Navigating a Mixed-Orientation Relationship: Seeking Advice

[j_of_diamonds]

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Hi everyone,

I'm a heterosexual, heteroromantic male college student, and I've been in a relationship for about four months with someone who initially identified as aromantic and asexual. This was something I was prepared for and fully respected. However, as we've grown closer and she's explored her identity further, she now leans towards being greyromantic and demisexual, both of which I still accept and understand.

I genuinely care for her and have communicated my feelings and attraction towards her. However, I sometimes worry about the future progression of our relationship. My concern isn't about my happiness in the relationship – I am at least content. But I can't help but feel that for her, this relationship might always be grounded in a sense of "he cares about me, so I have to care about him" rather than a mutual attraction. Simply put, I worry about if she actually “likes” me, for lack of better words.

I'm reaching out to this community for advice or insights from anyone who may have been in a similar situation. How do you navigate these feelings in a mixed-orientation relationship? How do you ensure that both partners feel fulfilled and respected in their identities and needs?

Thank you for your support and understanding.

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[MondoBilby]

I've never been in a situation like this, so I could be saying the completely wrong thing here, but I suggest you just ask her these things. Nothing wrong with asking. Good and honest communication is important in a relationship.

[Helion]

Honestly, there is absolutely nothing an online forum can help you with. We don't know neither her, you, or any specifics of your relationship. Just ask and communicate with your partner. 

I wish you two the best!

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

I can see how this can be difficult. I was initially in a QPR with a friend of mine who is alloromantic allosexual, and although we later on had to break up because I found that I'm completely non-partnering, talking to them about their needs and communicating that they can ask me anything, as long as they respected my boundaries as I respected theirs, was very important and was the top priority of our relationship. Talk to your partner, I'm sure she would be understanding of your predicament as you had been understanding of her identities. Respect and understanding should go both ways for partners no matter what the relationship is nor the identities, and in this case it should go both ways for an allo partner and aspec partner.