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Lex Barringer

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  1. Sure, I see what you're getting at but most people don't go out of their way to say, "Oh, by the way, I'm aromantic", unless someone is hitting on them or making them feel uncomfortable in that certain way that alloromantics are so good at. I guess the easiest way to put this is, don't interject romanticism or aromanticism where it doesn't actually belong or attributable to a given project. Now, let's say there is an anthropological, psychological and sociological study of the various orientations and attractions, including but not limited to; aesthetic, romantic, and sexual; sure by all means put it out there that you're aromantic. There are times when you should say it and times when it's unappropriate or at the very least it'sdown right awkward. Letting people know that you're aromantic at the wrong time or when they're clearly not ready can be a bit off putting and too much of a shock for some. Believe me, I been in all these situations before, in my youth. I made some major social faux pas back then. I got into psychology, psychiatry and sociology later on in life; it wasn't until then that I realized how much I torqued people because of how I was putting myself across. Recognizing people in our popular culture that identify like us is one thing or we think they are by their own public admission, as it's hard to see if it's real or a publicity stunt. Aromantics shouldn't feel they need to synch up to popular culture, just being ourselves can gain noteriety if done correctly. What I'm really talking about it identifying sore spots within your own ego, examining them, figuring out why it hurts, what compels / draws you to associate with popular culture icons that are like us instead of just doing your own thing not caring if what aromanticism and aromantics become a buzzword or not. I do agree that aromanticism should be talked about openly but by not being brash or in popular culture sense because people who actually control it are all about the money. How they can market schlock to you and people like us by rebranding products and services they used on other orientations and segments of population. One of the biggest offenders in this arena is Viacom, as they own M-TV, VH-1, etc.
  2. Searching for celebrities or other notable people that are of the aromantic orientation doesn't really seem like a worthy cause. To those who are celebrities and other notables, should they choose to talk about it, it's one thing but it's not at all about "representing", that's just garbage. Representing is just a boastful way to get in peoples' faces about our orientation, that doesn't actually help us, rather it creates more trouble for us down the line. I look at it as immaturity, in the same light and to the tune of Aromantic Pride parades. I don't feel the need to toot my horn for being aromantic; it just is. Instead of identifying others in the mass media who are of a certain orientation, just let it go, be you're own person. What celebrities say and do in public are often times not what they are behind closed doors. Just be aware of this. Besides, you should use celebrities as your role model anyhow, that's a bad idea, regardless of orientations. They are put under undue stressors and horrible scrutiny, you don't need to add to it by identifying with that person because of their orientation. Be a real person, a real friend, forget about the orientations, go forward. How do I know this information about celebrities? I know several of them, not just in the United States but around the world. They deserve to be treated like human beings and not used for slogans or "representing" a specific cause, etc. will I name drop? No.
  3. I've noticed you stated your hetero greysexual. I was curious if it's more like hetero-demisexuality? Whereas you only have sexual attraction when you're great friends with a man and you have great chemistry. You obtain a squish, like a romance crush but only on a friendship level.

     

    Having sexual attraction is just the mental / emotional side of the orientation but sexual arousal is the physical sensation and the reception of such, not necessarily will you act on the physical / biological urge. 

     

    Or do you have specific tweaks to the grey / demisexuality where you're a sapio, a person turned on by someone's intelligence and the way they present themselves in an intellectual manner with others, including yourself?

     

    I mean, there is so many areas to look into and research, let alone articulate about ones own self and how you view people. 

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Lex Barringer

      Lex Barringer

      Here's something interesting, many people don't really hit on, where as it's aesthetics, it's a mental and emotional process. I have an ultra-wide hetero aesthetic attraction (another orientation). Whereas I'm

      highly attracted to women and love to talk to them, when in reality they think I'm hitting on them for some action and romance.

       

      It took me a long time to realize this is what was going on with me. I enjoy the eye candy so to speak and being really friendly (some people think it's flirting but it's not). I thought I was having many crushes going on simultaneously but I figured out that wasn't it. It was the thought of being with them that is what appealed to me, not necessarily falling in love and having sex. I'm a very visual and tactile type of person. 

       

      It's a possibility that what you think is romance really isn't, it could be aesthetic attraction. It wasn't until I separated the difference between physical attraction and how I was interacting with people did I realize I wasn't allosexual. I figured out I was demisexual, then it dawned on me. I love being with women but I don't have any  attraction to them  in regards to romance, I then figured out I was aro after that.

       

      Finding a good understanding partner for any type of relationship is hard enough to find but to accept you when the dust settles and everything has been laid out on the table is true love.

       

      Now, I'm not finding fault here, that's not my intention. Just trying to figure out if you can further articulate who and what you are, I believe if you do so, you can then find a partner that is the same way you are. Being in a stable relationship, however you define it, is good for the both of you.

       

      Another thing to look into psychological attachments, as I've said to other members. It's not a bad thing if they go one way or another, it's just what you are and how you understand relationships in general. If you know your attachments, you can work on normalizing them if they're way out of whack. Once those

      are handled, if this is the problem, things happen naturally. 

       

      Often times people that supposedly fall in love with someone are falling in love with the idea of someone, the idealized state that

      doesn't exist in reality. When you notice the discrepancy in the

      real world, people tend to lose interest in a hurry. It's like the idea of

      people hanging on a celebrity's every word, you think you love them, then they let you into their inner circle and realize what you thought you knew was just an illusion, you want out now. 

    3. Untamed Heart

      Untamed Heart

      That's really insightful, thanks! The whole aesthetic attraction was definitely what was happening with me when I realised I liked my ex. I didn't realise that's all it really was until I came here. I can relate to liking the idea of being with someone more than the reality, as well.

      I feel, at least right now, I'm kind of too independent to want to deliberately seek anyone out. Even when I was a child, I didn't really make huge efforts to develop friendships with most of the other kids in school. I guess I'd be anxious avoidant, or around that ballpark.

    4. Lex Barringer

      Lex Barringer

      That's exactly what aesthetic attraction does, you're really into their being or rather the unrealistic image you have in your mind that they are, when you see they don't match you give up.

       

      Actually, this whole thing about aesthetic attraction isn't being shallow or fake, it's just not realizing and learning that the image you build someone up to be doesn't match reality. Lots of people who get into relationships who have this trouble don't realize the aesthetic attraction orientation isn't articulated yet and understand what makes you tick, what turns your crank, gets you excited and why it does that. 

       

      It works like this, your physically attracted to them but not necessarily their personality. When things settle down in the relationship and everything gets real, the real personality emerges, many people bolt when they run into this. Some people get anxious, scared or offended when people don't measure up to the great expectations. 

       

      Hey, I had to temper mine some twenty years ago. Sure, I have a yearning to be with women, just because I'm aro doesn't mean I don't want to be alone.

  4. It's up to the people starting up a relationship together, how they're going to navigate these waters. A person on the outside of this dynamic shouldn't be the interfering or advising, that will just look like romantic jealousy and rivalry to the romantic person. It's just best to stay out of it. I know my answer is a bit harsh but I'm also looking at it from past experiences and psychology, too.
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