nonmerci

Yes, sometimes it's hard to understand without context.

I don't have the original video from Merlin saddly, and I did'nt find it in a video on it's own. Too bad I love this scene lol. I hope it will be watchable anyway.

You'll show us the video when you'll finish it?

I agree that the Frozen scene may be a bit long, compare to the other. But I watched a lot of videos where the clips are short so it can influence me. Anyway I bring more clips, maybe you can find a balance between long and short clips. 

Here's a scene with Gipsy, a secondary character from the show Flash, that i canon as aromantic allosexual. She breaks up with him because she wasn't in love even if Cisco was a perfect guy, and what she says really makes me think of what an aromantic who's not aware of aromanticism would say. (I would suggest to cut after Cisco says Nothing is wrong with her).

Also, for a larger part of the Spectrum, what about Sheldon Copper, that I see as demiromantic asexual. Season 6, episode 23 : "before I met you, I never had any interest in being intimate with anyone"

(but of course BBT has a huge problem, portraying aromanticism and asexuality as abnormal, and demiromanticism as some kind of cure; I think he even says in an episode that Amy cured him… and let's not tlk about how the producers insist that he is not asexual while he has all this lines saying he is, including in season 1, I'm tying to find which episode, where his friends literrally say he is not into any genre (before making a stupid joke about reproduction)).

Also, I find this on tv tropes :

Oberyn: You did like boys? Before?
Varys: [shakes head]
Oberyn: Really? Girls? Hmm. I hope you won't be offended when I say I never would have guessed.
Varys: Not at all. But I was never interested in girls, either.
Oberyn: What then?
Varys: Nothing.
Oberyn: Everybody is interested in something.
Varys: Not me.

For Merlin I don't have a specific episode in mind right now, it's been a while since I watch it though I sometimes watch clip on YouTube about it. I look for it tomorrow if I have time (that's an excellent excuse to rewatch the show, I loved it).

Anyway  I think all the show would work lol. As Merlin and Arthur has a strong friendship but it is never romantic (though a huge part of the fandom ship them of course). So I'll try to find things that are understandable without context.

For Stranger things, you have Will who wants to play D&D in season 3 episode 2, while his friends are obsessed with girls. And in 3X03, you have this fight scene betwenn Mike and Will :

I don't know if it fit,  but last season Will from Stranger things give me strong aro vibes. But it's more him suffering because his friends are obsessed with girls than happy aromantic moments. Like him wanting to play D&D instead of dealing with girlfriend problems of his friends. And this scene where he's confronting Mike about how he doesn't care about their friendship any more now that he is dating Eleven. ?

For more happy moments, I'll try to find some things for the show Merlin. And also where I see the producers say Merlin will never date anyone.

I have also a scene in mind where Merlin says something like "imagine if she kisses you, it is disgusting".

There must have been a lot of his friendship with Arthur too (people view them as gay but I view them as a QPR; there's a lot of clips about that but I am just watching them to enjoy their friendship and never see romance in it lol).

People complaining because their family-in-law is shitty.

Me : just find another reason why being aro is great.

I like romance if well-written or if I ship the characters romantically, though I don't go crazy about it and won't miss it if there is no romance. Otherwise I'm more indifferent (contrary to sexual scènes that can repulse me sometimes, but I am ace too). Also, it can make me laugh a lot, bad written or not. Some things that people say in romantic situations are just so funny. Right now there are a lit of Christmas movies (which are just romantic movies that take place in december most of the time), and really they are hilarious (though they are not meant to be, but when there is nothing on tv that's a fun thing to laugh at).

Anyway there is nothing wrong to enjoy romance just because characters are hot. I'm pretty sure post allos only enjoy romantic plot because they fantasize about it.

Never been in a relationship.

I used to think 'I'll be in one when I'll fall in love".

But I never developped romantic feelings towards someone. Ans now I discover I am aromantic. So I never been in a relationship, never will be, and I am perfectly fine with it. 

I love your memes!

Here what I created myself, with Will from Stranger things (his arc was so aro last season).

You just write the url of your meme in your post. If this is a meme from your computer, you can give it an url with website like zupimages.net (in French but you must have it un English too).

Do you hear about QPRs (queerplatonic relationships; it is described as a strong emotional bound (some people say between platonic and romantic but I think it is amatonormative))? People call their queerplatonic partner a zucchini. Don't ask me why. Maybe it would fit your feeling?

If not, I think partner is a good term because it doesn't label a relationship has romantic I think, contrary to boyfriend or girlfriend.

3 hours ago, AceofSpadesUnicorn said:

Being an AroAce (often referred to as Ace of Spades) I got this ring. I personally feel like it represents me more than a white ring (plus I’ve heard many different versions of an aro ring - some going green instead).
 

- I wear my AroAce pride ring on my middle finger of my right hand above my simple black ace ring. 

- I also have a simple unicorn and arrow necklace, that I wear all the time. (They are basically pendants that I put on the same chain). 

This ring is so beautiful!

I don't see anything in what you say that describes a crush or even a squish. Your nervousness seems to be cause by B, who deny your feelings and your identity (which would be stressful for everybody). But you didn't describe here any particular feeling that sounds like a crush or a squish. As you say yourself, you have no desire to date A.

As @Jot-Aro says, B should not force feelings into other people. Maybe you should have a conversation about how shipping leads to wrongly interpretate things (at least I saw a lot if people, talking about fictional ships who aren't canon, seeing things that weren't there at all just because they ship characters, like SwanQueen in OUAT or SnowBarry in the Flash; they were sure their ship were gong to become a reality even if it was obvious the writers decided something else; I suppose it works the same with irl ships). So really, you should talk with B about how it is a rude mistake to think he (or she or they? Don't remember) know your feelings better than yourself.

2 hours ago, Uxhio said:

I need to treat you badly so you feel interested in me= Seriously? And yes, a dude tried this with me, he always bullied me and I'm no masochist.

This.

Everybody thought I was in love with a guy because we were always fighting. My, I hate him (well, we get along a couple of years later, but at the time he was just an idiot who get on my nerves).

Now, this guy really had a crush on me. My best friend at the time thought I was too, so she arranged a meeting so he can ask me to be his girlfriend. I said "No, sorry", and I left like a boss.

I was badass when I was 12.

(Now I know that was a rude way to decline, but I really hated him.)

Depends on people. Some people just don't care. A very good friend who never had a boyfriend said "so I am not alone" (I don't know if she is aro or not but she doesn't date).

One didn't understand the word, thinking "aromantic" means something like "I don't like romantic things". And my mother te actes with the classic "you'll never know" and "you'll be alone". And the other day she said "when you get married"... we also have different point of view about the idea of having a child without a father... Strangely,  my lgbt-phobic father was almost more understanding. Well, understanding isn't the word, because he doesn't understand anything (I'm still trying to explain that being asexual is not "disliking sex"), but at least he gets that I don't want to get married, though he complains about it.

But I think it really depends on people. 

Oops, never heard of dysphoria outside gender context, that influenced my answer.

I think you should go on the section "sexuality and gender", there are discussions about this. Because of course aromantics can feel dysphoria, why wouldn't they?

I get that it is complicated to discover that someone doesn't love you the way you do. But the fact that this love is different doesn't mean it is less strong.

Your relationship seemed to work the way it was, or you won't have stayed 13 yeas together.

The thing you have to do now is discuss with him about how this will affect your relationship and what you both want from it. But keep in mind that the fact he doesn't love you romantically doesn't mean you can build project together or love each other. You have to think about what makes the relationship work for so long, focus on it, and decide if it is worth is or not.

Wow kernsing, I love how you define romantic attraction, it makes a lot of sense.

And to complete your excellent post, I add that "either feel romantic attraction or don't feel it" don't apply to aroflux  neither, as by definition their expérience of romantic attraction is fluid.

On 10/3/2019 at 9:34 AM, kernsing said:

I also don’t think I’ve heard of aplatonic or like, anything other than aro & ace referred to as aspec. Still no opinion, would like to hear from people who do consider those other identities aspec. 

I never think about it before this thread too, but I think aplatonic has a lot in common with aro and ace : they are define by an absence of attraction too and can feel alienated for that.

3 hours ago, TripleA said:

you are demi heteroromantic or grey biromantic, etc. Why would grey and demi romantics have to add an alloromantic orientation beside their grey or demi label so it makes sense? Because they're still alloromantic. 

Honestly I don't think that all grey and demi are able to determine if they are hetero or bi or whatever, or that it would make sense to all of them.

3 hours ago, TripleA said:

And not every alloromantic falls in love all the time, that's unrealistic

Unrealistic and untrue to the definition. Being allo is about crushes, which is not the same as falling in love (that's why saying "I love you" is such a big deal in a relationship).

Of course we would have to ask to allo to know how frequent they feel romantic attraction. But honestly, I think it is a common experience for them.

By they way, the grey area can be about intensity too, not frequency only.

Again, I really think it is useless to say things are black and White,  aro or allo; or then you have to denier the whole concept of the grey area.

I believe the word arospec is for everybody who don't fit in the alloromantic norm. And people in the grey area don't fit,  because the way they experience romantic attraction has not a lot in common with how alloromantic people do.

The thing is, saying grey are allo is a way to kick out grey from the aro community to include them into a group where they don't recognition themselves and by whom they feel oppressed.

And I think this définition of alloromantic is bad. People always say they alloromantics are the ones who feel romantic attraction, but they should say "the ones who feel it in a normal way" (normal meaning they are in the norm).

21 hours ago, TripleA said:

grey and demi are still alloromantic because grey and demi romantics still experience romantic attraction just like alloromantics

I think I said it before, but follow in this logic, the grey area should be it's own thing because the way they feel romantic attraction is very different from alloromantics. And if they were not, there would not be a word.

Also, if romantic attraction is on a spectrum, the spectrum goes from aro to allo; and when we use arospec, we talk about the people who are at the extremity or near to the extremity of this spectrum. See what I mean? Aromantic are not apart,  they are on the spectrum as well. And arospec may not be the best word, but it describes our community as a while : aro and grey.

22 hours ago, YXSHINN said:

1. What do you think of this term? Do you think it conforms to amatonormativity?

I don't really know. As said before, it is unclear how it is different from QPR (at least for me). Now, QPR is supposed to be "between friendship and romance" (I hate this définition but still, this is how I see word it), so maybe QPR is a kind of (queer)romantic friendship as described, I don't know... But the thing is : people chose to use platonic in the term QPR, not romantic, and I think it is precisely to prevent people from associating their relationship to romance. So I don't know if this is amatonormative or not, but I don't know if a lot of aro could relate to this term.

22 hours ago, YXSHINN said:

2. What do you consider as platonic gestures? Or do you think the intention behind it matters the most? (Please list a ton, if you like.)

For me, it the intent or the context that leads a gestuel to be platonic or not. Like for me, hugs are platonic; but if a romantic couple are hugging, it may be romantic instead.

Kissing on the mouth sounds very romantic for me, but this is probably cultural. And I saw mother kiss their child on their mouth,  so it can be platonic too.

22 hours ago, YXSHINN said:

3. And lastly, what do you think of my thoughts on myself? Do you think it's possible to identify as sapphic and aroace at the same time? (Not romantically, just when talking about alterous attraction...)

I don't know; why not? I saw people describe themselves as oriented aro ace. If alterous is it's own attraction, then their is no reason you can have it for girls and then describe yourself as sapphic. At least if I understood your question?

Have you any memes or pictures that are related to aromanticism?

I ask because I find a trans picture, who can also apply to aromanticism, and I was wondering if you have ones you want to share. If you're curious, here's the picture (in Franch but I translate).

First picture : "It will change later".

Second picture : "This is just a phase".

Third picture :"Well! You're life is a phase".

On 9/26/2019 at 7:26 AM, aro_elise said:

interesting, i wondered whether there would be anyone like that.

Well, I discovered asexuality first and it was an evidence for me. But aromanticism wasn't, and I was in denial. Then I identify myself as greyro (now I'm questioning if aro would fit me better), but I never did for asexuality because it was an evidence for me that I never felt sexual attraction in my whole life.

Also, I don't really care of my sexual attraction, I don't see it as a huge part of my identity. But aromanticism is more important in my life. Probably because I always saw sex as a weird sport I don't want to practice, but I saw romance as a way of life (no offense to allosexual, I suppose you don't see things like that). I think that I would see sex differently if I was aro allo too. So it must leads me to view this as separate.

I put it "depends" because I separate my romantic attraction from my sexual attraction and if I had to explain aromanticism and asexuality I would explain this is not the same.

But at the same time I really don't care that much of my sexual attraction. I know I am ace but I don't go on ace forums as I do for aromanticism for instance.

In fact I don't really know if I use SAM or not. ?

1. I hadn't a real period of questioning, but sometimes I tried to felt sexual attraction to determine if I was gay, straight, bi... and failed miserably. When I discovered what asexuality is, it was an evidence.

2. Learning about my asexuality led me to discover what romantic attraction was. After a period of denial, I realized I was aro too.

3. I think about it as separate,  even if I am both ace and aro. As thought about these attractions as separate in general.