How are your friendships changed by your aromanticism?

[Treehugger]

I think my friends include me in most parts of their life but are often a bit wary when it comes to their relationships. I feel like they aren't as open to me about that aspect of their life because they feel like I won't understand. Also I think relationships are becoming a bigger thing to them recently.

I was wondering if you see any difference between how your friends treat you and their romantic friends and if so what do they do.

[techno]

Only two of my main circle of friends are in relationships. One is one of my best friends and she was the first person to find out I was aro, and I talk to her about it more than my other friends, so she doesn't treat me any differently (not in a negative way at least). The other I'm not as close with and I'm not out to, so she doesn't treat me any differently at all either.

 

I almost feel like I treat them differently because of their relationships. Not those close friends really, because I was friends with them for so long beforehand, but recently I've met people I thought I was becoming friends with and one of them got into a relationship and stopped talking to me as much and I pretty much cut her out of my life instantly.

[SoulWolf]

On 05 November 2017 at 2:41 AM, techno-trashcan said:

I almost feel like I treat them differently because of their relationships. Not those close friends really, because I was friends with them for so long beforehand, but recently I've met people I thought I was becoming friends with and one of them got into a relationship and stopped talking to me as much and I pretty much cut her out of my life instantly.

Me too...

I've attended the weddings of friends, and while they're all being happy and stuff, I treated it more like a funeral. I didn't see or hear from them as much after the wedding, as expected.

 

A new friend I made a few years ago got engaged to some random guy she had dated for a week... and I just never spoke to her again.

[Apathetic Echidna]

1 hour ago, SoulWolf said:

I've attended the weddings of friends, and while they're all being happy and stuff, I treated it more like a funeral.

did you wear black and giving people your commiserations? 

 

Most of my good friends now know I am aro and they don't treat me differently, but then most aren't in relationships right now. I guess it does depend on the personality of your friends. One particular friend seems very relieved that I am aro as they have a strong belief about any relationship sharing is too much information. I guess they no longer have to worry that I will start chattering on about a person they don't know or care about.

[Guest]

.

[Digestive Biscuits]

Out of my friend group, I've only told one friend. I had a squish on them which I confused for a crush, and so, for some reason, I decided I 'had' to ask them out. So I did that, and she told me they weren't looking for a relationship at the moment (this was before I knew what being aromantic was). I was actually kinda relieved and we went on being friends as if nothing happened.

 

Fast forward a year, and I had just found out about aromantism and was figuring out if I was aromantic or not. I told her all about it and how I thought I had a squish on her rather than a crush, and she responded "That explains a lot. I remember when you asked me out that you seemed hesitent and not particularly bothered if I said yes or no." We read some more about aromantism and figured out that she's on the aromantic spectrum somewhere (She's only felt attraction to fictional characters and never anyone in real life, can't remember the name of what it's called, haha)

 

So yeah, kinda helped strengthen our relationship a bit, although we're both on the spectrum which helps a lot. She's the only one I've told though, I'd like to tell everyone else in our friend group and see their reaction, as I know one is alloromantic as it gets.

 

 

[Star Girl]

I am out to my friends and at college don’t really care who knows. Many don’t have long term relationships at the moment, but being out means I don’t have to hide it when I think they are being ridiculous when talking about romance, etc. (They know I truly care about them and that they are happy, even if I laugh at them sometimes.)

 

One of my friends is sometimes hesitant to talk about relationships with me, more because she worries that I am not interested. Another, who just broke up with her somewhat long term boyfriend, felt that I had a useful advice when she was feeling guilty about it, I think because I was not attached to the relationship for the sake of the relationship (and so was only concerned with her happiness). Another friend who is ace will share ace related stuff with me when she runs across it. And when I get stuck with a table of girls (none of whom I know closely) who are talking about which of a group of visiting guys they are going to date, I can go complain to any of my friends about being stuck with too many straight people.

 

I think the environment I am in (a (mostly) women’s college with a large percent of students who are LGBT) is very good for me making friends as an aro. For one it isn’t assumed that you are straight and you are not expected to have a relationship. I don’t know how it will be when I am no longer in college, but I hope at least some of my friends here will be friends afterward.

[Lex Barringer]

Well, I avoid women in general now because of my bad experiences. They're logic is, if I'm talking to them, I hitting on them and therefore want a piece of the action. Now, in regards to the guys I know, I just stay quiet if the romo comes up.