 

So I would love to help a friend understand that heteroromantics aces do belong inside the community but I cannot find the right words. Their argument is that since that person can be in a straight passing relationship then he/she doesn't have to be subjected to hate from non-queer people because only them (the person in question and their partner) know about it and it is intimate so the outside world doesn't need to know. So since they do not experience hate or are being called anything because they are persons from opposite genders then do not have to suffer the same hate that a gay/lesbian couple will do.

So I want to make them understand that even though they are in a straight passing relationship, they do belong. That they don't have to experience the same pain to feel accepted. But I want my argument to be something that I can feel it is more than my opinion and has a base that I can make them understand. 

Any help will be appreciated since I know that they do it from a place of concern for safety and they words "why would you put yourself in a dangerous situation by outing yourself when you don't have to, your private life is between you two, not for strangers. So you are risking your safety for what?". They speak bluntly but it is how they always been and they don't mean disrespect, just want to learn the reasons. So anyone that can help me will be very very appreciated.

(I posted here instead of AVEN because I hadn't have a good experience with AVEN and I trust the opinions from here more)

I was thinking back, and I think that an early sign I was aro was when I was 7-8 yrs old and was at summer camp. I had the strongest feeling to become the best friend of another kid the instant I saw him. We both did not spoke the same language, but I felt like we could have been the best friends ever. He saw me just as a friend though, and after that summer I never saw him again,but the time together was amazong. I always thought it was a crush but now I think it was a squish. 

For me, my mental health is the one that has me missing out on life. However, I slowly have been able to overcome it by living one day at a time the best way I can. If I want t do something, I try to make plans to make it happen, be it camping, or just doing exercises. Sometimes I can't do it, but I don't get much discouraged, and try the next time to see if I can make it happen. Been hard on myself is not good for my health so I try to avoid it as much as I can. Treat yourself with patience and love. I am sorry for your health conditions, but try to live the moment, if you think that in 10 years your health won't let you enjoy some activities, try to do them before that time, so you have memories of it for the future. We are all going to get in an age where we won't be able to do some activities, so try to accomplish some before that time if you can. Treat yourself with patience, cuz otherwise you won't enjoy the present (and we live a short time 70-90 years so there will always be things you won't be able to do and that is ok).

Last year when I was 23. I was looking in the internet for information about gender identity and I stumbled upon AUREA, and the found this forum which I could relate to to a lot of experiences and that was it, after discovering this forum I claimed the aro label.

"I love people like you love your brother/sister/mascots, with all my heart but I would not date them" If they try to say that its not the same or I'm missing out, I would say that if they think that having romantic or sexual feelings toward their family is healthy or not.

6 minutes ago, DeltaV said:

@Blake I don't think this can be completely right. While sexual attraction does not need to lead to physical arousal, it's more than just "wanting sex" for any reason. After all, sex is the normal way to get pregnant, which is a common goal. To engage in sex purely for that reason is also wanting sex. At least this kind of "wanting" is something virtually no one would describe as sexual attraction.

I understand. Yeah I know it is more than just wanting sex, however I don't know how to explain it more detailed than that because I do not want to mix it up with other kinds of attractions. Also, recently discovered I was ace so I can only do educated guess at best. ^^ tryin to help as I can, but thanks for reminding me that emotions and what make us attracted toward people is very complex and not just straight answers.

11 hours ago, nonmerci said:

Usually I don't let things surprise me, but it really took me off guards. It was the first time that I tell him to someone who isn't young so I didn't know how it would go, but I didn't expected that.

I don't think she knew what the word implies (she didn't sound this retarded on these questions and seemed to agree that the diversity help people to know themselves better), but it was still weird.

I would have been caught off guard too. For me, I would explain the meaning of those words and ask for confirmation that they meant it that way or not. Cuz teaching people about our existence is one thing, but to be called a sexual deviant when trying answer their questions is disrespectful. I would only forgive it if they didn't mean it that way, because we all humans and we make mistakes.

I do not think that sexual attraction and a physical arousal go hand in hand. You can want to have sex with someone without feeling arousal because you are not looking for the pleasure of the act, you are looking another thing, like sex to release stress because it relaxes you. In this example you are doing an activity for one purpose while your partner probably does it for another, so even though your partner may feel physical arousal and pleasure from the act of sex, you do not. This is from my perspective, as an aroace who is sex indifferent and sex neutral, and like some people here sexual attraction is a concept that I do not fully understand since I do not experience it but I try t give an educated guess based on my experiences and knowledge.

I tried to use a dating app to look for possible partners for cuddles but I did not put I was aroace at the moment (I did not know I was ace at the moment and I suggested I did not saw relationships from a normal perspective) and to be honest it was not sooo bad. People texted me back trying to look for sex and trying to change me mostly. I stopped after a week because it felt wrong and I felt that I would not find anyone this way.

That was my experience, maybe if you state it clearly from the beginning it can be different, but I can understand the scary part because you are exposing a part of you that normal people who use dating apps cannot relate to. My advice is to try it, give yourself a time period to see if it works. If you see many negativity just delete the account and move on. This way, you gave it a try and the people who write you are at some point interested in your profile. Also, you don't have to say you are aro per se, say you are looking for a friendship outside societal norms and no sex (if that is what you want). and if someone writes you, at least you know they are willing to try something along those lines. It is a trial and error but I see no other way to find someone other than looking for it. I did not have a great experience, but maybe you do ^^ hope that whatever you do works out for you

I would choose Kaya Scodelario for the fact that I think she is a really good actress. Otherwise, Logan Lerman as @nonmerci and @Acecream said. He is attractive and seems like a good guy.