Natkat

I am interested in getting in contact with other scandinavian, since im making meet ups and general trying to spread some local awareness. so I made a group for scandinavians. is there any scandinavians here?

Oh I have had so many I dont even know where to begin. the wierdest squish I ever had was an author I was fan of who moved in next door. Nothing ever happent but I thought it was fun cause the describtion sound like a very cliche roncon movie. Right now im having 2 squishes + 1 stable friend I dont know if I should call it a squish or not. (i dont really squish over him we been friends for so long its feels natural but he does make my life alot better) and One squish I am slower getting over. the 2 squishes I have is pretty difficult. One is a classmate and I think she is cool and we have alot of things in common, but I still feel so unsure cause I know really nothing about how she feel about me. Being a non-cis non-straight person and so on. but I do wish I could become good friends with her, and secretly wish she is aro so there is no romo guarenty. We also share same dreams on traveling so its really cool. my other squish live in another country. That itself is not difficult since its closeby but my income is very low so its difficult to get to see him, and for him its also difficult to see me because of money as well. we are only able to see each other a few times a yeah, but I enjoy the few times we have very much. he does not know im aro, but I been thought my questioning procces with him were I said I am not even sure if I ever felt romantic love but I may be in love with him? For me its confussing and I feel bad like I also confussed him. I dont want a romantic relationship but more like qpp, yet i know we cant be like that so right now i feel happy we stay in touch. i want to tell him about my orientation but i worry that he wont accept it.

Before I knew of aromantism I thought I were like this due to trauma. The first girl I liked and probably the only one romantic? She was very depressed and we cut out contact with each other because long story short I had been a jerk having an affair with her bf (or ex bf) and she was pretty sure it was something I had made up when I told her, because I were jeloux (well it wasnt). For me that was pretty hard because she was so depressed so I was worried if she would do self-harm or in worst caise commit suicide and I wouldn't know about it. she did not do that but not really knowing and feeling her depression was my fault led me to think maybe I was unable to form romantic relationship because of my bad first-hand experience with romance? -- yet I still feel there are so many people out there who had really terrible abusive relationships and I never experienced this and arnt even sure it is really "trauma" or not? + I arn't 100% sure how romantic it was. I feel it probably was romantic but she also never liked me back so if she had done that I dont know if I would had lost interest in her or not? I never liked anyone who also reciprocated my feelings. So its all just a guess, but neverless I did try for some time to force myself to date and get over my "trauma".

I been in a sort of QPR. we didn't have the word for it back then but we did talk about it afterwards that our relationships probably been pretty QP. And he were allo, and I thought I were too because I didnt knew aromantism existed. unfortunately it did end because he wanted to be "more than just friends, even when we had started out with feeling that non of us were interesteed in a relationship. because of this and the general notion that most of the people I want to be QP with cant do QP because they either are confussed by the concept or "want to be more than friends" I am pretty sceptical on being QPR with allo-people.

Did you mean squish or chrush??? ---------------------------- I think its so difficult to tell squish and chrush apart. all the thing with kissing and jelously are blurred like I may want to kiss them and I may not and I dont typically get jelous but I am capable of jelousy even when I dont feel like I experience the type of jelousy that is typical in many romantic relationships. - The only way I have been able to tell the difference between a chrush and a squish were when i liked someone alot and thought "this must be a chrush" but then they liked me back and I where supposed somehow to show romantic feelings from them and been happy but instead I were annoyed, bored, indifferent or abit worried why our friendship should be complicated.

Maybe not an aro moment. someone from my class were super happy one day so people asked why. people: "what is going on with you?" her: " I just got a boyfriend" people: "congratulation" a few few days later after class I saw her sitting with a guy from the class. "hmm it's nice to see they have became really good friends." *suddenly start kissing* me: "wait didn't she have a boyfriend?" friend: " your idiot this is her boyfriend!"

also a pretty silly excuse I had was maybe I were aro because I am from Scandinavien. I were sort of "dating" a mexican guy at the time, and people from scandinavien are in general considered sort of "cold, and dont have tradition for marriage and stuff" that is sort of opposite rumour to the south-amarican culture, that is considered more warm and romantic. I were acussed of being cold from him so I thought maybe it were just a part of my enviroment and being misread because I were with this mexican guy and used all my day on English-forums that may had an more traditional way on seeing things. but well... people in Scandinavian still go together as couple and stuff it doesnt only happent in Mexico and other countries lol....

I also thought I were just poly, and also didnt want to marriage because its normal in the queer enviroment where I live that people dont marriage. I pretty much noticed the difference because I didnt really felt at home in the poly comunity, like it made sense but it also did not make sense. the talk about relationship and stuff were rather pointless, And then I had a friend who identified as poly and who did not want to get marriaged either, and while some of the thoughts on disliking amatonomativity is simular for poly and aro people I also felt there are things were we are just not the same at all so it kinda was a turning point like "wow she is poly and I she still talk about romantic love like its the greatest deal every wtf" haha.

Well I used to be like that too, but then ---. I wish I didn't feel either, feelings are difficult. why not just say you are single, instead of this label. I'm also confused about my sexuality. your not into romantic men? Not at all? But don't you enjoy wine and cheese? (This one were actually hilarious)

Loki from the valhalla comics are pretty Aro.

Yeah I have somehow simular feeling. I can kiss. I often kiss my famely members. friends not so much but it happens as well. However I do tend to get bored of kissing very fast. I also dont understand when I see couples who tend to like kiss multiply times right after each other like how they tend to do in movies or act like its supossed to be something big and special to me its just not nessesarry. In sexual setting I am not nessesarry a kissing person either however I feel sexual kissing are alot different than both platonic and romantic. its less of an "hi mom" or "I love you/trust you" kiss and more just about getting a sensation out of the activity. in that way I feel sexual and sensual is way harder to seperate than sexual and romantic.

random test on the net. "see which job should you have" me: hmm interesting now I am looking on education anyway. *take the test* random question. "are you a romantic person?" me: uhm... *press no* (why is this relevant for my job? result: you are a very flirting person, you would do well in sale and service. me....................................

had a fun episode in the class. me in the classroom. girl beside me start to ask me alot of random questions. her: do you live at home? me: yes but I want move out, do you? her: of course I am supposed to live at home until I get marriage me: that unfortune her: no living at home is good, there is nothing bad about that me: ..yeah sure.... (I thought about the marriage part but okay) her: so do you have a girlfriend. me: no .................sillence......................... me: wait what NO NO!! slow down!! her: relax im not going to marriage you!! so typical why do you guys always think that! me: pff... teacher: have you finish your work? her: yes we uhm.... what was your name again? me: she doesn't know my name but she wants to marriage me. ToT ------------------

anything that involds a person having romantic feelings for me, or me thinking they do makes me romantic repulsive. other people being very lovy dovie does also somethimes make me repulsive but it all depends. media depends. I usunally dont have a problem with music but book and movies all depends.

I think its the same. just a different name.

*eating ice cream and singing* yaa!! I dont know where you get those rainbow icecreams. I use to eat zapp. its also ranbow but pretty nasty looking compared. (but it taste really good)

Salt, who eats raw pepper? banana cake or cheesecake

I also have this one person I cant figure out. and its why I find it hard to label myself. I think I have had a chrush on her, however I also feel that it may just be how the expectations was back then because I had a very different life at that time, where I had alot of expectations on how I should live my life and be "happy" that is not true for how I want to live my life today. Example I thought I wanted to get marriage and have kids, and today I have asked if I even care for that and the answer is "no unless for citizianship or stuff, and probably not either" I still feel if you have this person you dont know whenever you had a chrush on or not you still fall into the gray-romantic spectrum. Even sience cant explain everything but for those thing we cant explain we often still find it valied as long as we have language for it to express and its used in some form of context. like we may not know if we have a soul or whenever ghoast exist or not, but regardless of that still exist in the sense that we are able to comunicate about it, and when I say a word like ghost everyone know more or less what im talking about. also as mention before, science isnt the only way to look at this and personally I also think science is pretty crapy cause I believe aromantism are more relevant when we look into it culturally.

what im trying to say is I think we should try see romantic abit like how we see gender. Nobody really know what gender is but it still exist everywhere and that is why its so complicated to explain. later on people found out its more easy to explain it when we press it down in different boxes, like there is: sex; and everything due to the body, then there is social gender like expectation, society and genderoles, and also there is gender identify. I think aromantic work abit simular. we speak of there may be a "biological effect on what its like to be in love" (like lots of homones flowing around in the body and we feel all nervous and stuff. its really hard to prove or not prove a person is in love cause we dont messure these things everyday, but we just expect a person can feel it or dont. ( but there have been studied that showed that sexual attraction and romantic love happens in different parts of the brain.) (I wonder if this is simular or different to squish or not but thats up for another thread) beside the scienece, there is a social expectation that depends from where you live. we often use amatonormativity to decribe this norm for romance, and its also what decribes what romantic relationsips its like which are different from person to person. ex in some countries marriage are way more common and typical seen as romantic than in other countries were marriage may be done for more well practical reasons or not at all. the word romance comes from "romanian" the language romans spoke many years ago. It decribes a women being adored by men but only from a distance leading men to start have those desires for seeing people they could never be close to. this pretty much inspired the romantic literature and the romantic culture and our whole idea of romance. before that romance may not have exited the same way homosexuality did not always exist. Sure people probably had those feeling but they did not have words for it and how we decribe it also changes. once homosexuality were described as an act where today we decribe it as an identities, homosexuality have also been described as a disorder and so have romantic attraction. I think like we say transgender is people who did not fit into the gender they where asigned at birth/at what sociaty expected from them. Being aromantic spectrum mean not to identify within the amatonormative norm on how we are suposed to do romance. I think the definitions change so much cause again it all depends from person to person what we feel is romantic or not. An example is I have read alot of aro people talk about marriage as in they would never want to be marriage. but for me a person who dont believe in marriage and have alot of friend who dont believe in marriage or is agenst marriage this is not helpfull to figure if im aro or not. However. I still fell I fall out of the expectation in the sociaty of what should be considered "romantic" that is different from the people I know who would never marriage. I feel when I also see "when did you figure out you were aro" post. alot of it talk about getting to a point of just feeling different, or being expected something from that felt unpleasen/unatural/unessesarry for the person. ------------- I know all these would probably be WAY too long for a beginer. thats why I think the aven describtion is okay as a start, or the "if you fell you belong you belong" I generally like to add "person who does not desire what is considered a romantic relationship" as an add to the decribtion of "an aromantic is a person who does no feel romantic attraction", cause for people like me that made alot more sense and was way more easy to understand than just "dont feel romantic attraction.

I really wonder if this can even be explained or if it need to be explained in order to be valued? We had the same agument in the transgender comunities for a long time. People saying they feel as "the opposite gender" feeling as a boy or a girl, neither or both. But if you ask a person how it does feeling like being a boy or a girl, (or whatever gender) you really cant get any good explenation. somethimes people would use stereotypes like "I like make up" but that does only explain genderroles and not the gender identity since both men and women can use make up, in simular way that some explain romantic attraction by saying stereotypical stuff like "I dont like kissing" that fit into the normative view on how we see romantic relationships while others see kissing as a non-romantic act. the most general describtion of gender identity is "I just feel more confortable that way, thats just who I am" and now on the trans movement it has actually became a pretty valied agument because it also proff that people feeling good about themself are much more healthy and usefull than people who feel like crap. (and yes I know there is also scan that claim to see gender identities who have been used to argue that transgenders are real. however the scans are not very usefull itself cause we still dont understand gender enough to be sure on the results, and whenever the result is due to the persons own identity or ex activities associated with a particular genderole. there are so many questions and so few answers) -

werewolf. would you rather have your own talk show, or make a documentary?

Losing a leg. i use my arms too much and also My legs are often in pain so.... Yeah.. becoming a Pokemon trainer or studying at Howard's

Brian/Stuard from QAF. I wrote a long post on why I think his aro. not going to put it all up here. https://lostqueer.wordpress.com/2015/11/18/queer-as-folk-the-aro-perspective-12/

meow. would you rather live a place that were very cold or very warm.

what came to my mind...